


Prescriptions

by webbo



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M, Family Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-03-04 16:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 75,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3074180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webbo/pseuds/webbo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A.U. Everything is different in this Colorado Springs.  It's about life, love, and all the doctors.  This is a Sam & Jack love story. There is family fluff, romance, angst, and drama. **Winner 2015 Sam & Jack Multimedia Award: Best Angst, Nominated in Best Alternate**</p><p> <img/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Well Child Check-Up

 

 

“Stop pulling on that Emma!” Sam mumbled to her daughter, while holding a handful of little girl hair.  She reached for the elastic clenched in her teeth and pulled the hair through into a pony tail to complete Sophie’s pig tails.  “Ok, you’re done.  Now please, girls, try not to destroy anything.”

Sophie hopped down off the chair and went to investigate what Emma had been playing with.  Finding the massive roll of thin paper on the end side of the examination table, Sophie’s eyes widened in excitement only to be squelched by her mother’s stern, “Don’t even think about it.”  Sam sat down on the only chair in the room and let out a sigh. 

Emma sat on the examination table playing with the doctor kit they had brought from home, but Sophie stood by her mother, “Mommy, why aren’t you happy?” 

Sam slowly lifted her face towards her daughter.  Wow.  She really couldn’t get away with much these days.  At 3 years old, the twins could easily pick up on her emotions, her stress, and her mood. 

“I’m happy, Soph.  I just get nervous in new situations and I want to make a good impression.” She was trying to simplify the facts for her kids.  The truth was she was beyond annoyed at the office staff.  Trying to reign in her anger, she had already called them all sorts of incompetent synonyms in her head, but it still didn’t diffuse the real issue.

Sam had been looking forward to meeting Dr. Ketter, a female pediatrician who came with high recommendations to her by several colleagues because of her experience with raising twins, something Sam always felt inadequate at.  But after filling out all her new patient paperwork, twice because of the twins, she was informed by the redhead behind the desk that Dr. Ketter was no longer taking new patients, but that one of the many other doctors in the clinic was.  The chipper redhead also told Sam that Dr. Ketter is often on call during the weekends, and if the twins were ever to become really sick that Sam might be lucky enough to meet her then.  That’s when the morning had started to go downhill fast.  Furious, Sam asked if the receptionist was insinuating it was good luck if her girls got “really sick” and the redhead made the mistake of answering her.  Pat, the Office Manager, who had overheard the exchange had luckily stepped into the situation and apologized for the mix-up with Dr. Ketter, but promised Sam that she would like all of the doctors in the practice.  Sam had her doubts.

“I’m happy, Baby.   I promise,” Sam said to Sophie, reaching and putting the child on her lap.  _At least the nurse who had seen to the girls this morning was nice_ , Sam thought.  She had made a big deal about complimenting their dresses and talked to them instead of only to Sam, which Sam knew the girls appreciated immensely.  She took their height, weights, temperature, and head measurement, and once in the room asked them several questions, measuring their speech development.  The nurse typed everything in her small laptop, then got up saying the doctor would be in shortly.  That was 10 minutes ago.  Emma hopped down from the examination table and searched the room for something else to do.  There were some children’s books on the Doctor’s bench and Emma went for them.

“Don’t Emma!” Sam shouted and Emma jumped back. 

“Sorry, Mommy.  I just wanted that book!” 

Taking a deep breath, Sam tried to calm down.  “I know Emma, I’m sorry.  We don’t know who last touched those books, honey.  This is a place where kids who are sick come to see the doctor.  We aren’t sick today, but most likely the last little girl or boy who read that book was sick.  That’s why Mommy had you each bring a toy to play with from home.  That way we don’t get sick from someone else.”   At their last pediatrician’s office the girls always became ill 2 or 3 days after a well-child visit.  _Damn germs._ Sophie hugged her doll tighter and Emma went back to her doctor’s kit, annoyed. 

Finally, there was a light tap on the door, and then it opened.  The doctor peeked in before completely entering the room.  “Well hello,” he took stock of everyone in the room before turning his attention to Sam.  Extending his hand toward her, he said in the most polite voice Sam had heard since moving to this town, “Hi, I’m Dr. O’Neill.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cover art by the fabulous XFchemist!
> 
> Prescriptions has been nominated for a fan award in two categories, Angst and Alternate, in the 2015 Sam and Jack Multimedia Awards. Visit samandjackawards (dot) com. Thank you!
> 
>  


	2. The Gorgeous Doctor

Sam shook his hand and answered in a small voice, “Hi.” 

The man was gorgeous.   And Sam was stunned into silence.  When they told her the girls would be seeing Dr. Jack O’Neill, Sam didn’t know what she was expecting him to look like, maybe old and overweight, maybe tall and lanky.  But this man was neither.  He was the right height with the right build and the right everything.  By the time Sam came back to herself Emma was already chatting with the cute doctor.  Thank God for Emma; the girl could talk your arm off on any given day. 

 “Well, you just keep practicing on all your dolls and then you’ll be an expert at giving check-ups with that awesome kit you’ve got there,” Dr. O’Neill said to Emma.

Sophie had long abandoned Sam’s lap to hop on the exam table next to her sister and listen to the doctor. too.  He glanced in Sam’s direction and she looked back at him with a genuine smile.  He was obviously good with children.  _Of course he is Sam, he’s a pediatrician,_ she chided herself. 

 “Ok, which one of you princesses wants to go first?” He asked the girls and they shot up excited arms.

“Me!” they both said, beyond excited, and Sam laughed out loud.  What an incredible turn of events.

Dr. O’Neill piped up, “Ok, ok.  I know how to decide.” He put his hand on his chin and pretended to think.  “Now, if I had to guess, I’d say that you were born first,” he said pointing at Emma.  The girls just stared back at him clearly clueless, and Dr. O’Neill looked at Sam who nodded. 

“They don’t know.  But yes, Emma was born first,” Sam confirmed.

“Aha!” said Dr. O’Neill triumphantly.  “That means that it’s only fair if we let your sister go first, since she was born second.”  This elicited a frown from Emma but a huge smile from Sophie.  He started on the exam and Sam watched him closely, listening to her heart, checking ears, mouth, throat, etc.  He looked at Sam after a minute and said, “The first twin to be born is usually in charge, more assertive, talkative, that kind of stuff.  It was just a lucky guess.” He said nonchalantly, while thumping what looked like a tiny hammer on Sophie’s knees.  Oh, that comment peaked Sam’s interest immediately.

 “No, you’re right… absolutely right, actually. Emma is definitely the mother of the two.”  Then Sam added, “Do you know a lot about twins?”

Dr. O’Neill asked Sophie to lie down and explained to her that he was going to lift her top and poke at her belly.  “Well, I see a lot of twins here at the practice and I’ve picked up on a lot.  I know you were interested in seeing Dr. Ketter; she is raising her twin grandsons and probably knows more about the daily life with twins.  Sorry you got stuck with me, but if you ever need to know something I don’t already know, I’d be happy to ask her opinion on your behalf.” 

He answered her so calmly, so comfortably, and all the while examining Sophie with such precision, that Sam replied, “No, of course not.  I’m sure the girls will be happy being stuck with you,” Sam said, making air quotes with her hands on the word “stuck.” _And not just them._

He examined each of the girls, pausing in between to type his notes and wash his hands.  Then he produced two purple suckers from a mysterious pocket and the girls were overjoyed.  Dr. O’Neill had saved the day.  “Now, you girls sit here and practice with your kit while I talk to your Mom for just a minute, then you can be on your way,” he said to them and then sat on his stool and rolled it closer to where Sam was sitting.

“Ok, Mrs. Hanson.  The girls look great from what I can tell.  Their ears are clear, strong little hearts and lungs.  Now, I don’t have their medical history yet to know how they are doing on their growth.  What we’ll do is get all their records transferred over from their previous physician, and then I’ll have a better idea of how that’s going the next time you come in.  From their stats today I can tell you that they look like the average healthy three-year-old. ” He paused and let her respond.

“That’s great, thank you,” Sam said.  “Sophie isn’t a great eater.  Well, neither of them really likes to eat vegetables or anything remotely healthy, but I still try.  Emma seems to have a better appetite, always has, but Sophie eats like a bird.  Sometimes I don’t know what to do about it.”

He nodded and gave her sound advice on the nutrition that the twins should be following.  Sam was surprised by some of his clever ideas of how to incorporate what he called “reject vegetables” into their diet, like spinach, beets, and cauliflower.  Apparently they were super brain foods that aided in the cognitive and neurological development.  Sam wrote some things down on the tiny notebook she carried in her purse.  She felt dumb in these matters of parenting.  Shouldn’t she know to just mash up some vegetables and hide them in the girls’ spaghetti? _I guess that must come from something my mom never got to teach me,_ Sam thought, sadly.

When Sam was done asking questions he got back up and addressed the girls. “Now, I hope not to see you anytime soon, but if you _do_ get sick, just tell Mom to bring you in, ok?”  The girls nodded emphatically, their suckers still stuck in their mouths.

“Pleasure to meet you all,” he said, then extended his hand again to Sam, “Mrs. Hanson, the nurse will be in shortly with their flu mists.”

Sam shook his hand, not wanting to correct him.  “It was nice meeting you too.”  She said, because technically she still was Mrs. Hanson.  _I guess I always will be,_ she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC


	3. Lonely at Home

Jack walked through the front door and kicked it closed with his foot, tossing his keys on the entryway table.  His dog was there ready to greet him, and Jack put his bag of take-out on the side table by the keys and knelt down by the dog, “Hey Thor,” he petted him, “keep all the neighborhood cats in check, did ya?”  Thor wagged his tail and then went to sniff at the food.

 “That Chinese is for me buddy.”

 Grabbing the bag, Jack placed it in the kitchen and then moved through the house towards his room to change.  He sat on his bed and began to unlace his shoes.  Black, shiny shoes.  He really needed to find something more comfortable to wear all day while on his feet.  The slacks and button down shirts he wore matched his profession, but sometimes made him feel stiff and old.  He often ended up with rolled up sleeves halfway through the day, but he figured it was hidden beneath his white Dr.’s coat anyway. 

He changed into baggy jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, and went about his routine.  Feeding Thor, he then sat on the couch with his take-out and a beer, and channel surfed for the usual Hockey or Simpsons reruns.   Tonight he could find neither on T.V., and settled for an episode of Mythbusters he had recorded; it was the MacGyver special after all.  He propped his feet up on the coffee table and dug into his beef broccoli.

After about 30 minutes, Jack realized he was watching a commercial.  The whole reason for the new cable box was for him to be able to record shows and fast forward through them when he got home. He decided to turn the show off instead.

Jack had been deep in thought, watching but somewhere else.  He saw a lot of kids today.  Only a few had any serious ailments, but it was still a long day.  He leaned over to the side table and picked up the lone picture frame there, bringing it towards him.  Charlie looked so young, just like most of his patients.  Not a minute went by that Jack didn’t miss him, or that Jack didn’t think of him.

The image of the two little girls from today popped in his head.  He put Charlie’s picture back down and plopped his head back onto the couch cushion.  He found Thor’s head on his lap and started petting him.  They were so cute, those twins.  Light brown hair in pig tails, beautiful blue eyes, their mother’s eyes.  Jack thought back to the Mother.  She was beautiful.  Blond, short hair, tall, and thin. _Gorgeous_ , Jack thought. _Her husband probably thinks so too, Jack._ His conscious shot back.  Jack sighed. 

That was another problem.  Besides all the adorable kids Jack saw all day, he saw all the mothers too.  A lot of the women who came in looked exhausted, sounded worse, and nagged on their children.  But some looked good, too good.  And a lot of the single mothers threw themselves at Jack unashamedly.  It was really hard to keep his own when a hot woman was offering so blatantly.  But Jack knew the reality of the single women in his office, too.  These mothers weren’t just looking for a fling, a quick romance, a relationship for fun and companionship.  They had needs beyond themselves, reflected in the children the mothers were bringing in.  They wanted a husband; a replacement for the children’s father; a well-off doctor to set them and their kids up in the aftermath of a failed marriage, or worse, widowhood.  Jack didn’t think he could be that man.  After Sarah and Charlie, Jack was sure he was done with the family aspect of life.  But a fling?  A nice romance after the long workweek?  Someone to have dinner with, to sit on the couch next to, to wake up with?  Jack felt bad for thinking these things, for wanting someone like that, but he was only human.  He couldn’t pretend to be someone else.

And later, after Jack followed his nightly routine, he lay in bed awake, thinking of those two little girls, and of their blond mother with blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Mythbusters, etc. There actually is a MacGyver Special. It's Season 6, Episode 6, if you're interested.


	4. Two Kids and a Cold Bed

Sam scrubbed the last pan in the sink, getting all the food bits off before placing it in the dishwasher and closing the appliance.  Washing her hands, she yelled out, “Girls, five more minutes on that show and then its bath time!”  Not hearing a reply, Sam shut the water off and strode into the living room while drying her hands on a dish towel. 

“Did anyone hear me?”  

Still, she got no response.  The tiny eyes were glued to the screen, barely blinking.  Sam reached for the remote on the couch and pressed pause.  Immediately the eyes went to her.  

“Mommy!” The girls protested.

“Did anyone hear what I said?  We have to go take a bath in 5 minutes.  Do you understand?”  Sam asked.

Emma replied first, “No, Mommy, we have to finish Geowge.”  Sam looked at the screen.  The Curious George episode had 8 more minutes on it, so she caved. 

“Okay. Once this show ends then we are taking a bath.  Understood?”

“Yes, Mommy,” she heard them both yell as she walked out of the room. 

Sam walked to her bedroom and sat on her bed.  Leaning down she took off her sneakers.  She looked down at her outfit: jeans and a pale pink sweater with sneakers.  Why had she worn that today knowing she was going to meet the new pediatrician?  _Maybe because you thought the pediatrician was going to be an experienced grandmother, not a gorgeous man._ What did it matter anyway? It’s not like the gorgeous doctor was available.  He looked a bit older than her, there was definitely some gray in his hair, but it was mostly brown.  And his eyes were dark brown, like chestnuts.  What is it that people called that color? _Chocolate brown, how cliché_.  Sam thought about the way he treated the girls, a smile forming on her face.

Hearing a girly screech down the hall, Sam pushed herself off the bed and went to bathe the girls.

An hour later and the girls were both in bed. “Goodnight Soph, I hope you sleep well.”  Sam tucked Sophie in with her Minnie and kissed her cheek.  “Mommy, can we go see Dr. Neill again?”

“Did you like Dr. O’Neill?  He was pretty fun, wasn’t he?”  Sam asked.

“Yeah and he gave us suckers!” Emma answered from across the room. 

“Yeah, he gave us suckers, Mommy!” Sophie repeated.

“I’m glad you liked him.  The next time we have a check-up or we get sick we can go see him again.  Deal?”

“Yeah!” Emma shouted. “And he can give us more suckers!”

“Good night you two, sweet dreams,” Sam said, moving out of the room. 

She walked to her room and shed her clothing, dumping it all into the hamper.  Full.   _I have to do laundry tomorrow_. Stepping into the bathroom she turned the shower on and waited for the water to get hot.  She ran her fingers through her messy, oily hair and frowned.  Looking at herself in the mirror, she almost couldn’t recognize the woman there.  Her face was pale, made worse by the huge dark circles under her eyes.  She looked further down, her breasts full but hanging a bit lower than they used to, her abdomen covered in stretch marks, and lower, the scar from her cesarean.  She blew out a long breath and puffed out her cheeks. _This is me._  

She walked into the shower, letting the hot water flow over her for longer than she usually did.  The hot water did little to dispel the icy chill that had become her life.  She thought back on how she had treated the receptionist at the doctor’s office.  _I hope I’m not becoming a disgruntled woman with a cold heart._  There were other less appropriate words she could use to describe herself lately.

Warmed from the shower and in her pajamas, Sam walked back into the girls’ room.  They were both asleep, Emma snoring softly.  She covered Sophie back up and gave her another kiss, and turned the lamp off.  Walking into the kitchen Sam poured herself a glass of wine, picked up the pile of papers on the counter and walked toward the couch.  Turning the T.V. on, she scrolled through her list of recorded materials, landing on the latest Mythbusters.  “MacGyver Special,” it said.   _Huh, Mark used to watch that show._ She pressed play and started grading her papers with a red marker.

Later, in bed, when Sam felt cold and alone, she thought about the dark-haired doctor again, his chocolate brown eyes.  He probably had a wife back at home who really appreciated his features.  _I bet he has a daughter too. Or maybe a son._  

 

 


	5. Toning Up

Jack pedaled faster. “ _T” is gonna kill me if I don’t get at least another cycle in before he gets back,_ Jack thought, speeding up even more.  Sweat was dripping from his brow and his legs were starting to cramp.  As if knowing his limits, the bike monitor beeped signaling another completed cycle and Jack relaxed, letting his legs slow to a leisurely stroll on the bike.  He wiped his sweaty forehead with his shoulder, staining the shirt wet, and looked around the crowded gym.  It was pretty full this late in the day.  Jack preferred getting up early, coming to the gym before most people were out of the house.  But he had noticed the extra weight lately, especially around his middle, and T had offered to give him a couple of extra sessions in the afternoons. _Must be all that beer._ The constant take-out probably didn’t help either, but Jack hated cooking elaborate meals.

His inward thoughts were interrupted when he spotted a head of golden hair bouncing around in the workout room across from the elliptical machines.  The bikes were in the back of the room, near the walls, so Jack had a pretty good view of all the machines on the floor and of the room where classes were held.  Inside, a large group of women were vigorously moving about, each hopping on and off their own personal step, arms and legs moving everywhere.  It was really more than any male should be able to handle.  Hips and thighs and backs beings stretched.  And there was bending… lots and lots of bending.  Which is why Jack preferred it when the room was empty.  That way he could actually relax and focus on working out.  Instead there he sat, the pedals almost immobile, eyes fixed on the blond head by the clear glass wall.  _It’s her._

She was definitely working out.  Stepping up over her stool-like contraption she crossed to the other side, then quickly back over, followed by a series of squats and lunges that had Jack reeling.  All her movements were measured and graceful.  She knew the steps, unlike some of the other women in the back that looked lost and only got a couple of parts of the routine right. _She probably comes to this class all the time._   She was wearing black yoga pants and a white sleeveless workout top and hot pink sneakers.  Her green sports bra straps were peeking out on either side of her shoulder blades, which were exposed by the shirt, and Jack was entranced.  She was fit and toned and beautiful.  The sweat glistened on her skin and Jack was nearly drooling.

“See something you like?”

Startled, Jack looked over to see Teal’c smirking at him.  “You know there are plenty of single women in there that would love nothing more than to…”

“Hey T, do you know that one?” Jack interrupted what he could only guess was going to be a lewd comment and gestured with his head, “the blond in the back.”

Teal’c looked over and a single eyebrow shot up appreciatively.  “Yeah, she’s a regular, but I don’t know her name.” He looked back over at Jack and then his facial expression changed.  “She doesn’t have a trainer but she comes in almost methodically and does that class, group blast, but sometimes she runs herself silly on the treadmill.  Sometimes I wonder if she’s actually trying to run from something; she’s intense.”

Jack nodded and looked back in at the feminine display of skin.  He felt a little like a creep for looking, but she was so damn gorgeous.  They had moved on from all the jumping and were on the floor doing crunches, and Jack could see her face clearly now.  _Definitely her._  

Teal’c interrupted his thoughts yet again.  “Ah, hate to break it to you though, but I think that one’s taken.” 

_Ah, of course she is._

Jack asked, “Why do you say that? Does her husband come in with her?” Jack looked around the gym as if trying to spot who the blue eyed mother could be attached to.

“No. I’ve never seen her come in with a dude.  But she doesn’t come alone.”  Teal’c prefaced.

“Twin girls,” Jack supplied for him.

Teal’c nodded. “So you saw her come in.  She always has them.  Drops them off at the kid area and as soon as the class is over she grabs ‘em and leaves.” Teal’c checked Jack’s stats on the bike monitor and added, “Unless she feels up to running like crazy on the machine first.”

Two muscled men walked by and acknowledged Teal’c, “Hey Murray, how’s it going.”  Teal’c nodded and the guys kept moving towards the locker room.

“She came into the office; the girls are my newest patients.  I thought she had just moved to town.” Jack frowned and then added, “she been coming here as long as me?”

Teal’c made a face trying to think.  “Nah, maybe a couple of months.  I guess she started in the summer? Maybe before that?  I don’t remember.”  He waited a minute then added, “You look smitten.”

Jack hopped off the bike, annoyed.  “Come on T, what’s next?”

“Weights,” Teal’c supplied, and Jack grimaced.  


	6. Running

Sam had only been running for ten minutes but she could feel her energy plummet.  After the week she had, choosing to run after her step class was probably not a good idea.  She hit the dials on the machine, brining it down to a slow jog and took a swig of her water bottle.  It did little to revive her tired body.  She turned her head to look at the giant clock on the wall of the gym, 5:47pm.   _The girls are probably getting hungry._

 

She turned the dial down further and started to cool down.  She scanned the crowded gym and people-watched.  There was an elderly couple a few machines down from hers, walking slowly side by side. _That’s nice._  She looked in front of her at the floor of weight machines.  Two girls wearing practically nothing were using the thigh toner and making a show of laughing, trying to get the attention of the muscled men around them.  Right in the middle of the floor she spotted a well-built, brown-haired man pushing forward on some bar, lifting the load of weights behind his seat.  Releasing the bar slowly and exhaling, the weights came back down, and Sam noticed one of the gym’s trainers was with him, talking to him animatedly.

 

It was that African-American-wall-of-muscle trainer.  He was huge and stoic, though she had seen him plenty of times laughing and chatting with his clients.  Her gaze went back to the man lifting weights.  It had been a long time since Sam had let herself appreciate the features of a man.  This man was tall and handsome, and by the looks of it this wasn’t the first time he was weight-training.  His upper body was toned and firm and even though she was supposed to be cooling down, the room kept getting warmer. _Well, at least I know I still have a pulse._  Giving up on the cool down, she stopped the machine and focused on the man’s face.  She sucked in a breath.  _It’s him._

She allowed herself the luxury of watching him for a few more minutes, mesmerized as the weights went up and back down, hidden behind the treadmill and the sea of sweaty people.  He looked so different from the Doctor she had met at the office, wearing slacks and shiny shoes.  He had looked good in his white lab coat, but here she caught a glimpse of a more relaxed man; his clingy t-shirt was sweat stained and his feet tapped along with the music playing around in the gym.  Tearing her eyes off of him, she stared back up at the clock and sighed, 5:58pm.  _Time to go._

Quietly getting off the treadmill, Sam made her way to the exit, careful to avoid the weight machines, and went to pick up the girls from the gym kid area, wondering what to make for dinner.


	7. A Sick Child Visit

“Mommy, I need a tissue for my sneeze,” Sophie said pitifully, sitting on the examination table.  Sam looked over at her and reached for the tissue box on the counter in the room. 

“You need a tissue for your snot, honey, not your sneeze,” Sam corrected her, helping her with her nose.  On the chair in the corner of the room sat Emma, watching a video on Sam’s cell phone.  Sam came over and touched her forehead.  “You ok, Em?”

“Yuhum” Emma replied.  “When is Dr. Neill going to check us?”

“I’m sure he’ll be in here as soon as he can, Sweetheart,” and as she said it Emma coughed violently and dropped Sam’s phone.  The cover flew off and landed under the examination table, while the phone skidded to a stop against the wall. 

“Sorry Mommy.” Emma looked horrified, sure she was going to get in trouble.  Sam took a deep breath and let it back out.  She was exhausted.  One sick child was enough to tire out any parent, two was entirely overwhelming.  It was in times like these that Sam mourned being a single parent.  A partner would help with the coughing in the middle of the night, would clean throw up with her, give warm baths to bring down fevers, maybe let her sleep for a few hours in between the constant ups and downs.

“It’s OK Emma, I’m not mad at you.” 

Across the room Sophie pointed out, “Mommy, it was an accident.”

“It’s alright Girls, don’t worry.  It can be put back together,” Sam said kneeling down on the floor.  “If I can just find it.” She crawled halfway under the examination table and leaned her right arm forward.  The tips of her fingers touched the lost cover. “I got it.”  But as she said it, she heard the light tap on the door and heard it opening.  _Oh perfect,_ she thought. 

sSsSsSsSsSs

Jack came into the room to a clear shot of Mrs. Hanson’s rear.  He stopped abruptly. What was she doing? “Hum, hello ladies.”

At his voice, Sam jerked up and bumped her head on the bottom of the examination table, making a loud clanging sound.  He heard a quiet “Ow,” and then she quickly righted herself, coming to her feet with what looked like a cell phone in her hands.

“Doctor, hi,” Sam said trying to hide her embarrassment.

“Everything ok?”  He smiled, “with your, um,” he pointed to the phone in her hand.

Sam looked awkwardly to the phone cover in her hands.  Emma spoke up pointing to the phone on the floor near the wall, “I dropped Mommy’s phone and it broke.”

Jack looked at the spot Emma pointed to and went to retrieve the phone. “Nah, it looks ok to me!”

Emma hopped down from the chair and explained to him, “But the back fell off, see.” She took the red phone cover from Sam’s hand.  Feeling like the room had gotten smaller, Sam went to sit on the chair Emma had just vacated.

“Well, it really just needs a doctor,” Jack played with them. “Here, let me see it.”  From the table, Sophie giggled while Jack quickly put the cover back on the phone with a loud click.  “See, good as new!”

Emma and Sophie smiled and Jack turned to hand the phone back to Sam.  She smiled too, and when she took the phone, her fingers touched his.  “Thank you.”

Clapping his hands together, Jack turned towards the girls.  “Now, what’s going on with my new patients?”

“Fevers, runny nose, cough… the works,” Sam listed off. “Oh, and let’s not forget my personal favorite: vomiting and diarrhea.”

Jack gave her a half smile and typed on his laptop while sitting on the doctor’s stool.  “They both have all the symptoms? Or is one worse than the other?”

Sam thought for a minute. “Emma was first, starting with the runny nose and cough, but Sophie became symptomatic 24 hours later and has caught up with Emma on just about everything.  Emma’s fevers have been a bit higher though.”

“How high was the highest fever?” Jack asked.

“103.4,” Sam answered.  “I give them Tylenol and sometimes a warm bath if the fever doesn’t go down with just the meds.”

“That’s very good.”  Jack nodded, still typing.  “Ok, do you remember when that high fever was?”

“Hum.  Yes, around 3:30 in the morning today.  All other fevers have been between 101 and 102,” Sam answered.

“Is the mucus clear or colored?” Jack asked scrunching up his face towards the girls.  They both laughed.

Sam couldn’t help but smile too.  “Mostly clear.  It’s been yellow a couple of times.”

Jack typed some more then got up.  “Let’s start with Emma since she got sick first,” Jack said, patting the examination table.  He had no idea which child was which; they looked very alike.  One of the girls made their way to the table, while the other hopped off, so he had his answer.

Jack examined Emma.  Her throat was very red and raw and her skin was clammy.  “How has her appetite been, Mrs. Hanson?”

Caught off guard again by her married honorific, Sam stuttered through the answer. “She, um,”  Sam cleared her throat, “not good.  Um, she’ll drink apple juice, but hasn’t been interested in any foods.”

Jack nodded, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.  Let me put in an order for a throat swab real quick and then I’ll examine Sophie.”  Sam expected him to leave the room but he just clicked a few buttons on his laptop and then called Sophie over to the table.

“What will the swab test for?” Sam asked

“Strep,” Jack said and Sam groaned. “It’s been going around... highly contagious.  Do they go to preschool anywhere?”

“Yes, Tuesdays and Thursdays for a few hours,” Sam informed him.

“That’s good.  There’s nothing you can do about the germ-spreading at schools.  Just always encourage the girls to wash their hands really well,” he said, and a knock on the door announced a nurse coming in.

“Doctor,” she said, “you needed a strep test?”  The nurse noticed both girls and then added, “Oh, do you need two? I only brought one swab.”

“No, Nancy. Just one.” Then he turned to Emma.  “Ok, Emma.  Sit up here and Nurse Nancy will take a little peek inside your mouth, ok?”

Emma complied and Sam asked, “So, Sophie’s throat looks ok?”

The nurse finished and left saying she’d have the result in a minute.

Jack spoke up while listening to Sophie’s lungs, “No, her throat looks just as bad as her sister’s, but there is no need to run two tests.  I can see that their symptoms are identical.  If Emma’s results come back positive, I’ll treat them both.”

Sam nodded, satisfied and Jack continued, “Sophie’s ears are slightly infected.  Not enough to worry about yet, but I’m afraid they could get worse, especially with all her other drainage issues, so…”

There was another knock and the nurse popped her head through the crack.  “The test was positive for streptococcus, Dr. O’Neill.”

“Thanks Nancy,” he said, and she left.  “Ok, so we’ll treat them both with some antibiotics.  I want you to give them lots of fluids.  Don’t worry about food just yet, just try to keep them hydrated.  They’ll tell you when they’re ready to eat.” He typed in his laptop, “Oh, and make sure to get them new toothbrushes in a few days or they can re-infect themselves after getting better.  They can go back to school 48 hours after they start their meds.”

He got up and looked over at the girl’s mother.  She was jotting things down in that tiny notebook she had from the previous visit, hunched over on the examination table.  She looked tired; probably had been dealing with this illness for a few days already and he knew it was nowhere near over.  She looked up as if just noticing he had stopped talking.  “Any other questions?” He asked.

Sam hesitated, “Um, I can’t think of anything else.  Thank you so much Dr. O’Neill.  I had no idea they could have something like this.”

“It’s normal.  Kids just get sick.” He turned to the girls, who were now both sitting together on the exam table.

“Girls, I need you to drink lots of juice and water and try to get better, Ok?”  They both nodded and then he added without thinking, “and remember that you guys are sick with something that can get other people sick too, so no kissing on Mommy or Daddy for a few days, Ok?”

And then something happened Jack couldn’t explain.  It’s like the air in the room shifted.  Realizing the chill, and thinking about what he had said, Jack looked from the girls, who sat frozen in their seats, to their mother.  She had closed her eyes and her mouth was pressed into a thin line.  And then he heard the little voice of a three year old saying, “My Daddy is dead.”

sSsSsSsSsSsS

Sam couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  She was getting used to situations like this, where Jonas’ death was mentioned, but it was still hard hearing it from her tiny daughter’s lips and watching the expressions on their little faces.  It wasn’t Emma’s fault, Sam knew.  Children this age just blurted out whatever it was they were thinking, and Emma and Sophie knew their father was dead.  Sam had never pretended with them, saying that Daddy had “gone on a trip”, or “moved far away,” or “gone to live with the angels.”  Sam couldn’t even stomach the last thought.  Sam didn’t wish evil upon the dead, but she couldn’t imagine Jonas up in heaven.  That’s where her mother was, and Jonas didn’t belong with her mother.

Sam walked through to the lobby of the Doctor’s office determined, one child clutched in each hand.  She was almost to the exit.  She kept picturing Dr. O’Neill’s face at Emma’s revelation.  He had felt awful for saying what he did, imagining how the girls couldn’t kiss their father like he had suggested they might.  He had immediately apologized, red with embarrassment, his hands clutching the small laptop.  With all her stammering about afterwards he probably thought she was some bereaved widow ready to fall apart at the mention of her dead husband. _Oh, whatever Sam_ , she thought. She was sure he would forget all about the awkward moment by the time the girls had to come in again.  _He’s probably already forgotten it._

She was almost clear of the lobby when she heard behind her, “Miss Hanson!”  Sam turned and saw Nurse Nancy jogging toward her, the door that led to all the examination rooms wide open.  “Dr. O’Neill said you forgot your prescription,” she said, her arm extended, a small white paper folded in half in her hands.

Sam took the prescription and thanked her, leaving with the girls.  She strapped the girls into their car seats and threw herself into the driver’s seat.  Sighing loudly, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to breathe deeply.  _Of course this had to happen today._  She took another deep breath. _Of course it had to happen when I’m this sleep deprived and the girls sick._ Another loud exhale.  Anytime people asked about their father in public it sparked a conversation later at home.  With Jonas dead for over 2 years, the girls had no recollection of him at all and this sort of thing just sparked their interest and led to more and more questions. Deep breath.

She looked down at the folded paper still clutched in her hand.  She knew the prescriptions would be automatically sent to the pharmacy; that’s how it was done these days.  Slowly unfolding the prescription card, Sam read the note written in a doctor’s scrawl:

 

_I’m so sorry.  Please forgive my insensitive remark._

_Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do._

_Jack O’Neill_

_755.6559_

Sam read the note twice.  Looking up at the printed information on the prescription card, she noticed the number he wrote down didn’t match the clinic’s office number.  _His personal number._

Putting the note in her purse, she turned on the ignition and drove home.


	8. Lunch Break

“And don’t forget that your Schrödinger Theory papers are due on Monday.  If it’s less than 15 pages, don’t bother turning it in,” Sam said to the group of worn down students.  Although the school term had only just begun, everyone was feeling the urge to play around in the fall weather, instead of doing other mandatory things, like writing physics term papers. 

“That’s it for today, thank you.” And with that, the room emptied quickly.  Sam turned and started erasing the blackboard behind her as the room started slowly filling back up again.  More tired students bracing themselves for yet another class today.  _Thank God I don’t have to teach this bunch._ Grabbing her materials, she was almost run over by Professor McKay as he entered the room.  She hated that his advanced Elementary Particles course met right after her Quantum Mechanics.

“Rodney, always a pleasure,” Sam said sarcastically while sliding away through the door.

Looking up for the first time and noticing who it was he had bumped into, McKay answered, “Really?  ‘Cause I can take you out to lunch, you know,” he said loudly looking out the door, but Sam was already far down the hall, and just waved her hand without turning around.  _Ass._

Sam made her way to her office and closed the door.  Dropping her materials on her desk, she moved her mouse and unlocked her computer.  A few new emails popped up and she scrolled through them.  There was a new email from Janet asking if they could reschedule this afternoon’s session.  Feeling morose from her previous class, Sam typed up a quick email saying they could just skip this week and she’d be fine. 

Her door flew open and she smiled.  “Hey, Daniel”

 “Hey,” he said, looking up from his book and fixing his glasses on his nose.  “I’m not early, am I?”

“No, but I am starving.  Can we just eat around here?” She asked.

“Sure, I haven’t had my fill of bad cafeteria food this week yet,” he said with a smile.

They made their way to the main dining hall.  It was more populated with students, but Sam thought the food here was pretty decent.  “And then the kid raises his hand in the middle of my explanation and wants to know if I thought that the aliens who built the pyramids were green or blue and the whole class laughed.”

Sam scrunched her face.  “Sorry, Daniel.  That sounds pretty awful.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “I just don’t know that actually publishing this book will be a good idea.”  Sam pushed her plate out of the way and reached for her tall glass of blue jello.  “I mean, what if the University fires me or something?”

“They can’t fire you for writing a book.  Besides, you’ve been working so hard on it.  You have to at least finish it,” she said, taking another bite.

“Yeah, I guess,” Daniel said, pushing his own plate out of the way.  “I just hope someone actually reads it one day.”

“I’ll read it!”  Sam said with a huge smile.  “Besides, I’ve already read like half your manuscript.  I think it’s good,” Sam said with sincerity.  He didn’t need to know she thought his theory on the pyramids was a bit, well, sketchy.

“So, I booked a flight for me and the girls to California for Christmas.  Mark even said he’d pay for the flight,” she chatted, “though I suspect he just wants to check up on us and make sure I’m not depressed or feeding the girls all fast food or something.” 

“Oh, good!”  Daniel chimed in.  “I wondered about your plans for December.  I actually heard back yesterday from the Langford Grant and guess what?”

“You got it? No way!” Sam asked excited.

“Yep. Two weeks in a dig in Giza and maybe a week in Cairo,” he said, beaming.  “Apparently there are a lot of artifacts emerging with strange ancient Egyptian dialects.”

“And you are the expert,” Sam stated proudly.  “I’m so glad, Daniel.  Congratulations.”

“Thanks, Sam.  If I could just make this whole semester go faster…” Daniel said.

“Seriously, if only we could, I don’t know,” she said, thinking, “distort time.”

Daniel looked at her oddly and changed the subject.  They finished their lunch hour, laughing at each other’s stories about students and classes and Sam made her way back to her office.  Feeling more light-hearted than she had all week, Sam opened her email server back up and typed another email to Janet.

_‘Since you cancelled on me, how ‘bout you come over tonight after the kids’ bedtime?  Girls’ night in?  I’ll have the wine, you bring the ice cream?’_

She set about prepping Thursday’s classes and it wasn’t long before her computer dinged.  Opening Janet’s reply, she read, ‘ _You got it.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although the Giza dig is mentioned in this chapter, the Stargate will not play a role in this little AU, Sorry. At least I don't think it will...


	9. A Nudge

“I’m telling you, Mary Steenburgen, hands down,” Jack said taking a huge bite of his overstuffed sandwich.

“Uma Thurman is much more likely to win, O’Neill,” Teal’c said, opening his massive sandwich and admiring it before attacking it.  They were at one of those places where you wrote down your sandwich choices on a paper bag and the bag went through the sandwich-making line and came out perfect on the other side, sandwich inside.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, Teal’c concentrating on his choice of Italian meats and Jack watching the door as people came in and out.  Jack put his sandwich down and asked, “hey, have you seen that blond woman at the gym lately?”

Teal’c looked up at him. “What, the tall one with the twins?” Jack nodded, chewing and Teal’c added, “Yeah, she still comes in, does her class, runs her huge sprints.”  He took a swig of his water bottle.  “Why?”

“Just wondering,” Jack paused, considering what to say.  But this was Teal’c, if he couldn’t bare all to his best friend, then what was the point?  He pushed through, “Something happened, um… at the office, a few weeks ago now.”  He played with the now torn paper bag where his sandwich lay.

Teal’c just looked at Jack, giving him permission to continue, the unspoken acknowledgement that they were going into deeper territory.

“The twins came in, sick with strep throat.” He took a drink as well, “I made some comment about them not going home and kissing on their Dad so they don’t get him sick.”  He pursed his lips.

“Yeah, so?  Sounds like good advice to me,” Teal’c said, confused.

Jack sighed.  “Yeah, you’d think so.” And looking up into Teal’c’s eyes he added, “the Dad’s dead.”

“Oh, shit,” Teal’c said, genuinely understanding the situation. “What did you say afterwards?”

“I didn’t!  I mean, it was awkward as hell.  She was really flustered…the little girl is the one who blurted it out.  The way she said it kinda makes me think they all struggle with his death a lot.”  Jack explained in a rush.

“Undoubtedly,” was Teal’c’s remark. 

“She looked mortified, though.  I apologized immediately and we both made it through the end of the appointment, but it was painfully uncomfortable.”  He sighed looking down at his second sandwich half, sitting uneaten.  “That’s not all though,” Jack added nervously.

Teal’c remained still, except for his left eyebrow, which raised impossibly high.

“After she left the room, I sent the nurse after her with a note,” Jack said, embarrassed.

“What, as in a ‘folded-piece-of-paper-in-between-classes’ kind of note?” Teal’c asked, incredulous.

“I know, pathetic.  Sometimes I wonder what possesses me,” he said, looking to the side and pointing his hand towards himself.  He shrugged, “It was just an apology.  I wrote my cell number on it and let her know she could call me if she needed anything.”

“Has she?” Teal’c asked.

“What, called me?” He asked.

“Yes.  Has the hot blond, who apparently has _no husband_ , called you?” Teal’c stated, leaning forward in his seat.

“No.”  

Teal’c let out a loud breath of air and looked around the busy sandwich shop. He’d been friends with Jack for a long time and he’d seen the man through horrible life situations.  But this wasn’t horrible, Teal’c thought, this was good.  Well, it could be good.  Unless the blond wasn’t interested in him at all, but Teal’c knew women drooled over the man, so she had to have noticed him.  Yes, this could be good, it could be _great_.  In fact, Teal’c thought it was the most hopeful thing that had happened to the man in a long time.

“Call her,” Teal’c stated.

Silence.

After a minute Jack broke it.  “What do you mean call her?”

“I mean just that: call her.  Pick up the phone and call her.  Her kids are your patients, right?  So look up her number on their patient chart.  Call and ask her out,” Teal’c said determined.

Jack ran a hand down over his face.  “T, I can’t just call her out of the blue.”

“Why not? Are you just going to sit there thinking about her nonstop and hoping her kids get sick soon so you can see her again?” Teal’c said with a frown.

“No, of course not!” Jack sighed. “It’s just – T, I don’t know.”

Teal’c licked his lips and looked at Jack in the eyes. “O’Neill, I have known you for many years.  I’ve watched you go through a lot of crap no human should ever have to go through and yet you’ve come out of it a good person; a bit annoying at times, but good.”  He heard Jack’s “Hey!” in the background but trudged on, “But I know you.  You’ve suffered and you’re still suffering.” Jack looked away and Teal’c pressed on.

“I haven’t heard you talk about a woman since Sara.  Yeah I’ve caught you looking, but this is the first time you’ve been like this.  I think it’s time.  I think you should take a chance. I think you need to call her.”  Teal’c said, and with that, he got up and put on his jacket.  “I have another client at 1:15.  See you tonight?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jack said and Teal’c turned to leave. “Oh and T!” Jack added, “thank you.”

 “You are welcome, my friend.”


	10. The Call

Sam stirred the pasta sauce one last time, then dipped a spoon in it and brought it to her mouth. _Wow, pretty good._   The girls would never guess that tonight’s shells and meat-sauce pasta had 6 hidden vegetables.  The only ones you could actually see were the tiny carrot squares.  Everything else blended in with the dark tomato sauce and the taste was lost in the flavorful result.

Sam peeked in the living room.  The girls were both wearing dress-up clothes and making frogs and snakes out of play dough on the coffee table.   _I wonder how long this princess phase will last_ , Sam thought to herself.  These days, the girls barely made it through the door before requesting to put on one of their dress-up clothes. The constant on and off was exhausting. She wondered at what age children learned to put on their own dresses without help.

“Emma, Sophie, start putting your play dough away so we can have dinner, it’s almost ready,”  Sam said and immediately heard their protests but chose to walk back into the kitchen and ignore it for now.  She opened the cabinet where she kept bread and took out two Hawaiian rolls, putting one near each of the girl’s plates.  She heard a buzzing on the counter. _My cell phone._

Walking over and picking it up, Sam frowned; she didn’t recognize the number. Swiping at the screen, she brought the phone up to her ear.  “Hello?”

A male voice answered, “Um, yes, is this Samantha Hanson?”

Putting the phone between her ear and shoulder and reaching for three plates, she said, “Yes, who is this?  Look I don’t have time for a survey or anything—”

“Um, no,” the caller interrupted.  “No survey.  This is Jack O’Neill.”

sSsSsSsSs

There was a long pause.  A very long pause.  From his end of the line Jack could hear the sound of dishes being put down, and then nothing. Had she hung up?  _I hope she didn’t hang up._

“Um, are you there?” Jack asked, fearing the call had ended.

“I’m sorry, who is this?” Her voice, thought firm, sounded nervous.

“It’s Jack O’Neill.” _She doesn’t know who I am,_ Jack thought.

He tried again, “Hum, Dr. O’Neill, Emma and Sophie’s pediatrician...”  Surely that would work.

More plates being put down, followed by her clearing her throat. “Yes! Of course.  I’m sorry about that.”

Thinking this was out to a bad start, Jack cleared his throat too.  “No, that’s ok. I know I’m calling unexpectedly and everything…”

sSsSsSsSs

He trailed off and she didn’t know if she should say something or if he was going to complete his thought.  The girls’ cute doctor was on the phone and all she could do was stand there, confused.  She had known who it was as soon as he said his name.  She had thought of the man often since that day weeks ago, when she had fled the pediatrician’s office clutching a prescription in her hand.  The prescription was tucked away in Sam’s nightstand drawer, and she looked at it occasionally, studying the scrawl, thinking about the doctor with brown eyes.  And here he was on the phone.  _Say something Samantha! Anything!_  But she couldn’t think of a thing to say, not one.  She slowly sank onto her chair on the kitchen table.

“Is there something you needed?” She blurted out.  _Oh, god! That sounded like I’m trying to get rid of him._

It’s exactly what Jack thought.  He immediately spoke in a resigned tone, “I’m sorry, it sounds like I called you at a bad time, I can just—”

“No!” she yelled out, and then tried to calm her voice down. “No. Right now is fine, really.”

“Okay,” he said.

More silence.  Sam was starting to wonder if he had given up and hung up at her awkward lack of conversation skills, when she heard, “Listen, Miss Hanson, I’m not very good at this so I’m just gonna come out with it.“ 

“Okay,” she answered, hesitant.  Sam still had no idea what was going on.  Was he calling about the girl’s health?  Maybe to make sure she had no hard feelings about the “dead father” comment.

“I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me, um, sometime,” he said rather quickly, interrupting her thoughts.  Then added, “Well, not really sometime.  Er, more like this Friday night, if you’re not busy.”

Silence yet again.  Sam had stopped breathing altogether.  He was asking her out?  The gorgeous doctor was calling her at home to ask her out? _Maybe I heard him wrong._

“Um, are you there?  Miss Hanson?” Jack asked, his voice now very unsure of the situation.

“It’s Sam,” she said, still not quite confident. “My name is Sam.”

sSsSsSsSs

He let out the breath he had been holding and tested out her name, “Sam. Thanks for letting me know. So, um…”

“You called to ask me to dinner?” she asked him, confirming what he had said.

“Yes.  I called to ask you out to dinner… on Friday night,” he stated.  He looked down at his feet.  This conversation was entirely too awkward for his liking.  No wonder it had taken him a week to work up the nerve to dial.  Why was she not saying anything?

“Like a date?” She asked, her voice low and soft, almost a whisper.

“Yes.  Like a date,” he answered.  “You know, two people getting to know one another.  Food, drinks, babysitter…”

He heard her clear her throat again and added, “I promise to be on my best behavior.”

“Dr. O’Neill,” she started, but it was his turn to correct her.

“It’s Jack.”

“Yes, Jack,” she paused, and he could hear her huge intake of air, “I’m gonna need to call you back.”


	11. Advice

Sam tapped her foot nervously on the floor, her hands under her thighs, her head rolling this way and that.  Finally, the door opened and a short man walked out, followed by Janet, who was making small talk with the balding man with glasses.

“I’ll see you next week Walter,” Janet said, waving at the man.  “Come on in Sam, just let me visit the restroom and I’ll be right with you.”

Sam knew the routine.  She walked into the room and sat on her favorite chair.  Looking around the room Sam wondered why she always sat here.  The room had several seating options: two grandfather winged-back chairs to one side of the room, where she and Janet usually sat, a traditional therapists’ chaise where one could lay down was on the opposite side, and a two person couch in the middle, facing a coffee table and Janet’s smaller desk on the other side.

Feeling anxious and jittery, Sam got up and went for the chaise.  She had never ventured to this side of the room, not in the 9 months she had been coming to Janet’s office.  Testing out her courage, she sat down on the chaise and looked around.  The view of the office was obviously different here, almost like she was somewhere new.  Emboldened, she turned her body and lay down completely, taking a deep breath.

Janet walked into the room and did a double take.  Sam never sat anywhere but in her usual chair.  “Hi, Sam. You doing ok?”

“Yes,” Sam answered.

“Ok.” Grabbing her notebook, Janet picked a new spot also, on the couch closer to the chaise. “What is so important you couldn’t wait until your regular Thursday appointment?” It was Tuesday.

Sam let out a long breath and stared up at the ceiling.  She closed her eyes.  “I need to discuss something,” she hesitated, “with Dr. Fraiser.”  Opening her eyes and turning her body slightly, she looked at Janet and added, “Janet and I can gossip about it later over a glass of wine, but right now I need to talk to Dr. Fraiser.”

“Of course,” Janet said, unfazed.  Janet knew Sam struggled with the lines since her and Sam had become such good friends.  She had found Sam to be a wonderful and loyal friend, but knew that Sam still needed Dr. Fraiser, the therapist, and had a hard time blending the two.  Most times, when they were in this office, they kept things professional and conversations were on task.  During their times away from the office, at the mall or at a restaurant, Janet never played the therapist card, and though she knew that befriending one of her clients to that level of sisterly affection was not entirely proper, she tried to pretend that it was.  And what the hell, she needed a friend like Sam as much as Sam needed her.

Having returned to her previous position on the chaise, Sam opened her mouth several times only to close it without saying anything.  Janet flipped open her notebook and waited.

“There’s a man,” Sam stated.

“Okay,” Janet said and waited.

“There’s a man and I don’t know what to do,” Sam stated again, staring at the ceiling.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning, Sam.  Who is this man?” Janet asked.

“Dr. O’Neill,” she closed her eyes again.  _The nicest doctor I’ve ever met._ “He’s the nicest doctor I’ve ever met.” She said out loud, remembering this was her safe room.  Anything could be said in here, Janet had rules.

“Is he your doctor? Your gynecologist?” Janet asked.

“Eww, no!”  Sam laughed, and stole a glance at Janet.  “He’s the girl’s pediatrician,” she said, smiling.  Only Janet would know how to lighten the mood; make her feel more at ease.

“Okay,” Janet waited.

“He’s gorgeous,” she said.  Janet smiled, but didn’t say anything.  “He, um, he’s really handsome.  Of course I noticed right away, I usually still notice men if they are handsome, but it was different with this one.”

“Why was it different with him?” Janet asked, serious.

Sam thought for a while.  “I don’t know.  Maybe it was because he was so good with the girls.  You should have seen him with Sophie, made her smile right away.”

“It makes you feel good when a man can show care for your children, so maybe this heightens your attraction to him,” Janet suggested.

“Maybe,” Sam thought, “or maybe it’s just him.  He has this presence about him.  It’s both comfortable and unnerving.”

Janet let Sam talk.  Sam recounted all her encounters with him, including her voyeurism at the gym, the awkward situation where he found out about her being a widow, and the painful phone conversation from the night before. 

“And what did you say when you called him back?” Janet asked.

Sam pursed her lips. “I didn’t.”

“You didn’t,” Janet repeated, and saw Sam shake her head, a pained expression on her face.  “Why didn’t you call him back?”

“I don’t know!” She shot up off the chaise.  “Jan, I don’t even know why I cut the conversation short and hung up.” She put a hand to her face and groaned.  “I don’t understand why I’m so, oh I don’t know… chicken!”  She sighed and brought her hands down.  “I wish you had known me years ago.  I was so confident, so sure.  Now I can’t even handle a simple phone conversation with a man.”

“I think you handled it just fine.  You found a way to end the conversation because you felt like you couldn’t make a decision on the spot.  Do you feel like you were rude?”

“Well, no.  Not in that sense.  We said goodbye and everything, but I know it was a huge brush-off.”  Sam breathed.  “He either thinks I tried to get rid of him or that there was something I had to do with the kids.”

Sam was silent, so Janet changed the direction of the conversation. “Sam, what did you feel when you discovered he had called to ask you on a date?”

“Shock,” she answered immediately.

“Why?”

“Well, for one I didn’t even know he was single!  A man like that? Come on! He had to be married,” Sam said, waving her hand in odd directions then running it through her disheveled hair.  Thinking back now, she never noticed a ring on his finger.  She never even thought to look for one.

“Ok, I give you that.  Was there another reason?” Janet pressed.

She paused, but then revealed: “I didn’t think he had noticed me.”

“But you know you’re a beautiful woman,” Janet said, her words laced with honesty.

Sam looked over, suspicion etched on her features.  “Jan, seriously?”

“Seriously. Sam, we need to keep working on this.”

Sam knew what Janet was referring to.  Her self-esteem issues, mixed with her self-deprecating behavior, made for a depressing cocktail which is why she was here, sprawled on a chaise, talking to her therapist. 

She sighed and revealed her inner thoughts, “I didn’t think a man of his caliber would look twice at a tired mother with two small children.”

“‘A man of his caliber’.  By that do you mean his profession? His physical appearance?  The fact that he is nice?” Janet asked.

“Yes.  All of the above,” Sam hung her head.  “I mean, the note on the prescription alone.  Most men would just forget the whole mess and then avoid the crazy, bereaved mother altogether.”

“But he didn’t,” Janet stated.

“He didn’t,” Sam repeated.

Janet let out a loud breath and puffed out her cheeks. “Sam, do you want to go out with him?”

Sam chewed on her bottom lip and stared into nothing.

“Yes,” she answered after a long silence.

Recognizing what was going on, Janet pushed: “What are you afraid of?”

The list started in her mind and kept growing. “Everything.”

Knowing Janet would push for it, she laid it all out, “What if he’s a player and dates all the single mothers in his practice?” He had to have a lot of offers, with his looks and his profession, _surely_. “What if I fall for him and then it doesn’t work out? Or worse, he dumps me?”

Janet didn’t say a word and Sam continued, “He might not like a woman who goes to sleep at 9 p.m. and whose life mostly revolves around chicken nuggets, Elmo, and potty breaks, and that’s only when I’m not up to my elbows grading physics papers.”  She brought one hand up and rubbed at her eyes.  “What about the girls? What happens to their little hearts if a man comes into our lives and then leaves?” _What’ll happen to me?_   Then, in almost a whisper, she said, “What if he turns out to be like Jonas?”

“Not all men are like Jonas, Sam,” Janet said, staring straight into her eyes.  Sam looked back, but then averted her eyes.

“Okay, you’ve said a lot of what ifs, and I’m in complete agreement with you on all your fears.  But I want you to give me some positive what ifs,” Janet requested.

“Positive what ifs,” Sam repeated, closing her eyes.  Sometimes she hated Janet’s exercises.  _This is why you came here_ , she reminded herself.

“What if he’s wonderful, and I have a nice time, and enjoy a nice evening out,” she said, and opened her eyes to see if Janet approved.  Nodding, Janet asked for another.

“What if we’re very compatible and I end up less lonely and more… happy.” Receiving another nod, Janet asked for one more.

Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, Sam said, “What if he’s everything I’ve been praying for since Jonas died.”

Without opening her eyes, she heard Janet say, “time’s up.”

Bending over to put her notebook on the coffee table, Janet added, “By the way, I happen to know Cassie’s available to babysit Friday night.”


	12. The Call Back

Sam sat on her bed and stared at the phone.  It was 8:15pm.  The girls were in bed, the dishes were done, and all the papers were graded.  _Come on, Sam._

She toed off her shoes and fully sat on the bed, with her legs crisscrossed under her.  Holding the phone with her right hand, and the prescription on the left, Sam dialed the number written there, and hit the green call button on the screen.  It rang twice before he picked up.

“O’Neill.”

She hesitated only for a second. “Hi, this is Sam.”

“Sam?”

“Samantha, um, Hanson.”

“Yeah! Of course, hi,” he answered.

“Mm, look I’m sorry about last night… I never called you back,” Sam apologized, fiddling with the corner of the prescription paper.

“Nah, it’s alright. I’m the one who should apologize.  I caught you off-guard,” Jack explained, sounding resigned and defeated.

“Yeah, I guess you did,” she said, not wanting to lie.

“Listen, Sam… there’s no hard feelings.  I’m sorry to have assumed you’d be interested.  I hope that you’ll still bring the girls in to see me.  They’re great patients.”

Startled, Sam immediately said, “No! No, I’m interested!” Then realizing how desperate she sounded, made a sound against the phone. “Ugh.  Sorry.” She could hear him chuckle on his end of the line.

“Ok, let me start over,” Sam said, “I’m calling you back because I’m free on Friday night.” _There, I said it._

“Excellent!” And she thought he was probably smiling. “That’s great,” he added.

“So, should I meet you somewhere?” She asked cautiously.

“Hum, actually, I could pick you up.  Unless you prefer to just meet me,” he suggested, giving her plenty of options. He could tell she was as nervous as he was about this.

Suddenly, Sam had a thought of the girls still being awake and seeing their pediatrician take their mom out, or of having to introduce him to Cassie, and it was all a bit too much, so she blurted out, “Meet you.  I’d rather meet you somewhere, If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not.” 

They decided on a place and time and she said goodbye.  “I’ll see you Friday, then.”

“Ok, Sam.  I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too,” Sam said, and hung up.

Pulling the phone from her ear and making sure the call was truly disconnected, Sam fell back onto the bed with a loud thud and took a slow, deep breath.  Clutching the phone tightly in her hand, Sam bit the inside of her cheek.  “Nothing to it,” she said to herself.  Bringing her legs up onto the bed and planting her feet on the comforter so that her knees were bent, Sam brought the prescription up to her face and slowly read the note again, though if she were honest with herself, she had the contents memorized.  With her thumb she slowly traced the signature scrawled on the bottom of the page. “Jack O’Neill,” she whispered to herself. 

“Jack,”  she said again, out loud.

Her face slowly contorted into a huge, massive smile and her eyes closed after a hum. 


	13. Thursday

Sam walked into Daniel’s office only to realize there were two students already there talking to him.  “Oh I’m so sorry, Dr. Jackson. I’ll be outside.” She said politely, but Daniel stood and the students followed suit.

“No, its okay, Sam.  We were done here,” Daniel said, gesturing the students towards the door.  “The next time either of you want to play funny with your grades, let me know beforehand so that I don’t actually waste time reading the rubbish you guys call writing,” he spat, and nodded towards the exit.  Catching his meaning, the students scurried out the door, a series of “Yes, Sirs,” being pronounced like Daniel was some kind of General.  Daniel closed the door on them and turned toward Sam, letting out a large breath. 

“Good god, this job sucks.”

“Ouch,” Sam grimaced.

“Yeah, wait ‘till you hear the real story,” Daniel said, grabbing his jacket.  “Those losers didn’t think I read any of the essays on the homework assignments, since I just give them checkmarks on the top of the page.”

“But you do,” Sam looked to him for confirmation and saw him nodding.

They made their way down the hall and out of the building.  “Oh, yeah.  But they figured they’d test out their theory by writing ‘our archaeology professor is a geek’ right in the middle of a sentence.”

Sam stopped and gaped at him. “You’re joking.”

Unlocking his car door for her, he shook his head. “If only.  They also misspelled ‘archeology.’” Sam laughed at that.

They got in and he started the car.  “The other kid wrote, ‘I like hot chicks with my anthropology’ and at the end of his essay, ‘I wonder how hot the chicks really are in Egypt.’”

Sam laughed out loud.  “How stupid!  Were we that senseless when we were young?” Sam asked him.

“I guess,” Daniel replied.

“How did you punish them?” Sam asked.

“Well, I know you would’ve probably flunked ‘em,” he said, knowing Sam, “but you know me, I’m a softie.”

She shook her head. “So you just told them not to do it again.”

Daniel parked his car at the restaurant and they got out.  “Yeah, pretty much.”

sSsSsSsSs

The hole-in-the-wall Mediterranean restaurant was getting more and more popular, and Daniel and Sam were crowded in a tiny table near the front door.  Every time the door opened, the loud bell hanging over the door rung and Sam drew her jacket closer over the chill that came in with new customers.

“So, are you and the girls doing anything over the weekend?” Daniel asked, taking a large bite of his shawarma. 

Sam looked up at him then back at her salad.  “Actually, I have a date.”

Daniel stopped chewing and looked at her until she met his eyes.  “Like, with a man?”  He wiped his mouth on a napkin.

She tipped her head to the side and gave him a look.  “Yes, Daniel with a man,” she huffed.  “It’s not that outrageous that a man would ask me out, is it?” She looked around the restaurant making sure no one could hear her.

Daniel shook his head.  “It’s not outrageous at all that a man would ask you out,” he said.  “I was sure that men asked you out all the time.  It’s just…”  He looked down again and picked his shawarma back up, “I didn’t know you ever said yes.”

She didn’t answer and went back to pushing her salad around with her fork.  After a minute she said, “Janet thinks it’s time.” Then she speared a falafel off her salad and plopped it in her mouth.

Daniel nodded, taking a drink of his iced tea.  “Do _you_ think it’s time?”

 _Do I think it’s time?_  Sam thought, chewing on her falafel.  Daniel was such a good friend, and had seen her at her lowest during her entire relationship with Jonas.  He was the one who convinced her to move back to Colorado Springs, who had arranged a meeting with the Dean of Sciences for her at UCCS; gotten her set up at the new house.  He was the one who had sat at the computer with her, searching through the insurance’s long list of shrinks, combing through the credentials for the best therapist to meet Sam’s needs.  Janet had been a godsend. 

“I don’t know if it’s time or not.  I don’t know if I’m ready or not.  But I do know that I want to go,” she stated.

Daniel wiped his face again and smiled.  “Good.  Then you should go.”

Sam smiled at him.  “I’m going.”

“When?” Daniel asked, smiling back.

“Tomorrow,” Sam stated.

“Tomorrow,” Daniel repeated.  “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had forgotten about this chapter. I love Daniel and Mediterranean food so I had to keep it. I'm editing "The Date" and you'll get it tomorrow. Tomorrow!


	14. The Date

Sam parked her car and flipped down the visor, looking at herself in the mirror one last time.  _Pretty good,_ she thought to herself.  She had tried on almost every outfit in her closet on Wednesday night, trying to decide what to wear.  A skirt?  A dress? She didn’t want to send the wrong signal, but she did want to keep the man interested.  In the end, she settled for her black jeans, which hugged her figure nicely, and her newest red top.  It was long-sleeved and the neckline was a modern rectangle around her collar bone, exposing some flesh but leaving all her cleavage covered.  She wore her black leather jacket over it and her hair and makeup looked like she had made an effort.  Putting the visor back into place and turning the engine off, Sam checked her phone one last time, 7:02pm.  It was time.

Walking up the steps to the restaurant, Sam took calming breaths.  She was incredibly nervous. _Probably because the last man who took me on a date was Jonas._  Walking through the door, she looked around at the lobby.  It was crowded with people waiting, shuffling about and holding onto those flat vibrator things that announced when your table was ready.  She walked up to the hostess stand and was about to ask if a Jack O’Neill was already seated when she felt a hand on her elbow.  Turning, she was face to face with the man himself.  He was wearing dark jeans, a red sweater and black leather jacket.  _Oh, great…. we match._  She smiled lamely at him.

“Hi,” he smiled back, totally unaware of the matching outfits. “Our table is this way.” Meandering through the small crowd in the lobby, and with his hand still on her elbow, he guided her to a table in one of the corners of the restaurant.  “Is this okay?” he asked, showing her the cozy square table.

“Yeah, this is great.  You must’ve gotten here really early to already have a table.” She commented, while he pulled her chair out and went to sit to her right, instead of across from her like most couples usually did on a first date.

“Nah, I made reservations.  This place gets packed on the weekends. Have you ever been here?”  He asked her, scooting his chair closer to the table.  He took off his jacket and threw it on the empty chair next to him.

“No, I don’t get to eat out much, what with the girls and everything,” she stated, awkwardly.  They were sitting pretty close to each other, and Sam could smell his cologne.  She looked at his face and focused on his jaw and the lines created by his smile.  She realized she was more attracted to this man than she had previously thought, and his smell was making her a little dizzy.  She wondered absently what he was thinking.

As she went to steal another glance his way, a waiter showed up asking for their drink orders.

“Guinness, please,” Jack said.

“And you, Ma’am?” asked the waiter, his pencil at the ready.

“Um,” she thought, and Jack interrupted, “Get whatever you’d like, really.”

She looked at him and smiled.  Turning to the waiter she said, “Sangria, please.”

The waiter left and the table fell silent.

“How are the girls doing?” Jack asked, making small talk.

“They’re great, thanks.  If they can just make it through the month without picking up another virus,” Sam said, and they both smiled.  She took her own jacket off, starting to feel hot, and hung it behind her on her chair.

Silence again.  For some reason Sam couldn’t think of any topic of conversation.  And talking about the weather seemed too pathetic, even for her.

“What about you?” Sam asked, “Are things busy at the office?”

“Not really.  Same stuff this week, ear infections, colds, that sort of thing,” he answered and she nodded.  She took the time to watch him again.  He was different than the two men she had seen both at the office and at the gym.  He was well put-together here, clean shaven and crisp.  And he was nervous, like her.  At the office he was focused, a man doing his job.  At the gym he was relaxed, letting the stress of the day ebb from his body.  Here, now, he was fidgety, playing with the menu, then his napkin, then the candle at the table.  _Why would he be nervous?_

The quiet was getting really unbearable now.

“Listen, Sam—”

“I need to—“

They both started at the same time, and both came to an abrupt halt, realizing the other had something important to say.  The date had only gone on for 5 minutes, and it was as uncomfortable as an open-backed hospital gown.  Sam put her elbows on the table and played with her shirt sleeves.

Jack spoke first.  “Go ahead, please.”

“Thanks,” Sam said, “I need to apologize for being so awkward that time you called.  Well, both times on the phone, actually.  And I guess right now too, because this is a bit of a disaster.” She chanced a look in his direction and he was nodding, and chuckling.  She let out the breath she was holding and put her hands back down.

“Yeah, it’s pretty awkward, but I wouldn’t call it a disaster just yet,” he teased looking at her, and she laughed.

Good, they needed to break the tension.  This gave Sam some confidence, and she continued, “It’s just that you didn’t just catch me off guard or call at a bad time or anything.  It’s just that I was in absolute shock that you were calling to ask me out on a date.” 

“Hum, what?” Jack asked tilting his head to the side and furrowing his brows.  “What did you think I would call about?”

Sam looked down embarrassed, “I thought the girls or something, I don’t know.  I just was surprised someone like you would be interested in someone like me.”  Sam said tracing her finger on the table and closing her eyes slightly.  _Wow, Samantha.  You really are terrible at this, really, really ba –_

 “You’re kidding, right?”

Sam looked at him, pressed her lips into a thin line and gently shook her head from side to side.  Her cheeks were red now, and she was so hot she was sure her armpits bore the marks of her humiliation.

“You’ve looked at yourself in a mirror, right?” Jack said, dead serious.

At that, Sam spoke up, “I’m not, um…” She cleared her throat, “I didn’t say that to fish for compliments. I just haven’t been on a date in a long time, and I know you probably do this all the time, but I don’t, and it’s probably why I’m being so…”  She had to pause and clear her throat, “so damn awkward.  I promise I’m usually a normal person,” she rambled on but was saved by the waiter delivering their drinks.

“Can I start you off with an appetizer?” The young waiter asked.

Jack looked at her and asked, “Do you like calamari?”

“I love it!” she said.

“Bring us the fried calamari, please,” Jack asked the waiter, and he ran off.  Sam reached for her drink, but just played with the water droplets on the side of the glass.

Jack was starting to understand this woman more.  Three-year-old twins and a social life as dead as her husband; no wonder her self-esteem was dead too.  Picking up where they left off, Jack told her, “I know you’re a normal person.  I’ve seen you as a normal person, at my office, with the twins.  I didn’t just ask you out because you’re beautiful.”

Stunned, Sam whipped her head up to look at him, but his eyes were so intense she had to look back down, staring at her drink instead.  _Did he just call me beautiful?_   Feeling the heat at her cheeks, she picked up her glass and took a long drink from the straw.  It was delicious and the alcohol traveled nicely down her throat.

“I might have seen you being normal at the gym too,” Jack confessed.

“What!” Sam said, looking back at him with a shy smile. “You’ve been stalking me at the gym?”

“Only a little,” he smirked. “Hey, It’s not my fault your favorite spot to stand during your class is by the clear glass wall!”

She laughed at that, then, tried to defend herself, “It’s the only spot at the back of the class!  That way I don’t mess anybody up if I make a wrong move.”

“Oh, come on! You could practically teach the class!” he said, encouragingly.

“How closely exactly, have you been watching me, _Doctor_?” Sam half-joked.

“Don’t worry,” Jack assured her, “I’m usually there way before most people wake up.  I’ve only seen you a couple of times.”

Sam took another drink. “I’ve actually seen you there too,” she confessed. “You’ve always got your side kick with you, the Wall-of-Muscle-Guy.”

“Ah, yeah.  That’s ‘T’, he’s my personal trainer.  Well, he was just my personal trainer when I met him 4 years ago.  Now he’s a pretty good friend.”  Jack said taking a swig of his beer.

The calamari arrived and Sam helped herself.  She had to keep herself from moaning after her first bite.  God, she missed eating good food like this.  “This is delicious, wow,” she said to Jack.

They ordered their meal and Sam wasn’t shy about it.  Jack ordered a steak, rare, and loaded baked potato.  Sam opted for chicken and pasta smothered in wine and butter sauce and covered in mushrooms.  The waiter left and a group of college-aged kids walked by, headed to a table down the other end of the restaurant.  One of the kids turned at Sam’s table and stopped.  “Hey, Dr. Hanson!” the kid said with a bob of his head.

Startled, Sam looked up, but recognizing one of her pet students, she smiled.  “Hey, Peter, nice to see you.”

“Right on,” said the kid with a weird pump of his fist.  “Well, have a nice dinner!”  And then he was gone, following his friends down the restaurant isle.

Looking back over, Jack’s face was a mixture of surprise and confusion. “ _Doctor_ Hanson?” he asked.

When she just smiled in reply, her mouth full of squid, he asked again, “It’s _Doctor_ Hanson?”

“Yep,” she ate another calamari.

Jack was just gawking at her.  “What kind of doctor are you?”

“Ph.D.,” she clarified, and the confusion from his face receded just a little.

“In what field?” he asked, his eyebrows still queried.

“Theoretical Astrophysics,” she said.  “That was my pet student from my Electrodynamics class.”

“Electrodynamics?” he parroted.

“I teach at the University of Colorado,” Sam felt the need to add.

“The one in Colorado Springs,” he confirmed, making sure she wasn’t commuting to and from Boulder.

“Yep, though I sometimes drive to Boulder for a lecture or two,” she said nonchalantly, putting another calamari in her mouth and taking the fork back out slowly, causing Jack’s mouth to fall open slightly.

He sat stunned for a moment, wondering about the attractive woman in front of him: _mother, genius, and apparently really likes calamari_.

“So, you’re a genius,” he stated.

“Hey!” She feigned offense, “you’re a pediatrician!”

“Not the same,” he said, shaking his head with a smirk, throwing the last calamari in his mouth. “I don’t even know what ‘theoretical astrophysics’ is.”

“Maybe not, but you can’t make it through med school and residency on a D average.  You’re smart too,” she stated, satisfied.  Then she added, “It’s not like I lied about it.  You’re the one that called me Mrs. Hanson, I just never corrected you.”

“Yeah, about that.  I’m sorry again about what happened at the office.  I’m not sure what the situation, um, is, but I should never—“

“You already apologized for that,” she interrupted him, “In the prescription.”

“Yeah,” he said, taking a swig of his beer.  Then he tilted his head towards her, “Can I ask about that?”

She looked unsure but said, “Okay.”

“How long has it been since he, um—“

“Two years,” she said quickly.  “The twins were 12 months old.”

“Wow,” he said, genuinely surprised.  “That must have been hard on you.”

Her expression changed and she blurted out, “Can we not?”

Then, seeing his face become apologetic, she added, “I’m sorry.  It’s just… not ‘first date’ conversation.”

The waiter chose that moment to bring out their plates.  He was quick about it, a hurried, “Enjoy” before turning on his heels and leaving again.

“First date, huh?” he said.  “So does that mean there’s gonna be a second date?”

She looked from him to the food and back again.

“Probably.  Especially if this is any indication of how well you’ll feed me.”

He laughed out loud and she smiled like she hadn’t smiled in a long time.


	15. Kindness

Sam stuck the plates from breakfast in the dishwasher and went to pour herself another cup of coffee.  The girls were in the living room, watching Saturday morning cartoons.  Their living room had a small square children’s table in the corner of the room and the girls used it for snacks, projects and tea parties.  They sat now at opposite’s sides, crayons to coloring books, pausing occasionally to watch the television.

Sam came into the room with her cup and sat on the couch, her feet tucked under herself.  She allowed herself the luxury of remembering last night.  After the initial awkwardness was broken, they had fallen into a comfortable pattern of conversation that she found easy and entertaining.  He spoke about why he had wanted to be a pediatrician, always having loved kids; she tried to explain astrophysics, and discovered he wasn’t as clueless as he let on.  And there was definite chemistry between them.  The attraction was clearly mutual, and anytime their hands accidently touched on the table, the electricity startled them both. 

Sam let out a long sigh and sipped her coffee.  He had paid for dinner and walked her to her car, and she was surprised when he didn’t make a snide remark about her driving a big SUV.  Later she had seen him drive off in a huge 4x4 green truck, so it was just as well.  He had told her he enjoyed the evening, and she had mumbled something about thanking him for the meal and the conversation and then suddenly she was in his arms, in a hug.  She remembered being overwhelmed by the scent of pure man.  _Was it his aftershave or just him?_   She had hugged him back, glad of the contact, unsure if she should say anything else.  And then he pulled back, gave her a brief kiss on her cheek, mumbled that he would be in touch, and then left.  Had it even been a kiss or just a brush of his lips against her skin?  Regardless, the effect was significant, because here she was, the morning after, sitting on the couch thinking about the ephemeral kiss with longing.

The sound of the doorbell chiming pulled her out of her wanderings.  Peeking out through the window, she saw a van parked out front and a teenage boy at her front door, a box at his hand.  _Delivery boy._  Not worried about her disheveled and still in pajama appearance, she opened the door just a tad, and peeked out. “Yes?”

“Delivery for a Samantha Hanson?” The boy asked shyly.

“That’s me,” she said, opening the door enough to be handed the box. Looking back towards the car, the boy quickly called out, already halfway to the delivery van, “Don’t worry, the guy already tipped me.”

“What guy?” Sam yelled out to him.

The boy stopped, turned around and shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, some old guy.  Paid extra to have it delivered before 9 am.”  And then he was gone, tires screeching down the street.

Going inside, Sam closed the door with her foot and the girls were inside waiting to see who was at the door.

“What is that, Mommy?”  Asked Emma, overly excited, her sister close at her heels.

“I’m not sure girls, you wanna see?” Sam walked back into the living room, the girls following behind, and they all sat on the couch, the box perched on Sam’s legs.  She took the card off the top of the box, the logo for a local bakery etched on the envelope.  Opening the box, the three of them gasped at once.

Inside were twelve cupcakes, beautifully decorated.  Taking out a pamphlet-looking paper that was tucked into the corner, Sam showed the girls the picture and description of each cupcake.  Apparently, it was a sample of the bakery’s many cupcake flavors, the icing and sprinkles and embellishments making the girls squeal with delight.  Sam laughed out loud.

“Thank you for buying us cupcakes, Mommy!” Sophie said, giving Sam a sloppy kiss on the cheeks.  Sam realized the girls didn’t have any reason to believe they were a gift from someone else, since they had never received an at-home delivery before.  Emma gave Sam a huge hug and asked if they could eat one.

“Yes, of course you can eat one, but I’m not the one who bought them.  Let’s read the card.”  She said, pulling out the envelope that had fallen to her lap while the girls decided which cupcake to eat first.

Pulling out the note and unfolding it, she found, in a now familiar handwriting:

 

_Sam,_

_I wanted to send you flowers, but after discovering your love of food, I thought this was more appropriate. I hope the girls enjoy it too._

_It was a great first date. Is it too soon to schedule the second?_

_Jack_

“Oh, boy,” Sam said out loud, but as she said it her stomach fluttered and her mouth turned upward and as Emma caught her grinning like an idiot, she blurted out, “It’s from Dr. O’Neill.”

Much later, when the girls were napping and Sam was indulging in her second cupcake of the day, she texted him for the first time.

_“The cupcakes were a big hit. Thank you.  How does Friday night sound?”_

It didn’t take long for her phone to beep, signaling the incoming message:

_“Sounds perfect. I’ll call you this week with plans.”_


	16. Honesty and Affection

Jack drove up to the house and parked in the driveway.  An old black Honda civic was parked in front of the house by the mailbox, and Jack assumed that was the babysitter.  The house was a nice one story with a two car garage and a tiny front porch.  There was a two person swing on the porch to the left of the door, and a dead plant to the right of it.

Getting his phone out, he texted Sam, “I’m here.  Parked in the driveway.  Take your time.”

They had talked on the phone during the week, and it was a lot less awkward.  He had asked if this time he could pick her up.  When she hesitated, he asked her if she was nervous about the girls seeing him take her out.  He understood that the girls were very young, and that she might worry about introducing a man into their lives.  Sighing, she admitted that she thought it was too soon for the girls to see her with a man whom they clearly already attributed to a different aspect of their lives.  When he suggested picking her up without coming to the door, she agreed immediately.

Without delay, he saw her come out the door and turn around to lock it. _Wow_.  She was in a dress.  It was black and came to just above her knees and hugged her figure beautifully.  She turned and walked towards the car, and with a few swift motions she was sitting next to him in the passenger seat. 

“Hi,” she said. “Thank you for picking me up.”

“You’re welcome,” He answered. “You look beautiful.”

She immediately blushed and ducked her head.  “Thanks.  You look nice too.”  She looked up at him.  “Shall we?”

Putting the car into gear, Jack made his way to the restaurant. 

“Do you like steak?” Jack asked in the car.

“Of course I like steak.  Who doesn’t like steak?”  Sam said with a smile.

“I don’t know.  Some women eat like little birds.  I was pleasantly surprised last week you didn’t order a salad as your main course,” he said in jest, making a turn with the wheel.

She made a sound of acknowledgement but didn’t say anything. 

“I didn’t mean to offend you by that,” Jack said nervously.

“No, of course not.  I’m…” Sam cleared her throat, “I like everything, really.  And I don’t take the girls out to eat much, so an evening where I get to order good food and take my time eating it… well, it’s a nice change,” she said, her hand on her thigh and her eyes on the man next to her.

“I bet.  Well, I happen to think steak is a food group all on its own,” Jack said.

“Ah, nice.  So where are we going?”  Sam asked.

“There’s this Brazilian steakhouse I love.  I don’t go there often, but it’s excellent.  Have you ever been to one?”  Jack asked, stealing a look at her from the road.

“Is it one of those that they bring the skewers of beef to your table?” Sam asked, raising her eyebrows.  She had heard about the exact place in town, knew the food was excellent, and had been told exactly how pricey it was.

“Yep.  They keep ‘em coming till you eat your weight in grilled meat.  It’s amazing!”  Jack said.

“I’ve never been.  My friend Daniel raves about it though.  Says it’s very cultural,” Sam said eyeing her dress again.  “Maybe you should’ve warned me.”

“Why’s that?”  Jack asked.

“I should’ve worn something that stretches,” Sam said with a smirk.  “I mean, if I’m about to eat my weight in grilled meat and all.”

He laughed.  “You’ll love it.”

The restaurant was indeed full of culture.  There was a 3 person band in the center playing bossa nova music and the room was surrounded by murals of Brazil’s scenic beauty.  Although Sam noticed a sign at the foyer that said, “No Reservations Please,” Jack had arrived, given his name and been ushered straight through to the dining room.  Their table was small and intimate, near the wall but with a clear view of the band.  Sam wondered how often Jack took women on dates; he had the restaurant staff at two different places at his fingertips.  They sat and ordered their drinks.  Jack again asked for Guinness, and in the absence of Sam’s go-to sangria, was convinced to try a native favorite, Caipirinha. 

“Whoa,” Sam took a sip of her drink, “That’s very strong!” she said, mixing the lime with her straw.

Jack laughed.  “Yeah.  Go easy on that.  I think it’s brandy and sugar.  It’ll go straight to your head.”

“Seriously!  No wonder it’s so good,” she said, taking another small sip.  “Do you want to try it?”               She said tipping the glass his way.

Timidly, Jack reached for the glass, “Sure.”  He took a sip.  She was half expecting him to avoid the small straw she had drunk out of and use the rim, but he had put his lips around the straw, and Sam was mesmerized by the act, the intimacy of sharing her drink with this near stranger. 

The moment was broken by the first of the waiters who showed up.  Seeing a green coin by each of their plates, he started carving slices of meat for them tableside.  Sam was amazed as they continued to show up, skewers of every cut of grilled beef she could imagine, until her plate was full and Jack told her to turn her coin to the red side, “They’ll stop coming when they see red.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”  She laughed, staring at her huge mountain of meat.

“Are you kidding?” Jack said on a grin. “Your face when they show up is priceless!” 

She ducked her head and smiled, starting to cut and arrange her plate.                                 

“So, it’s our second date,” Jack said.

“Mmhum,” Sam mumbled, chewing.

“I was thinking about it, how um, how to get to know each other better,” he paused and saw Sam looking at him expectantly, “And I think we should ask some truth questions.”

Sam looked dubious, “Truth questions? Like truth or dare?”

He grimaced.   “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so juvenile.  And no, not like truth or dare, more like 20 questions.”

“Like 20 questions about the other person,” Sam stated.

“Yeah!  But you have to answer truthfully, whether the answer pains you or not.  You game?”

Sam looked around the restaurant for a moment, mentally deciding if she wanted to do this or not.  She was glad he had been thinking about this.  She wanted so much to get to know him better, but the conversation was still shy and shallow.  “Do I get to ask questions too?”

“Yeah, we can take turns.” Jack answered.

“Sure, but I reserve the right to 3 passes.”  Sam said, sipping her drink again.

“Three passes! Come on, just one!” Jack said with a quirk of his lips.

“Two and you’ve got a deal.”

“Ok,” Jack said, nodding his head.

“Ok, shoot,” Sam said, putting more meat into her mouth.

“Right,” Jack sucked in a breath.  “Is this the first date you’ve been on since your husband died?”

“No,” she said immediately and he nodded.  Then she added, “This is my second.  The first one was last Friday.”

Jack looked over to see her smiling widely.  “Touché,” Jack said, reaching for the plate of fried bananas sitting on their table.  Sam smiled triumphantly, while Jack decided he really did love her smile.

“My turn,” she said, putting her fork down.

“Ok.”

“How old are you?” Sam asked, even toned.

“Wow. Coming right out with it, aren’t we?” he said, and she laughed.  “40,” he answered.  “How old are you?”

“34,” she answered. And they both took another drink.

“Ok, so 40.  Have you ever been married?” Sam asked, hesitant.

“Yes. Divorced,” Jack answered, and watched her expression change.  This is what dates were for, he reminded himself, getting to know a person.

“My turn again.  How long were you married?” Jack asked her.

That question seemed to throw her off. “Hum, almost two years,” she said.  “Same question.”

“Seven years,” he said.

“Seven years,” she repeated blinking.  “So you have children?”

“Pass,” he said without thinking.

“Pass?” she questioned him, her eyes huge.  “I’m dating you and I don’t get to know if you have children?” she said incredulously.

He seemed to realize what he had said and apologized, “I’m sorry. Of course you do.” Then he added, “No children.”

He let out a breath and she did the same and they both chewed on some more grilled protein.

“How did your husband die?” Jack tried.

“Pass,” Sam said, resigned.

“Yeah, this game has lost its cool, hasn’t it?” Jack said immediately, his face scrunched up in a grimace.

“Yes,” Sam replied on a long breath.  Then she added, “Well, it has merit, but perhaps if we wait until the alcohol kicks in to ask the tough questions?”

He looked at her, really looked at her.  Looking down at her plate, her blond bangs fell onto her face and she flicked her head to the left, trying to move them off her eyes without using her hands.  Her face was beautiful in the dim restaurant lighting, her skin soft looking, her lip makeup making her lips shimmer with the lone candle on their table.  She was strikingly beautiful.  He wondered if she had any idea how much he thought so.

They ate their meal, and surprisingly the conversation flowed more easily.  Sam seemed less inhibited by her initial uncertainty with the situation.  She had gone on the first date with such caution, deciding to take a chance and see if the man was either crazy or a complete loser, hiding behind his handsome doctor persona.  He turned out to be neither.  After the first date she already knew that he was charming, well mannered, intelligent, and the more she spent time with him the more she realized that she wasn’t the only one who noticed his good looks.  Women around the restaurant turned their heads and checked him out, less noticeably than if a man had done it, but Sam could tell.  Knowing she had nothing to lose, Sam plunged head first into more dangerous territory:

“How often do you do this?” she asked him.

“This?” he asked, genuinely clueless about her meaning.

“Date.  Take women out,” she clarified.

“Oh,” he looked away and pressed his lips together.  “I haven’t in a long time.”

“A long time… like a few months?” she tested.

“A long time as in a couple of years,” he answered honestly, “maybe three.”

“Oh,” Sam answered, looking shocked.

“Why?” he asked, but she was silent for a long time.

“So what’s wrong with you?” Sam broke the silence, dead serious.

“Pardon me?” he asked, his eyebrows shooting up. 

“I mean, you have to have some monumental flaw,” he looked at her with a confused, hurt expression, but she continued, “At first I thought, well maybe he’s conceited, or an ass, or boring beyond belief,” she got out before he interrupted, coughing on his beer.

“Well, am I?” he said, but she continued on as if he hadn’t spoken.

“Or he’s on the rebound from a long-term girlfriend and needs to make her jealous, or maybe he’s a Casanova on the hunt for the woman of the month.”  She finished and he looked a bit wounded.

“Are you done?  You haven’t mentioned con artist.  I could be after your money,” he said, dripping bitterness.

As if noticing his expression for the first time, and thinking about her rant, she said, “I’m sorry.  That sounded horrible.” Then she added, “And I don’t have any money.”

“Yeah, what’s your point?” he said, losing patience.

“My point is there has to be something wrong with you.” At that he took his napkin off his lap and put in on the table.  Unfazed by his defeated face, she looked him straight in the eye and continued, “Because you are none of those things.  You are the epitome of a gentlemen, charming beyond belief, good at conversation, pleasant to be around, and half of the women in this restaurant have already checked you out,” she said looking around, “at least twice.”

“I don’t care about the other women in this restaurant,” he said, serious, his napkin going back onto his lap.

“See, _that’s_ my point,” she explained, like it was some physics equation. “Any woman in here would have you in a heartbeat.  I mean, a good looking, unattached doctor?  You could have your pick right now.  Why are you interested in a woman with two small children, a mediocre part-time job, and bags under her eyes?”

Jack was silent for a long time, trying to understand this woman he was with.  Looking at her, he tried to remind himself why he was here, in this expensive restaurant, with this beautiful woman, who didn’t have a clue about her true worth.  _Because you want her._   Yes, he knew.  And it wasn’t just that he wanted her in his bed.  He wanted her sipping coffee at his breakfast table, and surfing channels on his couch, and dear god, he even wanted to be the one to tuck those little girls into their little beds.  He sighed.  _You’re pathetic, Jack._

“I don’t really know what you want me to say,” He began, “and if you want to be done with this I’ll take you home and stop bothering you.  But I’m here with you right now because I want to be, because I chose to be.”  He was looking right at her, into her blue eyes.

“I know I could have other women,” he continued, feeling unsure for the first time, “there are single mothers that come into the office that you wouldn’t believe the things they say to me in front of their own kids to try to get my attention.” He sighed when she looked victorious, being right. “But you’re the first woman that I’ve looked at in a long time that I thought I could actually enjoy being with.”  Then he added, “Not that the last five minutes hasn’t made me rethink that.”

“I know.”  She let out her breath. “I’m really sorry.  I think this drink did go straight to my head.”

He didn’t say anything else, but still looked unsure of what to do next.

“I like you,” she said, out of nowhere.  “I like you a lot.”

And at that he sat stunned looking at her.  “Could ’a fooled me with all your ‘deadly flaw’ talk.”

“Sorry,” she said, putting her hand on top of his on the table.  “I’m really, really bad at this.”

“No kidding,” he said honestly.

When she tried to take her hand away after patting his twice, he grabbed at her hand and wouldn’t let it go.  “Truth questions.  Let’s try again.  No passes.”

Looking down at their hands, she nodded, “Okay.”

“Ok,” he said.  “What kind of music do you listen to?”

She looked up at him strangely. “What?”

“I’m easing us in,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, his hand still gripping hers.

Her mouth twitched, and a corner pulled up in a half smile.  “Currently, toddler music,” she said truthfully, “You?”

“Mostly classical,” he answered.  “Your turn.”

“Okay.”  She thought of another easy question to break the tension.  “Where are you from?”

“Minnesota.  Well, I was born in Illinois, but we moved to Minnesota when I was young,” he said.

“How did you end up in Colorado?” she asked.

“Med school,” he said.  “Colorado was the only place I could get a scholarship.  Then I got married, and during my residency decided to stay here,” he said and she nodded.

“It’s your turn now,” Sam told him looking at her drink.

“How did he die?” Jack asked her softly.

She looked back up at him, biting the inside of her cheek before saying meekly, “What else? Car accident.”

His eyes went wide and he nodded, “I’m so sorry.”

“Jack,” she tried the name on her lips.  “Um, he wasn’t… Uh,” she licked her lips and took her hand back into her own lap.  “We weren’t doing well, uh, I mean, our marriage,” she had to stop while clearing her throat; “we weren’t…” she stopped again and looked up at him.  He was watching her, no judgment in his eyes, nothing but understanding and calmness.  She could get lost in his eyes.

 “What?” he urged her on.

“When he died, it was awful, yes,” she paused, then added hesitantly, “but it was also my salvation out of a horrible marriage.”  And after she said it she blew out a large breath, and looked away, her hands fisting at her sides, as if by saying it she had burned herself.

sSsSsSsSs

Pulling the truck back into her driveway, Jack turned the ignition off and looked at her.  She was staring out of the passenger side window, her left hand in her lap, her right elbow resting against the car door with her hand at her mouth, biting at a nail.  He knew she deserved the same token of honesty as she had given him tonight.

“I know what my flaw is,” he said, and she looked at him, her hand falling away from her face.

“I lied at the restaurant,” he said, and she frowned.  “I said I didn’t have any children.”

Her eyebrows rose and she said, “Okay.  You have children?”

“No. Not anymore,” he said, looking at the steering wheel.  “But I did.”

Sam blinked, “I don’t understand.  Did your ex-wife take full custody?”

Shaking his head, he said in a shaky voice, “Charlie and my ex-wife Sara died two years ago,” he paused and heard her gasp.  But he needed to say it all at once.  “I wasn’t there.  She was driving him home after having a late night at her dad’s house, and—”

He was cut off by Sam, who had somehow made it to the middle of the cab in his truck, and was now encircling him in her arms, hugging him tightly.  He heard a faint, “I’m sorry” from her soft voice and could do nothing else except hug her back.

“How old was he?” Jack heard Sam ask.

He cleared his throat and answered, “Five.” He could already hear her gasp again.

“Oh, my god, Jack.”

They were like that for several minutes, him breathing deeply, her rubbing circles on his back with her small palms.  When he pulled back slightly and looked into her face, she said, “I guess we’re both a bit broken, aren’t we?”

Nodding, Jack went to place a soft kiss on her cheek, but at the last minute she moved, and the kiss landed on her lips instead, which was Sam’s intent.  Sam kissed his lips lightly, very lightly, then pulled back and looked at him again.  Seeing affection in his eyes, she leaned back in and kissed him again, with a bit more force, but kept her lips closed against Jack’s slightly open mouth.  Far from passionate, the kiss was all he needed: comfort.

Pulling back completely, she opened the car door and started to scoot her body out of the car.  Jack’s arm pulled out and caught hers before she was out of the car completely.  “Thank you,” he said.

“I’ll see you soon, Jack,” Sam said, and disappeared into her house.

 

 


	17. Communication

It was Monday night at 8 p.m. when the phone rang.  The kids were tucked in bed, and sad as it was, so was Sam.  She had a cup of tea at her bed side and her laptop on her lap.  Righting herself, she immediately reached for her cell phone on the bedside table. _It’s Jack,_ she smiled.

She swiped at the screen and answered, “Hi.”

“Hey,” he spoke.

“How are you?” She said, patting her hair down as if he could see her.

“I’m fine.  Long day today. What about you?” He asked her.

“I’m good too. I don’t work on Mondays so it was just me and the girls today,” she told him.

“That’s nice.  What days do you work?”

“Tuesdays and Thursdays at UCCS.  And I occasionally lecture at the Air Force Academy on Fridays and Saturdays,” she explained.

“On theoretical astrophysics,” he stated.

 “Yes, on theoretical astrophysics.” She giggled, “I’m doing a lecture this Friday on wormhole physics.”

“Wormholes? Really?”

“Yep.  Theoretical, remember?” She said over the phone, taking a sip of her tea.

“I had to take physics in med school,” Jack told her.

“Really?  Well, that doesn’t surprise me.  Did you pass?” She asked with a smile.

“Yes, I passed!  I probably made a C, but I passed.  I only remember fluid dynamics.  That was cool,” Jack said.

“Ah, yeah.  Pressure-volume relationship and closed-circuit resistance is probably useful for understanding the human body,” she said, “besides that, physics conditions the mind towards logical thinking and deduction, something I’m sure you do all the time in your work with sick patients,” she explained.

“You’re so smart,” he said and heard her chuckle on her end of the line.  He could listen to her talk physics all day.  Her voice was soothing to him; he was sure he’d never get tired of it. 

“What are you doing right now?” He changed the subject.

“I’m sitting up in bed with my laptop and a cup of tea, working on said lecture,” she said, “What about you?”

“I’m sitting on the couch with a beer flipping channels and thinking about you,” he said honestly.

She blushed and was glad he couldn’t see her.  “I’ve been thinking about you too,” she admitted. “I think I’ve been nervous you won’t ask me on a third date.”

“That’s crazy talk,” he said and she laughed.  “You’re just sad I didn’t send you cupcakes again.”

She giggled, “Well, now that you mention it…”

“Teal’c says I can’t do the same thing twice.  Some sort of originality nonsense,” he told her.

“Oh, so is he the source of all your romanticism?” Sam asked him.

“No, the cupcakes were my idea, he just warned me not to do it again after the next date,” he told her.

“He’s a trainer!  He just doesn’t want me to get fat!” she suggested humorously.

They both laughed.  “I’m on call at the hospital on Friday night, so we’ll have to skip a week or try Saturday,” he told her.  “Can you find a babysitter for Saturday?”

“I can call and ask,” she said.

“I didn’t know if your parents lived in town and helped you with the kids or if you used a sitter or what,” he stated, and Sam could hear him moving around, the beer bottle being thrown in the trash.

“No, um, my parents are both dead.  My babysitter’s name is Cassie, but I’ve also used a few students I can trust over the years,” Sam revealed, setting her laptop down on the floor and getting more comfortable on the bed.

“Wow.  I’m sorry,” he said, genuine.

“It’s okay.  My mom’s been gone a long time; since I was a teenager.  My dad passed away when I was working on my doctorate, about 5 years ago,” she explained.  “He had cancer.”

He made a sound of understanding but didn’t say anything.

“What?” she asked.

“No, it’s just… I’m starting to understand you more.  Why you’d be shocked someone wants your attention.  Why you blush when I call you beautiful.  Why you are… cautious.  You’ve had a lot of loss in your life,” he said, tentatively.

“So have you,” she responded, and shifted on the bed.  “Besides, I have a really good therapist.” Sam confessed, deadpan.  Realizing what she had just revealed, blood rushed to her face and she was suddenly very hot.  Wanting to shift the conversation away from herself she asked, “So, you work at the hospital as well?”

“Um, yeah.  It’s sort of required with the clinic I’m at now.  We are attached to the hospital in a way, and the five of us doctors, together with others from other practices, take turns being on call in case of any emergencies,” he explained, “and I actually enjoy it a lot.  At first I was weary of having to work after hours, but this way I get to examine newborn babies that are literally minutes old and care for kids that really need help.”

“Wow,” it was her turn to say.  “That does sound cool.”

The conversation flowed comfortably and when Sam looked back toward the clock on her bedside table, more than an hour had passed.  “So, I’ll let you know if I can get a ‘sitter for Saturday,” she told him.

“Ok, that would be great. I hope it works out.”

Sam waited to see if he was going to say anything else.  When he didn’t, she said, “I liked this.”

“What? The phone call?” He asked and heard her sound of confirmation on the other end.  “I liked it too.  Maybe I’ll call you again this week,” he said, “say Wednesday night?”

Smiling, Sam said, “I’d like that, very much.”

“Bye, Sam.”

“Bye, Jack.”

Hanging up the line, Jack stood and made his way to his bedroom, Thor close at his heels.  “This is good.  This is definitely, really good, Buddy,” he said to Thor, and went about his nightly routine. 

Jack couldn’t remember the last time he had held a phone conversation for longer than five minutes.  He couldn’t remember the last time he spent an evening at home that didn’t include complete solitude.  His poker buddies were one thing, but this was a woman.  And not just any woman, she was quickly becoming something more in his mind.  She was shifting from being the mother of his patients; this beautiful female was wrapping herself around Jack in a way he could not comprehend.  Her beauty marred by her shyness, her spark for science clouded by some sort of difficult life story.  He could only imagine what her marriage must’ve been like.  _That man must have been a complete idiot,_ Jack thought to himself.  He was sure that if he ever truly held her heart, he would never let her go.


	18. Sassy and Sweet

The buzzing had come from his nightstand, Jack was sure of it.  Turning over in his sleep, Jack looked at the clock, 10:37 a.m.  “Oy,” he said to himself, running a hand over his face.  Last night had been a long one at the hospital.  Five births and two infants in the ER with high fevers had meant he had only arrived back home at 4:30 a.m.  “I’m getting too old for this,” he said, reaching for his phone to see who had called.  Scrolling down, he saw it was a text from Sam.

_“I’m so sorry but I’m going to have to cancel tonight.”_

Jack’s stomach dropped.  _This doesn’t mean she’s cancelling forever._   He said to himself.  _Does it?_  They had had another pleasant phone conversation on Wednesday night, getting to know each other more and growing in an easy banter back and forth.  He was really starting to get attached to the woman, now why would she cancel?

 _“Ok. No problem. I hope everything is ok,”_ he texted back.  Getting out of bed, he went to the bathroom and used the toilet.  Flushing, he heard the buzzing again.

 _“Yeah, everything is fine.  I’m just feeling a bit under the weather.”_   She had texted.

Concerned, he wrote back immediately, _“With what? Can I help?”_   He was a doctor after all.

He waited a few minutes, but no reply came.  He got up and brushed his teeth, bringing the phone with him.  As he was rinsing the phone buzzed. 

 _“I’m sure it’s just a cold. Thanks for the offer,”_ she wrote.

 _“Ok.  I hope you feel better,”_ he texted, ending their text thread.

A few hours later, Jack had picked up a few things at the grocery store and sat in his truck outside of Sam’s house.  He knew she didn’t want him involved with her daughters yet, and this might be crossing a few lines, but he just felt like he needed to do something nice.  It was past 2 o’clock, and thanks to their weeknight phone conversations he knew the twins napped at this time, so maybe she would be okay with the surprise visit.

 _“Are the twins sleeping?”_ he texted her.

It was several minutes later, but he received a reply. _“Yes, why?”_

 _“I may have brought you some soup,”_ he texted.

Another several minutes. _“Where are you?”_

 _“In my truck in front of your house, but I can leave if you prefer. No hard feelings,”_ he texted, really hoping he wasn’t going backwards on the progress they were making in the relationship.

Less than a minute later he saw the door open and Sam peek out.  She waved her hand at him, gesturing for him to come in.  He hopped out of the car immediately and opened the back door of his cab to get to his things.  Walking up to the door, he noticed she was wearing a heavy maroon robe over what looked like pale blue pajamas.  Her hair was messy and her face blotchy. _Gosh, she really does have a cold._

“Hi,” he said, “I’m sorry to surprise you like this.”

She really didn’t say anything, just hugged the robe tighter around herself and closed the door once he was inside.  He now could notice she was wearing silver house shoes that seemed to shimmer as she walked.  The house looked dark, the venetian blinds closed, and a green square bin holding tiny girl shoes sat tipped over by the wall in the foyer, pink and purple shoes spilling from inside.  When he met her eyes again, she was looking at the flowers in his hands.

“Are those for me?” she asked him in a scratchy voice.

“Yes!” he said.  “And I actually did bring you soup… and chocolate!” He held the bag up and gave her the flowers.

“Thank you,” she said, with little enthusiasm, and shuffled towards what Jack could only guess was her kitchen.

There were dirty dishes in the sink and tissues everywhere. She bent down under the sink and retrieved a glass vase. Filling it halfway with water, she plopped the bouquet of Gerber daisies in it without unwrapping them, and then made her way back out of the kitchen.

Not knowing what else to do, Jack followed her.  She seemed totally out of it.  She made her way towards the living room, and Jack noticed the TV was on, the volume low, and the couch was covered in blankets, a pillow on one side, tissues littered the coffee table and floor near her pillow.  The living room floor was littered with children’s toys, like she hadn’t had the energy to pick up or demand that the twins do so.  She sat on the couch and covered her lower body with the blanket. 

Looking up at him she seemed startled, like she had forgotten he was at her house, and said, “Oh, I’m sorry.”  She made minimal movements with her hands, “This place is a mess.  I meant to tell you that I can’t go out tonight.” She laid her head down on the pillow.  “I was supposed to text you.”

Ok, now Jack really was concerned.  Putting the bag of groceries on the nearest piece of furniture, Jack crouched down next to her. “You did text me,” he said, feeling her forehead.  She was very hot. “Sam, you have a fever,” he told her and she stared at him.

“I have a cold,” she told him, getting further wrapped in the blankets.

“Have you taken any medicine?” e asked her and she nodded, pointing at the bottle of Tylenol on the coffee table.  “When?” he asked

“Right after breakfast.  It says every 4 hours,” she explained to him, blowing her nose on a tissue she pulled out of her robe pocket.

“If you ate breakfast with the girls that was way longer than 4 hours ago,” he said to her but she seemed not to understand him.  “I’m going to get something from my truck, ok?”

He didn’t wait for her to acknowledge his decision, and was quick to retrieve his emergency doctor’s bag.  Coming back towards her he was surprised to see her fast asleep.  Getting out what he needed from his bag, he nudged her.  “Sam,” he spoke softly.  “Sam, I need to take your temperature.” She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

“Are you gonna be my doctor now?” she said, drunk-like, wiping a sleeve over her forehead.

“Is that ok? You don’t look so good.  Put this under your tongue,” he said, sticking the thermometer in her mouth.  While she did that he got his pressure cuff out and took her blood pressure.  The thermometer beeped around her parched lips.

“Sam, you have a fever of 103.7!” He told her, exasperated.

She stared back at him and said, “I never, ever, ever get sick.”  Then started to cough, which really didn’t do much to support her claim.

“Well, you are sick now,” he said, getting his stethoscope out of his bag with a huff.

“Oh!” She said when he tried pulling her into a sitting position, “I’m fine!” But the ‘fine’ ended with a ‘d,’ and again her point was moot.

He snuck the chest piece of the stethoscope down the front of her robe and pressed gently to try and listen.  “Just breathe deeply for me.”

sSsSsSsSs

He was really close to her now and had his hand very close to her chest.  He had asked her to breathe deeply but, really, who could breathe at all when a man this handsome was inches from her?  She tried to be obedient and take a deep breath but ended up hacking and couching instead.  Right in his face.  _Damn._

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking pitiful and feeling worse.

“It’s alright,” he said, his hand landing on her knee and patting it twice.  Sam shuddered.  What was this man doing to her?  “Your cough sounds wet and I think some of it has settled in the upper part of your lungs.” 

Sam stared at his face.  He had a day’s worth of stubble, like he hadn’t shaved this morning, and she couldn’t help but take a very large swallow.  Maybe the cold was making her salivate more.  _But, oh, if I could just run my hands over that stubble…_

“Can I listen to your back?” He broke her train of thought.

_You can listen to my back all day long._

“Sam?” Jack again.

“Huh?” He sat next to her and pointed to her back. “Oh, okay.” She opened her robe a bit and pulled one arm out slightly so he could pull the robe down on the back and use his chest piece freely.  She heard another “Deep breath please,” and then he pulled the robe back on her with his own hands, in a tender sort of way, and even pulled her robe ties together, before bending towards the coffee table to put his stethoscope back in the bag.  He looked back at her.

“Your chest doesn’t sound good at all, Sam. And I don’t like how high your fever is.”  He took two more Tylenol out of the bottle and handed it to her, then handed her the water bottle he saw on the table.  She took both, suddenly feeling nauseous, all thoughts of his jawline forgotten.

“Ohhhh,” she said, rubbing her face.  “Can I lie down now?”  And before he could answer she did.

She opened her eyes one last time and he was right in front of her, “Which pharmacy do you go to?” He asked her.  Once she answered him, he said, “I’m going to run and get you a prescription.  You just lie down here, ok?”

She nodded and closed her eyes.

sSsSsSsSs

When he arrived back at the house, he knocked, but receiving no answer he let himself in.  It had only taken twenty minutes at the pharmacy.  It turned out that Siler was the pharmacist working today, and he and Jack played poker together once a month with the guys.  Showing off his new broken leg, Siler had gotten Jack what he needed in no time; the guy was always injured.

Stepping up to the couch, he saw Sam asleep.  She had kicked off the covers and was lying on her back, her robe partially opened.   _Her fever must have broken._  Still, she was modestly covered in her blue pajama pants and matching top.  From the entryway he tried calling her name, but she didn’t move.  Coming directly in front of the couch, he touched her shoulder lightly and tried again.  She stirred immediately and opened her eyes.

“Jack?” She asked in a raspy voice, her brows furrowed.

“Yeah, do you remember me being here a while ago?” He asked her.

She put her head back down on the pillow and rubbed her eyes with her hands.  “Was that today?”

He ignored her and spoke, “I brought you a prescription.  It will make the fevers go away.”

“Thanks” she said, trying to sit up but failing.

“Have you eaten anything today?” He asked her, helping her to sit.

“I had toast for breakfast,” she said, rubbing her eyes again.

“Sam, it’s almost 3 in the afternoon!” he looked at her.  When all she did was rest her head on her hand and close her eyes again, he continued, “Okay.  I brought you a low dose Rocephin injection.  It’s a bit painful but it’s the quickest way to get rid of what you have.”

“And what do I have?” She asked, her eyes still closed, her voice flat.

“I think you have a bad upper respiratory infection.  It probably was just a cold, but now it’s worse.  Some bacteria has settled in your—”

“Okay, okay, give me the damn shot!” She interrupted him, pulling the sleeve up on her right arm, trying to give him a good patch of the muscle in her upper arm.

He looked at her arm, then back at her, “Um,” he tried, then his lips thinned into a line.

“Oh, don’t even think you’re gonna get a shot at my ass, mister!” She said, pulling her sleeve back down.

“Your upper hip will do just fine!” He said, laughing slightly.  “You’re quite feisty when you’re sick.” He said, getting the syringe out and prepping it.  “It’s just that the shot is painful, and if I do your arm, then you’re kind of useless there for a few days.”

“And I won’t be useless with a shot at my hip?” She questioned him.  “I’ll have you know my hip—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Miss Sass!” He said, and got the alcohol swab out of its tiny package.

She huffed and turned away from him somewhat, lifting the edge of her shirt up slightly, revealing a pale patch of skin.  Jack’s mouth watered immediately at the sight of her, and he worked to school his features and his reaction.  “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” she said, unsure.

He wiped at the most plump part of the hip she had exposed, though all of what he could see was firm and pale and…oh, my god, was it soft.  He saw goose bumps appear on her skin and wondered what she was thinking.  “Take a deep breath,” he said, and then, “blow it out.” When he heard her blowing out her air, he plunged the needle in her hip and injected the medicine.  She immediately flinched and tensed up.

“Holy Hannah!” She yelled out, moving her hand towards the back of the couch for support.  “Oh, my god!”   
“Yeah, I know,” he said.

“Aoew! That wasn’t painful, it was – oh, god... it was really, really bad.” She swayed a bit.  “What did I ever do to you?” She said. 

“I’m sorry.” He said concerned.  “That spot will be sore for a week, but your infection will go away.  No bronchitis or pneumonia or worse.”

She snorted and then grimaced.  “Well, at least that.” 

She looked at him again and without losing his gaze reached for his hand and said, “Thank you.  For coming here.  For the flowers.  For the soup.  For the shot of death.”

He laughed out loud and she joined him.

Moments later, when the laughing stopped, they both turned their heads to the sound of pitter patter down the hallway.  Two little heads were staring right back at them, a princess crown upon each head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was beta'ed by SAM-JACK ALWAYS.


	19. Cassandra Fraiser

When the girls had come into the living room, Jack had looked at Sam and offered to leave, but she had grabbed his hand, in plain sight of the girls, and asked him to stay.  He had stayed, relieved that he would be able to watch over her a while longer, while at the same time be around her children. 

He heated the soup for Sam, while Emma chatted about her princess dresses and her ability to twirl and bow.  He played along with the girls, letting them use his real Doctor’s kit to give their teddy bears check-ups.  He read them books from a bag Sam totted to and from the local library, and helped them put dresses on all their Barbie dolls. 

Emma had brought out their bin of Barbies and Jack acted shocked that all the dolls were naked.  “We have _got_ to put clothes on these ladies!” He said with a stunned expression.  He had covered his eyes and demanded that clothes be brought out.  The girls giggled and went in search for the correct bin.  Sam had all of their toys organized in clear plastic bins.  When Jack commented on that, Sophie explained that “Mommy says it’s so everything stays together.”  Jack could see the benefit of the system.  “We aren’t allowed to get a new bin out till the old one is put up,” Sophie added with a pout.   

Sam sat quietly on the couch and enjoyed the scene, eating the soup he had brought for her, and feeling warmer by the minute, even as her body was weak and nauseated.  The girls never asked why their doctor was here, in their house, and Sam thought it better that she not bring up an explanation unless the girls asked outright.  There would be time for that, if the relationship went further.  And, boy, did she want it to go further.

Later, he had sent her to take a shower and a nap, and Sam accepted with some reluctance.  It was 5:45 p.m. exactly when Jack heard a faint knock on the door.  Looking between the girls sitting at the kitchen table, he said, “Who could that be?”

Emma shrugged her shoulders and Sophie blurted out with arms held high in excitement, “Maybe it’s more cupcakes!”

Jack laughed.  “You guys stay here; I’ll go check it out.”

Opening the front door he was confronted with a teenage girl, dirty blond hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders, and a confused expression on her face.

“Can I help you?” Jack said.

“You must be mystery-hunk, doctor-man,” the girl spoke, coolly, pushing past him and going straight for the kitchen.

“Okay, that was weird,” Jack said, closing the door and following her.

“Cassie!” The girls both squealed.

“Pizza!” Cassie squealed back.

“Oh, you’re the babysitter!” Jack said, the pieces coming together.

“Yeah, where’s Sam?” Cassie looked around, “Is she still getting ready?”

Jack looked confused.  “Oh.  I think she probably forgot to call you,” he explained, “we had to cancel tonight, she’s very sick.”

“Oh!” Cassie said.  “Well, a head’s up would’ve been nice!”

“I’m sorry she probably forgot.  She’s really quite out of it,” he added.

“Ok, well… I guess I’ll go,” Cassie said awkwardly, never having seen this man here.

“No, wait,” Jack called out, stopping her.  “Maybe you could stay after all.”  She looked back at him expecting an explanation.

“Well, she’s sleeping.  She’s had a high fever and had a really painful shot earlier that might knock her out for several hours.  Could you stay and play with the girls, put them to bed, you know, that sort of thing?”

“The sort of thing I do when I’m babysitting?” Cassie said sarcastically.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Jack said.  “How much does she pay you?” He asked her seriously.

“Ten an hour,” Cassie answered, sitting between the girls and reaching for a slice of pizza.  They both dove into her lap for a hug.

Jack took out his wallet and looked inside.  Taking out a wad of cash, he looked up at the teenage girl, wondering what Sam would think of him making this quick arrangement with her sitter.

“Yeah, she’s not gonna like it if you pay me,” Cassie said, reading his mind.  “Just secretly put the money in her babysitting envelope.  Top drawer on her desk, there,” Cassie suggested, pointing to the small counter-like desk in the corner of the kitchen. 

Jack walked over and tentatively opened the drawer.  Inside were receipts, bank notes, and small business cards, but in a stack towards the left were small cash envelopes, the top one was labeled “Babysitting.”

“It’s probably almost empty, what with all the dates she’s been going on with you.” He heard Cassie say in between huge bites of pizza.  “I used to only get to babysit when she and mom went out.”

He picked up the envelope and looked inside.  Sure enough, there was a 5 dollar bill and three 1 dollar bills.  _Almost empty_ , he said to himself.  With his finger, he leafed through the dozen other envelopes in the drawer, reading some of the headings: “House maintenance,” “Girls Christmas,” and “Clothing.”  The last envelope caught his eye, “Sam’s new laptop.” He suddenly remembered their conversation at the restaurant, him suggesting he could be a con artist, and her jokingly saying she had no money.  He wondered now how she made ends meet, with two small children and only a part-time job.  _Ok, so she struggles,_ Jack concluded, thinking he didn’t know anyone who still used the cash envelope system anymore.  _Or maybe she’s just very diligent and thrifty_.  Debit and credit ruled the day now, right?

Stealing a look at Cassie and seeing she was busy talking to the twins, he looked inside the laptop envelope.  There were 2 one hundred dollar bills and 3 tens.  _It’s gonna take her forever for this._   Putting everything back, he decided not to mess with anything in the drawer.  Pulling out a notepad he saw on the desk, he wrote:

_Sam,_

_Cassie showed up and I asked her to stay and put the girls to bed. I hope you feel better.  I’ll call you tomorrow._

_Jack_

_p.s. I’m leaving you some ‘sitter money._

He put the wad of cash under the note and left it on the desk.  Looking straight at Cassie, he said, “Don’t tell her about the drawer.”

“Yeah, like I’d be stupid enough to do that,” Cassie said on a snort.

Jack looked up at her and smiled.  “I like you.” And saying goodbye to the twins, he left Sam’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. And thanks to SAM-JACK ALWAYS for the beta.


	20. Making out the Future

“So you like him?” Janet asked, turning the page of her notebook and getting more comfortable on the chair.

“Yeah.  A lot,” Sam said, on an exhale.  “It’s nice to have someone to talk to, someone who calls me and texts me and wants to hear about my day.  It’s nice to have someone to think about _during_ the day.”  Sam chewed on her bottom lip.  “So, yes, I like him.”

“Do you love him?” Janet prodded.

Sam tilted her head to the side, “Um, no. I don’t think so.  Not yet.  It’s more like affection.  Caring.  I care about him.  That sounds so ambiguous, but I feel like using the word love, at this point, is wrong.  I mean, we’ve been on six dates and have had dozens of phone conversations, but it’s only been a few months.”

Janet nodded, agreeing.   “Okay. Then describe what feels right.”

Sam started speaking almost immediately, “he feels right. What we’re doing feels right.  Like if he wasn’t there I’d miss him.”

“ _Do_ you miss him?” Janet asked.

“What, like right now?”

“No, not like right now.  I mean when you haven’t talked, when you haven’t seen him, do you think of him? Wish you could see him, miss him?”  Janet explained.

She swallowed but didn’t answer, staring at the bookshelf across the room.

“Tell me,” Janet insisted.

“Yes,” she said meekly.

Janet didn’t miss a beat.  “But there’s more.”

“Yes,” Sam acknowledged.

“When you think about him you don’t just miss him.  There’s more,” Janet clarified.

“Yes,” Sam said.

“And what is it?” Janet asked.

“Sam?”

“I haven’t told him,” Sam said, frustrated.

“You haven’t told him,” Janet repeated.

“No.”

“About Jonas?” Janet asked.

“Yes,” Sam answered.

It was Janet’s turn to exhale loudly.  “Look, if you want to pay me hourly to listen to your yes and no answers, fine, but you have to – “

“I’m afraid once I tell him about Jonas that he won’t want me,” Sam interrupted her.

“Okay. What else?”

“What else what?” Sam said exasperated, turning to face her.

“What else are you afraid of?” Janet braved.

“I just told you! Of telling him!  Of telling him everything!  Of telling him all the gory details of how I became a complete coward under that man.  Of telling him how it really ended.  Of him not wanting me,” Sam said, her voice now very loud.

“Okay,” Janet said calmly.

“Okay!” Sam exclaimed, red faced.

“Sam, calm down,” Janet begged her.

Taking a deep breath and sitting back into the large back of her chair, Sam said, “I know, I’m sorry.”

“This is a big issue.  It’s something we’ve been talking about for 9 months.  But it’s not the end of the world.  You are capable of talking to him.  Of telling him everything.”

Sam sighed.  “Janet, just work your psychologist magic and tell me what to do.”

“I am working my psychologist magic and telling you what to do.  You need to talk.  Communicate.  Open up.” Janet said, waving her arms.  “But only if you feel ready.”

Sam stared at her, unconvinced.  Putting both index fingers on her temple, she closed her eyes. “Please tell me how to do that.”

“Ok.   Let’s take a break,” Janet suggested, snapping her notebook shut.

“Fine,” Sam said, reaching for the water bottle in her purse on the floor.

“What did you do yesterday?”  Janet asked.

Sam sighed.  Why did taking a break not mean anything in Janet’s office?  “I went to work,” She replied curtly, still with a bite to her tone.

“And after work?” Janet asked, unfazed.

“I picked up the girls and went to the gym. Then we had dinner at home and Jack and I went to the movies,” She said, matter-of-fact.

“Oh. What about the girls?” Janet asked.

Sam put the cap back on her water bottle and held it in her hand.  “One of my students came over.  One I trust.  You know I wouldn’t call Cass on a school night,” she said looking up at Janet.

“Yes, I know that. I don’t have a problem with you using other babysitters, even on weekends, you know that.  Now, tell me about your evening.”

“Okay.”  She put the bottle back on the floor and adjusted herself on the chair.  “He had called me the day before asking if I wanted to go to the movies.  I was surprised.”

“Why?”

“Huh? Well, I guess because I haven’t been to the movies in over 3 years and I forgot people my age still went to the movies.  I told him I thought people only went to the movies to make out in the dark,” Sam said, a grin on her face.

“Did you?” Janet asked, with a smirk of her own.

“Did I what?”  Sam asked, confused.

“Make out in the dark?” Janet clarified.

Pursing her lips, Sam answered, “Yes. A little.”

“Okay,” Janet said smiling, “what else happened?”

“We held hands, in the dark, after we were done making out.  Well, that’s not really true.  We _had_ to be done making out because some old lady in the row in front of us kept turning and making reproachful noises.” Sam told her, a twinkle in her eye.

“How did that make you feel?”  Janet asked.

“Being caught by the old lady?”

“No.  Making out. The actual act.  Kissing.  Being held.  How did that make you feel?” Janet asked.

Sam thought for a moment.  “Well, you know…the normal physical stuff. I mean I, uh, I reacted to him.  I liked it.  I wanted him.”

“And what about him?”  Janet asked.

“Oh, he wanted me too,” Sam replied immediately, the tone of her voice telling all.

Janet chuckled.  “Okay.  And how does that make you feel?”

“Pretty good,” Sam said, sporting a huge smile.

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” Janet quipped.

“Oh, shut up,” Sam said, swatting at Janet’s knee.  She was quiet for a moment, thinking back at the way he had held her hand afterwards, stroking hers tenderly, pulling back his heavy hand and then running his fingertips over the skin of her palm and giving her the tantalizing feeling of skin on skin that became almost like agony until he would slide his whole hand down again, and they would be palm to palm for a while, their fingers interdigitated, until he began his assault with his fingertips anew, the whole act incredibly distracting. 

“I have no idea what movie we watched.  His whole presence was intoxicating.  I couldn’t catch my breath through the whole thing.”  She exhaled and looked down.  “Either he’s playing with my feelings or he’s doing a damn good job of making me fall in love with him.”

“Do you think he’s just playing with your feelings?”  Janet asked.

“No. Not at all.  He’s nothing but a gentleman.  Always.  The way he talks to me, always with respect and sincerity.  Opens doors, pays for everything, calls me beautiful.   He’s never once made an aggressive physical move on me.  I was the one who initiated the movie kiss.  I mean, he responded and totally took over but he’s very...” she thought for a moment.  “He’s considerate.”

Janet was quiet for a moment and Sam spoke again, “He’s taking his time with me.  He doesn’t rush things, he doesn’t rush _me_.  He’s interested in me.  Like sometimes, I feel like he’d listen to me talk about astrophysics just to hear my voice.”  She looked down, and took her feet out of her heels, stretching them.  She sighed, “I really like him, Janet.”

“Okay.  Do you think that a person who is ‘considerate’ and has the qualities that you just described would judge you because of your past?”

Sam thought for a moment.  “I don’t know.”

“Sam,” Janet warned, a note of reproach in her voice.

“God, you’re right.  I need to talk to him.” Sam said, putting her hands back up to her temple.

“Yes, you do.”

“Janet, I don’t know how to start that conversation.  I mean, do I just dive into ‘hey, I need to tell you all about Jonas or what?” Sam said, standing up, then sitting right back down having tucked her legs under herself.

“You just tell him, Sam.  I’m not sure how your relationship goes when you two are together.  You can work it into a conversation that is already happening or it is perfectly ok to schedule a time where you two meet to talk about more serious things.  Sometimes you need to let people into your past so that they can be a part of your life in the present.  I think Jack sounds like the kind of guy that would welcome that,” Janet said.

Janet saw Sam close her eyes upon hearing her last remark.  She saw Sam’s stress on her facial features, the worry and fatigue she carried from her role as both mother and father to two active children, her stiff posture wrought from a past filled with pain and loss.  But as she sat and considered Janet’s words, a slight glimmer of hope appeared too, in the way her head tilted slightly to the side, her eyebrows rising in turn, and Janet heard her say, “I really like the idea of him being a part of my future.”

Janet just nodded, not wanting to interrupt anything else that might come out of Sam’s mouth.  But Sam was pensive, her breathing even, and Janet knew she was miles away, exactly where she should be, planning her future.  After about five minutes, Janet said, “Is there anything else today?”

Sam turned towards Janet, startled out of her thoughts, “huh?”

“Sam.  You’ve just crossed a huge line.  As your counselor, I want you to know that whether or not this relationship with Jack pans out, that this experience is good for you.  Living life is good for you.”

Sam snorted. “You figured all that just because a man kissed me at the theater?”

“No.  I figured all that because for the first time in 9 months I’ve heard you talk about a future.  Your future.”

And with that, the clock dinged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I appreciate your feedback. Thanks to SAM-JACK ALWAYS for the beta and the clever chapter title!


	21. Canadian Thanksgiving

He stood at her front door holding a packet of bread in one hand and his car keys in the other.  Jack was nervous as hell.  Not only was he about to meet her best friends, he was getting to spend more quality time with the twins.  While both were exciting, he was definitely falling in love with the girls,  _all_ of the girls.  He didn’t know why that made him nervous, but it did, and he was keenly aware that while his feelings for the beautiful trio would only grow, there were definitely things he still needed to learn about them.  He wasn’t quite sure what to expect from her friends, but she had insisted on inviting Teal’c, so at least he would have him around to witness any catastrophic happenings.  Sam opened the door and let him in. 

“Hey,” she said sweetly, taking the package of rolls from him, “thanks for coming, and for bringing the bread.” She put the bread on the entryway table.

He kissed her cheek.  “No problem.”  He saw how her eyes closed ever so slightly at his touch. “Now tell me, why exactly are we having Thanksgiving dinner in October?” 

Sam laughed and looked up at him, “For Cassie.”  She took the liberty of reaching for his collar and starting to pull his jacket off. “She’s adopted from Toronto.  She was ten when Janet adopted her.”  The jacket came off completely and Sam hung it up in the tiny closet near her front door.

“And she has a thing for Canadian turkey?”  Jack asked jokingly.

Sam laughed again.  “No.  The older she’s gotten the more attitude she gets.  A couple of years ago she thought it was insensitive that we only celebrated American Thanksgiving.  And Janet figures this way we get to eat more pie anyway.”

“Sounds good to me!”  Jack said, smiling at Sam.

She smiled back.  “Are you ready?”  She pointed her thumb towards the rest of the house, and he knew she meant if he was ready to be introduced to more of her life.

“Let’s do it!” He said, grabbing her hand.

sssssssssssssssssssssss

Sam led the way into the kitchen where Janet was whipping potatoes in the electric mixer and Daniel sat on a stool by the island supposedly chopping vegetables for the salad.  They were in some kind of weird discussion about which brand of antihistamine worked best.  When the new pair entered, they both stopped talking and looked up, taking all of Jack O’Neill in.

“Guys, this is Dr. Jack O’Neill.”  Sam said proudly, standing a bit further from him now, and looking at her friends, gaging their reactions.

For some reason they were both silent and Sam looked back at Jack who was silent also. Sam grew more uncomfortable and said, “Jack, this is Dr. Daniel Jackson and Dr. Janet Fraiser.”

Daniel, as always, was the first to snap out of it. “Hi, I’m Daniel,” he said, extending his right hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Jack said sharply, shaking the man’s hand.

“It’s just Janet,” Janet said, wiping her hands on her apron before shaking Jack’s.

“Yeah, hi,” Jack said, “so you’re all doctors!”

“Well, actually, I guess _we’re_ all doctors. You can’t make fun of us ‘cause you’re one too,” Daniel said, ever the diplomat.

“My! Aren’t we an educated bunch!”  Jack said, slapping his hands together nervously.

“Is your friend Murray a doctor too?”  Asked Janet, scraping potatoes off the sides of the bowl.

“No.  He’s a personal trainer.  Works at the gym,” Jack said, hoping they wouldn’t exclude Teal’c from their little Canadian shindig.

“Thank God for that!”  Daniel exclaimed, “We need a normal human being to join our group.”

“Well,” Jack said on a shrug, “I wouldn’t exactly classify T as a _normal_ human being, but you’ll like him, he’s been my best friend for years.”

Suddenly there was a flurry of pink tulle and Jack was overrun by little giggling girls.  “Hi, Dr. Jack!”  Said Emma cheerfully, “Do you want to come to my tea party?”

Sophie jumped up and down causing her tulle skirt to bounce with her, “I made strawberry pie!”

“Strawberry pie! Sophie, how did you know that is my favorite pie?”  Jack said taking one girl in each hand and walking out of the kitchen, headed straight for a very important tea party.

Sam was about to ask what they thought of him when she heard the doorbell again.  “Okay, that’ll be Teal’c.”

“Teal’c?”  Asked Daniel, “I thought you said his name was Murray?”

“Yeah, Teal’c is his last name.  He’s from West Africa.  Something about the Chulakian mountains.  Jack calls him T for short.”  And with that explanation she went for the door.  Returning shortly after, she introduced him, “Guys, this is T!”

 “Daniel Jackson.” Daniel immediately put his hand out and Teal’c shook it.

“How’s it going,” Teal’c greeted him.

“I’m Janet,” she said from near the stove, adding salt and mixing the potatoes. 

Sophie came running into the kitchen frantically looking for Sam.  “Mommy!  Dr. Jack needs to teach you how to make airplanes!  He does it with paper!  Mommy, quick!”  Grabbing Sam’s hand, she dragged her away from the group.

The three of them smiled at the little girl and Daniel wasted no time. “So, Sam just told me.  You are actually from the region of Chulak? Near the mountains?”

Teal’c nodded slightly and put the jar of cranberry sauce on the counter.  “What a rare thing it is for someone to know of the Chulakian mountains.  I have not been there in many years.  I’m very Americanized now, but my roots are indeed from Chulak.”

“That’s amazing!”  Daniel said dropping the knife and forgetting the vegetables.  “I’m an archeologist.  And anthropology kinda comes with the territory.  I’ve studied your culture extensively!  The Greek-like structures of Chulak are baffling to the archaeology world!”

“Ah yeah.  You’re talking about Cronus!”  Teal’c sat on a chair at the kitchen table and seeing a pitcher of what looked like ice tea, poured himself a glass.

“Oh, my god, yes!  Historians have no idea who that is yet mention of him is found in so many of your ruins,” Daniel said, rubbing his jaw.

Janet rolled her eyes, “well, it looks like you just made a new best friend, T.”

Teal’c nodded at Janet, and then looked back at Daniel.

“He was probably Greek.  Legend has it that Cronus enslaved my people by pretending to be a god.  A massive rebellion freed the people from his oppressive rule and now my brethren are free.”  Teal’c explained, taking a large drink and setting the glass down.

Daniel came to the table and had a seat. “Wow.  Sorry, I’m not freaking you out, am I?”

“Nah, Sam warned me about you.”  Teal’c said, with a slight quirk of his lips.

Ssssssssssssssss

The day had gone remarkably well.  The food had been plentiful and delicious; the girls had been sweet and subdued, with so many adults around to entertain them.  Daniel had taken an immediate liking to Teal’c, and the pair talked for most of the evening, while Jack had sat next to Janet during dinner, and the two had conversed amiably about the highs and lows of being a medical professional.  Sam was practically glowing, a picture of contentment, seeing all the pieces of her life mesh together in a lovely holiday scene. 

The kids were now snuggled in bed.  Cassie had eaten her pie and left hours before, claiming that she and Dominique were headed to the movies.  Janet and Daniel were in the living room, putting Sam’s mother’s china back into the china cabinet, and talking softly to each other.  The dining room was adjacent to the kitchen and the pair had a great view through the door into the kitchen where Sam and Jack were washing the last of the dishes in the sink, side by side. 

“Be careful!” Janet said harshly, “If you break any of those Sam will kill me.”

Daniel rolled his eyes, “If _I_ break any of them, she’ll be killing _me,_ not you.”

They both looked back into the kitchen when they heard a giggle.  Jack nudged Sam with his elbow and she nudged him back with her hip.  Daniel and Janet were silent, watching, spying on their friend.  They told themselves they were just making sure she was ok.  There was more talking between the pair and plenty of laugher, until Sam took some soap spuds and plopped them on Jack’s forehead.  The bubbles slid down his face until they were near his mouth and he blew them right onto Sam, who giggled.

“What do you think of him, Janet?” Daniel said, turning his attention back to the china cabinet.

“I like him.  You?” Janet asked.

“Yeah. I do too,” Daniel agreed, “I mean, I just met him, but you gotta notice he’s very interested in Sam.”

“Yeah.  She seems happy.  I think she was really nervous about us meeting him.“ Janet remarked.

Daniel nodded, “well, our approval is important to her.  Sam doesn’t have a huge support system,” he said, “we’re pretty much it.”   

When they turned back to look, Jack’s back was all they could see, except for Sam’s right hand which was encircling his neck.  Her left one could be seen grasping his shoulder, and by the way Jack’s head was tilted downwards and how his arms snaked around her middle, there really was no doubt as to what exactly was happening. 

“Yep, she _definitely_ likes him,” Daniel stated the obvious.

Smiling, Janet nudged him, “come on, let’s go.”  

They left the rest of the fine china sitting on the dining room table, and let the front door close behind them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re interested in the timeline…the first date happened at the end of August.  This chapter occurs in Mid-October, so they’ve been dating for few months now.
> 
> This chapter was beta-ed by SAM-JACK ALWAYS.  Thank you, friend.


	22. All the Hard Stuff

When Sam and Jack had made their way out of the kitchen, both flushed and grinning, the house had been eerily quiet.  Making her rounds around the house, Sam confirmed that her friends had indeed snuck out, probably upon seeing her intimately entwined with Jack.  Sam went to check on the girls, and Jack went into the living area.  Coming back into the living room, she spotted him slumped on the floor, his back supported by the couch.  She smiled and came towards him, sliding down onto the floor next to him, their backs resting on the couch and their shoulders touching.  Jack reached out and took her hand in his.

“I want to talk about the hard stuff,” she broke the silence.

Jack’s head snapped up but he tried to school his expressions and not reveal how utterly happy he was to hear her say that.  He nodded slowly and said, “Okay.”

“I’m not sure where to start,” she said, blowing out her breath.

“That’s ok.  There’s no rush.  I’m not going anywhere,” he said, taking her hand and transferring it to his left one, then using his right one to stroke the back of her hand.

There was a minute of silence, and Jack continued to stroke her hand, while Sam bit her bottom lip.

“The girls were an accident,” she blurted out.

“That’s a place to start,” he said looking at her, “you mean they weren’t planned?”

She let out a half chuckle, then continued, “Yeah, that’s a much better way of putting it, thanks.”

He looked at her and she suddenly decided that the beginning was a good place to start. 

“I met Jonas at the Academy one day.  He was doing something there and I was leaving my interview with the head of the physics department.  I had just finished my doctorate and I wanted to teach.  Well, that’s not really true, I wanted to be near the center of astrophysics research, my true dream was to go all the way up, work for NASA, and go to space, _if_ they ever go back.”

“Wow,” he said, moving a stray hair that had fallen on her face.

“I figured teaching at the Air Force Academy was a good start, would get me connected to the right people.  I already had a name people recognized, so I thought it would work.  Did I ever tell you my dad was a General?” She stated, tilting her head.  “General Carter.”

“No, you didn’t.  And although I would’ve loved to have met him, even the thought of it now sounds intimidating,” Jack said.

“Yeah.  He was a pill.  Very rigid military type.  Mom softened him up, but when she died he was…well, it was an interesting place to grow up,” she said, “I loved him, but we were never that close.”

He kept looking at her, lost in her eyes, and she continued, “NASA was _his_ dream; his dream for me anyway.  I was trying to please him any way I could.”

“And you met Jonas?” He prompted.

“Right,” she sighed, “he was a Captain and anyway, he was doing something there that day, and we bumped into each other in the hallway.  We talked, he took me to lunch that day, and by that evening we were in bed together,” she finished, lowering her head and averting her eyes, clearly embarrassed.

“Sam,” he tried.

“He liked control,” she declared.

“What did you see in him?” Jack asked.

“I don’t know.  I’ve always had a soft spot for the lunatic fringe,” she shrugged.

“Sam – “

“He was charming and handsome, and I was a geek and lonely and had just spent 3 years doing nothing but studying, and researching, and typing, and he – “

“He seduced you,” Jack interrupted.

She looked at him and shook her head.  “No, I’m not innocent, Jack.  I wanted it,” she confessed on a whisper.  “Anyway, I got the job and he got stationed at NORAD and we started dating.  We both worked a lot so there wasn’t a whole lot of getting to know each other.”

He stayed silent and just kept looking at her, nodding, assuring her he was listening.

“We were never really friends. It was, um, it was mostly physical.  We spent most of our time together in bed.” This time she didn’t look down, but looked right at him, her face full of regret and shame.  “I don’t want you to think I’m a slut, but I thought you needed to know-”

“I don’t think that of you,” he corrected her, “I never did.  I don’t now.”

 She closed her eyes and nodded.  And he prompted her, “and you got pregnant.”

“Yes.  About six months after we started, well, um, sleeping together.  I was on birth control, but well, anyway…” She trailed off.

“You still got pregnant.  I see it all the time.  A lot of people conceive while on birth control,” he told her.

“Yeah, I guess.  Jonas wasn’t thrilled; it didn’t really go with his career plan at the time.  But nonetheless he thought it would be better if we got married.  Now that I think of it, I’m sure his mother threatened him,” she explained, deflated.

“Dad was already dead but Mark wanted to kill Jonas, so I agreed to marry him.  I knew it wouldn’t work.  We didn’t really know each other, but I thought I could make it work, I thought I loved him,” she added.

“Who is Mark?”  Jack asked.

“Oh.  He’s my older brother.  He lives in California,” she said, and he nodded, “he has two kids and the girls just love their cousins.  And I actually get along well with my sister-in-law, which is great.  We’re spending Christmas there.”

“That’s nice,” he commented, “tell me more.”

“We got married at the justice of the peace.  I was three months along, but I was starting to show and I didn’t want a big deal.  Mark came down with Karen, his wife.  It was not what I would have thought of my wedding day, but it’s what life handed me at the time.”  Jack nodded, imagining Sam as a pregnant bride, and his mind wandered to her dead mother.

“The marriage was ok at the beginning; he was nice and tried to help with whatever I needed with the pregnancy.  We were both still working so not much had changed, except for the rings.  We still saw little of each other.” She paused and took a deep breath.  “Then I went in for my 20-week ultrasound.”

“And it was twins,” he stated the obvious.

“Yeah.  He had come with me.  It was horrible.  He made the technician get her supervisor because he didn’t believe she was reading the screen correctly.  But you could see it as clear as day.  Two distinct babies, two very loud and very fast heartbeats.  It was a shock for me too, but I was happy.”

Jack touched her cheek tenderly.

“He never wanted them.  He was in complete denial after that.  That’s when things started sliding down the slope.  He made demands on me, wanted me to be a certain way, convinced me to do things he wanted, cut my hair, sell my motorcycle, things like that.  He spent our money recklessly, wouldn’t come home a lot of nights.  He wasn’t even there the day they were born.”

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Jack said tenderly.

“My water broke when I was at home.  I knew the girls were both in the breech position from the previous week’s ultrasound, so I knew I had to get to the hospital right away,”  she exhaled, “I wrapped myself in a towel and called a cab.  They were born an hour later.”

“When he came to the hospital to see them, things changed a bit which was good.  He fell in love with them right away.  You really couldn’t help it.  They were so small, and so beautiful, and so completely dependent on us.  They had dark brown hair when they were born, darker than it is now.  Looked just like Jonas’ hair.” She smiled thinking back to the girls little faces.

“They were in the NICU for 3 days - some glucose nonsense - and Jonas stayed there with them a lot.  I was recovering from the cesarean and I really thought he was going to embrace the family life, that he was going to change.”

“The first four months were a blur.  I never slept.  Jonas helped a bit but he had to work so we could make ends meet.  We had decided, well, he had decided that it would be better if I quit my job and stayed home with the girls for the first year.  Neither of us really wanted any more children so I figured since these two are the only ones I’ll ever have it would be ok to devote a whole year to them while they were young, then I could permanently go back to work.  I was so naïve.  And they were so much work.  Jonas kept spending money.  We fought all the time but he would lie to me and didn’t really come home all that often.  I breastfed them every two hours for the first 6 months because we couldn’t afford formula.”

Jack gaped at her.  “My god, Sam!  The Air Force didn’t help?”

She shrugged, “I don’t really know how much Jonas told people.  I was very sleep-deprived and never left the house.  The girls required constant care, as you know, and I was alone.  I had this other account, with some money dad had left, but I didn’t want to touch it so he wouldn’t find out about it and zero it out.  It wasn’t long after that he was transferred to Buckley Air Force Base and so we moved to Denver.”

“Why didn’t you leave? Why didn’t you go to your brother’s?” Jack asked.

Sam shook her head. “It’s hard to explain what went through my head.  But mostly it was the sense of failure.  Jonas was my one failure.  A bird with a broken wing that couldn’t fly on his own.  He really was sick.  He needed help.  Maybe it was my pride and growing up in my dad’s house, or maybe it was the fact that I didn’t have my Mom to give me advice.  Whatever it was, I felt ashamed, always ashamed that I had let my life get to that point.  That I had gotten pregnant in the first place, that I was allowing a man, a nobody, to control my life.  Janet says people stay in those types of situations because they feel bound.  But I don’t know.  Sometimes I feel like I just gave up.”

“What happened after that?”  Jack asked, his eyes huge.

“At one point Jonas snapped.  I don’t know what broke him but something did.  He had always been very controlling but then all of a sudden one day he decided he was god and everyone should bow to his will.  We argued constantly.  He wanted the girls to be his little princesses and it was just so screwed up.  He would barely let me leave the house.” She paused and looked him straight in the eye.  “He lost it…lost control.  Maybe it was all the black ops before he got assigned to NORAD.  Maybe it was too much sun, who knows?”

“You’re saying the twins set him over the edge?” Jack asked, concern dripping from his voice.

“It wasn’t any one thing.  If it was I could’ve seen it coming and done something about it before…”

“Before what?”  Jack interrupted her.

Sam pursed her lips and looked straight at Jack. “He locked me in the house once, after I had gotten a bit verbal with him, refused to be his ‘goddess.’  We didn’t have a landline and he took my cell phone.  He locked all the doors and took my keys.  I could’ve gotten out through a window if I wanted to, but I was so tired that I didn’t see the point.  He had stocked the fridge and left diapers…He was gone for 2 full days before he came back.”  She watched as Jack placed his hand over his mouth and made himself remain calm at what he was hearing.

“He apologized.  But it was too late.  He wasn’t the same after that,” she looked down and took Jack’s hand in hers, “the night of his accident I had asked him for a divorce.  I made him so angry…”

Jack looked back into Sam’s eyes, sincerity in his words, “I’m so sorry you went through all that.  But, it’s not your fault he died, Sam.”

She bit her lip.  “It is.  He didn’t die that day.”  She watched the stunned expression on Jack’s face and wondered if this was really a good idea after all.  But the things she was beginning to feel for this man trumped anything she had felt for Jonas.  Jack was offering her companionship, not a quick roll in the hay, like Jonas had.  He was investing time and effort into knowing her, learning her, wooing her.  And she wanted him, wanted to know more of him, wanted his mind as much as his body. 

Taking another shuttering breath, she revealed it all, “He was in a coma for 4 months. Tubes and wires everywhere.  Machine breathing for him,” she looked down, “I visited him every day for a few weeks, and then I came when I could.  After 4 months the doctors told me he could eventually come out of it but that there was no knowing how long it would take.  There was also no guarantee he wouldn’t be brain damaged _if_ he awoke.  It was my choice.”  Sam said, “And I pulled the plug.  I told them to end it.  It was my fault.” And even though his death had been a relief, she felt the tears fall down her face.  _No one should have that kind of control over someone else’s life,_ she thought to herself. 

They were both silent for a few minutes, the tears rolling down Sam’s face and landing on her jeans-clad thighs.  “He controlled my life for almost two years, but in the end I was the one who had control over his fate.”  She looked up into his eyes, “I didn’t even hesitate.  I just told them to shut it off. 

At that, Jack wrapped his arms around Sam’s shoulders, pulling her to him.  She went willingly, clutching his sweater and burying her face in the crook of his neck.  He stroked her back and the hair at the nape of her neck.  She tried to take deep breaths to control her emotions, and at each inhale, his scent filled her and she became drunk with his powerful presence. 

“I wanted you to know these things.  I want you to know that.” She paused, and wiped her nose on her sleeve.  Clearing her throat, she pulled back and looked him in the eyes.  “If you still want this relationship; if you still want _me,_ ” She corrected, “I come with all that baggage.”

He slowly lifted his hand and grasped her jaw, cupping it and stroking her cheek with his thumb.  They were looking into each other’s eyes, having a silent conversation, learning each other, adoring each other.  _Yes, I want you.  Yes, I want this._   His eyes drifted from her eyes to her lips, and his thumb did the same, caressing her lips, back and forth, until she parted her mouth, in the slightest, most minute way.  When her eyes slid shut he knew the invitation was clear, and leaned in, capturing her lips with his.  He kissed her slowly, tenderly, drawing back, then coming at her at a different angle, bumping her nose and teasing her lips.  Then, finally, he parted his own lips, and their open mouths met with longing.  Her hands came up to both his cheeks, holding him to her, and she herself deepened the kiss.  Jack’s mind went completely blank at the sensation of her tongue, and he joyfully embraced her fully, plastering her to him and kissing her like she deserved to be kissed, leaving no doubt in her mind whether he still wanted the relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parts of this conversation were adapted from Season 1, Episode 5, “The First Commandment.” In the episode, Jack describes Jonas as a “brain dead sycophant.” I have created him as such.
> 
> A big thanks to SAM-JACK ALWAYS, my beta.


	23. All in, Carter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by SAM-JACK ALWAYS

Their foreheads touching, they panted for breath, her clutching his sweater, him with a death grip on her hair.  They were still on the floor by the couch, but a bit more disheveled, and a lot more tangled.  And when exactly had she ended up in his lap?   Sam pulled back first, and feeling brave enough opened her eyes.  He had a huge grin plastered on his face, and how did his bottom lip get so purple?  _Oh, right._

“Wow,” she said.

“Yeah,” he agreed, running his hand down her hair, “Might be time for me to get off this floor though, I’m not as young as you are,” he said, and she shifted to get off of him.

“Sorry!” She said, getting up and turning around to straighten herself up, giving him a moment to do the same.  “I’m just gonna run to the restroom, I’ll be right back.” She told him. 

He made them both a cup of coffee, then got comfortable on the couch.  He knew he had to stop kissing her tonight.  With everything she had just revealed, he didn’t need to comfort her physically.  The kissing had eased his anger somewhat, and caused his heart to constrict with love for the woman in his arms.  He wanted to comfort her, care for her, protect her.  The brain-dead sycophant Sam had for a husband was indeed the worst kind of creep, locking her up and making her care for two infants singlehandedly, twenty-four hours a day.  He briefly thought that it was a good thing the man was already dead. _Otherwise I might’ve had to kill him._

He realized also Sam’s depth of love for her children.  Even though they were unplanned and conceived out of wedlock, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was over-the-moon in love with them.  She had sacrificed her career, her well-being, and her own sanity for them, and he suddenly loved her even more for it.  He also knew that it was time he was open and honest with her as well.  That he needed to be, no, _wanted_ to be the complete opposite of Jonas.  Samantha deserved every kindness and compassion that he was capable of.

The object of his thoughts walked back in, and he could tell she had washed her face; she was so beautiful.  She sat down next to him and took the cup of coffee he offered. “Wow, thanks.”

“Sam.”

“Yeah?” She answered, pulling her feet up and tucking them under herself.

“Is there anything you want to know about me that you haven’t asked yet?”  He saw her face rise slowly and her eyes met his.

She blinked. “Um-”

“I mean the hard stuff.  Like you just told me.”  He clarified.

“Oh.” She inhaled deeply and looked around.  “Yeah, actually...” Then she paused and scrunched up her face, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Jack said nodding, his expression soft and honest.

“Okay.  Hum, I wondered about, well… before they passed away, you said you were divorced.” He nodded.  “Uh, can you tell me – “

“Why we got divorced?” He interrupted.

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer.” She said, putting her cup down.

“No, I do.  I think it’s a good question.  It’s important for you to know.  I would’ve asked the same thing.”  He assured her. 

She nodded and he began, “Well, let’s see.” He put his cup down too. 

“When we got married, I was still in my residency.  It was really busy, with rounds at the hospital and at varying clinics around town.  My first real job was at a clinic like the one I am at now, just not as nice.  I worked all the time.  I had an idea in my head of the kind of doctor I wanted to be, the kind of life I wanted to have.  So I did everything possible in order to achieve it.”

Sam’s eyes brightened and she got comfortable in her seat, readying herself for his story.

“I worked all the time, all day.  I took every patient I could get, worked weekends at the hospital to gain experience, attended lectures, at-home visits, the whole nine yards.”  He glanced at Sam and saw that she was paying attention to his every word.  “Sara worked as a teacher, and we were so young, both so ambitious… she supported me in everything.  We ate rice and beans during the very beginning, then we got promoted to ground beef or peanut butter!” He joked, and Sam smiled faintly, brushing her hand across his forehead. 

“I got tired of the pay at the clinic and opened my own practice.  We got lucky and found this older doctor who wanted to retire.  He had a great office on a busy street; it needed some work, but it wasn’t a problem for me.  This guy was in his seventies when he retired, and he hadn’t really, um, ‘kept up with the times,’ if you know what I mean.”

Sam nodded that she did.

“So it’s not like he had a booming practice, but there were still hundreds of patients.  I also worked at the hospital after hours and on weekends and the folks I saw there flocked to my practice.” Jack took a break and reached for his cup of coffee, sipping it.  “Pediatrics is great, because babies are always being born.  So anyway, I inherited his patients, updated the place.  By that point we had Charlie.  Starting up was so much work, but it really beat working at that first clinic.  It was like the one I’m at now, where the more experienced, senior-most doctor gets paid a higher cut and I hated it.  Even at the clinic I’m at now, I only get paid a percentage of the total profit.  So I don’t necessarily get paid the total for each of my own patients.”  He explained to her.

Sam shook her head.  “That seems unfair.”

He shrugged, “It is a bit, but at the same time I get some of the other doctor’s cuts too.  Since Dr. Ketter is the doc who’s been at the clinic the longest, and she’s the most experienced _and_ with the most patients, she gets a higher cut.”

“I didn’t know that,” Sam said, sipping her coffee too.

“Yeah.  At my own practice I got it all.  Except for the expense of renting the office space, the office staff and nurse, it all went to me.  The money poured in.  I went from hundreds of patients to thousands.  You know I’m attentive, and, um, word got around town.  I had even more patients after that… had to hire a nurse practitioner to help.  I paid all my student loans. Bought Sara a house, a car, everything.”

Jack pursed his lips and looked down.  “But that’s not what she wanted,” he heard Sam say.

Without looking up, he answered her, “no.”  He took a deep breath.

Sam sat there, waiting for him.  Jack sipped his coffee, and Sam wondered if he was remembering or trying to find the words to express himself.

Finally, he spoke, “I was never home.  Ever.  I missed a lot of Charlie growing up.  I was a great pediatrician who loved everyone’s kids but never saw my own,” Jack said, with his eyes closed and his jaw firm.

“Jack,” Sam said calmly, bringing his eyes open and his attention back to her, “it’s okay.”

“The marriage failing was my fault.  I don’t deny that.  But I loved my son.”

“I know,” Sam said, cupping his cheek with her hand and stroking it gently with her thumb.

“When he was three Sara asked for a divorce.  I was so clueless, I had no idea she was that discontent.  I mean, I knew we weren’t doing _great,_ that I was gone a lot, that I missed a lot.  But I was providing for them.  I told myself that everything I was doing was for them, for _him_.” He took a deep breath and Sam moved her hand back to her lap, giving him space.  “I offered to go to counseling, to cut my hours.  But she had already decided.  She moved out that night.  I had been so busy I never noticed she had been packing for days.”

“Oh, Jack,” Sam said on an exhale.

“It was hard, but I survived.  I still loved her, and of course I missed Charlie.  I, um, I kind of got through it by ignoring it, by keeping myself so busy that I didn’t even have time to be depressed, to miss him, to be angry.  I invested myself even more in my work, more patients, more money, more everything.  A year later she and Charlie moved further away from me, and I saw him only on weekends.  It wasn’t the life I had wanted at all.  On the weekends when I got him I’d be all his, spend time doing things he enjoyed.  He loved animals so we went to the zoo, the museum, I got him Thor as a pet.  When he died, I was teaching him to play softball.  He was a really good pitcher...”

Jack turned his face towards Sam and saw she had her right hand covering her mouth, and tears running down her face, her eyes red.  Seeing her this way did things to him, and he looked away as his eyes watered too.  “I’m glad Sara died with him,” he choked out, “I don’t think a mother should have to go through that.  I think God had mercy on them both.  I know that he’s with her.  She loved him, and I’m glad they were together, that they _are_ together.” Tears were streaking down his face and Sam let a sob accidentally escape.  Jack jerked his head and looked at her and said, “I don’t mean to be so morbid, Sam.  I’m sorry.”

“No!  Jack, I want to hear.  I want you to tell me.” She said, wiping her face, then wiping his.  “How in the world did you get through his death?”

 He cleared his throat and shifted on the couch.  “Not very well,” he said, “not very well at all.  I, um, sold the practice.  This older doctor moved to town, Harry Maybourne was his name.  He was loaded already.  He wanted to move his family here for the skiing, of all things.  Anyway, my practice was perfect for him, full of existing patients and fat on profits.  He paid me an obscene amount of money.  I sold my house and went to live at the cabin.”

Sam had laid her head to the side on the couch cushion, and was watching him intently; he turned slightly and mirrored her actions, putting his head down on the back of the couch and staring straight into her eyes, “I drank myself silly out there.  Lost about 20 pounds, smoked a pack of cigarettes a day, laid out on the dock for hours on end looking up at the sky.  I came pretty close to ending what was left of my pathetic life.”

“Oh, Jack,” Sam said, because she had no other words for him.

“It got pretty bad,” he confessed.

Sam squinted her eyes and licked her lips, “How did you – I mean, when I met you, you were ok.”

“Teal’c,” Jack said, and Sam’s eyebrows shot up, her head coming off the couch.

“Teal’c?”

“He came up to see me.  He knew me well, knew me through the divorce…he stood next to me at Charlie’s funeral.” He ran a hand through his face.  “He found me passed out on the dock, a bottle of scotch floating in the pond.  He stayed a week.  And that’s saying a lot – the guy _hates_ mosquitos _and_ fishing.”

“What happened?  I mean, how did he help?” Sam asked.

“Well,” Jack thought back, “he was just there.  T’s not a man of many words, but he was there.  He got rid of all my booze and then he packed my bags.  He didn’t really say where I was going, he just put me in his car and drove me back here.  I stayed in his apartment a while, and he basically nursed me back to health, for lack of a better description.  The gym’s the first place I started going back to regularly, then I got the job at the hospital as on-call only, and only for weekends.  I eased back into it all, slowly.   I found my house and bought it, and it was Dr. Ketter who invited me to join the clinic.  She liked my work at the hospital, and she didn’t ask why I had spent six months holed up in a cabin in nowhere, Minnesota.  I think seeing patients again is what did it.  The patients brought me back.  They brought me back to living again.”

Sam had tears in her eyes again, “and then you met me.”

He grinned, “yeah, about that.”

“Uh, oh.” Sam giggled.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you since the day you walked in, your notebook of questions in your hand, and Emma and Sophie wrapped around your little finger.” 

“Oh, please, Mister Gorgeous-doctor.  You had me wrapped around _your_ little finger the minute you opened the door.” She smiled.

“Well, you did kinda give me a nice view that one time.”

“What?” Sam laughed, clueless.

“Remember?  I opened the door and the first thing I see is your good-looking backside in the air.” They both laughed and it was good to change the mood a bit, the depth of the conversation had made for a heavy emotional moment, but it was time to move past pain and into light.

“You know you’ve changed, right?” Sam asked, running her fingers through the hairs behind his ears.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re always here for me.  You’re always available to talk on the phone.  You’re the one always making our date plans.” She watched him swallow but didn’t say anything.

Sam spoke again, close to his lips, “You’re a wonderful man, Jack.”  She kissed him lightly, then buried her face in his neck and hugged him.  He hugged her back and she could tell he had understood her meaning, that he knew she did not fear his faults during the divorce, nor his failures as a father.

When they pulled apart, he kissed her on the cheek, “thank you.”

She smiled and heard him say, “Is there anything else?  That you want to know?”

“Hum,” Sam thought for a moment.  “Yes.  Well, not that I want to know but it’s something I want _you_ to know.  It’s stupid, but you know how I am.”

“Sam, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Okay.  Um, I may be younger than you and everything but, I just, uh… hum,” she was frowning and moving her lips but not making sounds.

“Just spit it out,” Jack encouraged her.

She blew out her breath, “I’ve had twins.”

He quirked his eyebrows.  “Yes, I’m aware.”

“No, hum…” She shook her head, “my body looks like I’ve had twins.”

“I beg to differ,” he responded immediately, completely understanding what she was talking about.

“That’s because I’m fully clothed,” she shot back, looking down.

“Sam, look at me.” He waited until he was sure she was looking straight at him, “I think you’re beautiful.  Besides being beautiful, you are extremely hot.  It would be indelicate for me to describe how much I really appreciate your features.  I was married for 7 years and although I would never compare you to Sara, she had a baby too. Her body changed but that had nothing to do with how I responded to her, hum, physically.  If and when our relationship crosses that line, I hope to show you how much I don’t care about stretch marks and scars.”

“You forgot sagging and – “

“I won’t care.  _Believe me_ ,” he emphasized by spreading both his hands in front of him.  “Now, is there anything else besides the fact that you’re crazy?” he joked and she smiled.  _Good._

She looked down, still sporting a smile and thought for a minute.  Her head shot back up.  “Yeah, one more thing.  I don’t want you to get the wrong impression about the girls.  I mean, with everything I just told you, the pregnancy and Jonas, they are still the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  If I had to go through it all again just to get them, I would.”

He nodded, “I know you love them, and I know you would.”  She smiled and he added, “Ok.  I have something else.”

“Ok.”

“I’m in this,” Jack said.

“What?”

“I mean this,” he made a gesture between him and her, “this.  Us.  I’m in.  I mean, I’m glad you told me about your past, I needed to know that, I needed to hear it from you, and I’ll probably need to hear more if you’re willing to talk to me about it.  But even before tonight, I was committed, _am_ committed to this.”

She stared at him and her eyes watered again, but he kept talking.  “I mean, I’m not proposing or anything, I don’t want to scare you off.  Gee, I’m really messing this up.”  She chuckled at him, wiping at her cheeks.  “What I mean is that none of what you told me makes a difference.  It only makes me care for you more.  I mean, what I mean is, I’m not running away from this.  I want this.”

“I want this too. I want you,” she said hoarsely.    

He looked nervous and nodded at her.  Sam cleared her throat and said, “you’re not messing anything up.  We’re not teenagers.  I’m not in this for a fling or a live-in boyfriend.  There are children involved.  We both know what the full-future expectation is if this works out.”

He let out a huge breath. “Oh, thank God.”

She smiled at him.  “What?”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that.  I mean, I know I was divorced and everything, but I’m from the old school.  When I married Sara, I thought it’d be for life.  If this works out I’m going to want you to be mine forever.  Exclusively.  No sharing.  No outs.”

“Sounds permanent,” Sam said with a twinkle in her eye.

“I’m like that,” he said with a cocky grin.

“Well, let’s not jump the gun.  We’ve only known each other three months,” Sam said, trying to ground herself.

“I know.”  He let out a breath.  “I know, Dr. Hanson.”  He cupped her cheek with his hands, but Sam could see his sudden wince.

“Do you, Dr. O’Neill?”

“Uhum,” he thought for a moment, looking into her eyes, “so your maiden name was Carter?” Jack asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” she answered.  _I knew it_ , she thought to herself.  He had immediately regretted calling her by her last name.

“Huh. Carter.”  He tested it again.  “I like it.  Fits you.  More than Hanson anyway.  Rolls off the tongue quite nicely.” 

She giggled at him, “I always liked it myself.”

He grinned, then came even closer.  “Carter?”  He said in between brushes of his lips over hers.

“Hum?”

“I like you,” he whispered.

“I like you too.”


	24. Heat

It happened the Friday after Thanksgiving; the American one, not the Canadian one.  On Thursday, Sam and Jack had attended the holiday meal at Daniel’s house together.  He had purchase an enormous turkey fryer this year, and all the men had huddled around in it in the afternoon, drinking beer and frying the bird.  Teal’c had joined them again, and together with Janet and Cassie, the group made a nice unit.  Sam had kissed Jack goodbye a little after six, bound for her house to bathe and put the kids down, but Jack had stayed at Daniel’s, high on football,  pie, and true male bonding.  After she had left, Jack absently mentioned that next year Sam and he should host Thanksgiving, that way Sam could still be around even after the kids had gone to bed.  He completely missed the knowing looks the other guests gave each other, or the elbow to ribs Janet gave Daniel when he started speaking.  Daniel was on his third beer, and anything could come out of his mouth at that point. 

It was now Friday, and Jack was sprawled on his couch watching the Simpsons Thanksgiving marathon when his doorbell rang.  With a grunt, he got up and made his way to the door, padding his sock-clad feet on the hardwood.  He opened the door, and there, at his front porch, stood Sam wearing a navy blue skirt and a jean jacket and ‘trouble’ written all over her.

“Surprise!” she said, lifting a white bag and showing all her teeth in a beautiful smile.

“Carter!”

“Hi!  Want some Chinese?” she said tilting her head and waving the bag around.

“Yeah!  What are you doing here?  I thought you were going to spend the evening grading papers!”

“Changed my mind.  Can I come in?” She ducked her head and moved the bag to her other hand.

“Of course!  He said opening the door wide, “Girls with a sitter?”

“Yep,” she said walking past him, but he grabbed her arm and she looked up at him.  He leaned in and captured her lips in a very welcoming kiss.  “I’m glad you’re here.”

She smiled, turning and walking towards the kitchen, “I’m glad I’m here too.  Yesterday was fun, but it was a bit of a crowd.  I feel like I barely got to talk to you.”  She turned to face him.  “You hadn’t already made dinner plans, had you?”

“Pizza should be here in 10,” he said, hands in his pockets and his mouth quirked up.

Sam grinned, “You’re kidding!”

“Think I can still call and cancel it?”  Jack said grabbing the bag out of her hand and starting to pull out the cartons.

“Nah.  Leave it.  I like options at dinnertime,” Sam said.

“That’s my girl.”

Sam stopped dead and dropped her smile in mock annoyance, “your girl?”

“Uhum.” Jack nodded his head.  “My girl,” he repeated. 

“I think I’m too old to be anyone’s ‘girl.’” Sam crossed her arms. 

“Well, I think I prefer calling you ‘my girl’ than ‘girlfriend’ or ‘lady-friend’ or –“

“Ok, ok!”  Sam said putting her hands up.

They sat and started on the Chinese.  “So if you’re not my ‘boyfriend,’ then what are you?” Sam asked, slurping a piece of broccoli from her chopstick. 

“ _I_ am definitely too old to be a ‘boyfriend.’” He said, putting the chopsticks down and getting up to retrieve a fork.  It took too long for him to eat with those things. 

“That doesn’t exactly answer my question,” Sam said, raising her eyebrows at him.

Jack finished chewing and licked his lips, “I’m the guy you’re dating!”

“That’s a _boyfriend,_ Jack,” Sam said, tilting her head, “it doesn’t _have_ to be a juvenile term.”

“Sounds like it when you’re 40.” He picked up the carton of Mongolian beef and started eating right out of the box.  “What do you call me?  In your head?”

“In my head?” Sam was looking at him like he was weird.

“Yeah, you know, when you’re thinking about me,” he looked at her and waited.

“Jack.” It was her answer. 

“Huh?”

“Jack.  That’s what I call you in my head:  Jack,” Sam repeated.

“No, that’s not what I mean.  When you think about introducing me to someone, and you play it out in your head, what do you introduce me as?”

Startled by her immediate answer, the one she had in her head, Sam put her chopsticks down and stared at him for a long time.  He seemed oblivious to the effect the question had on her until he looked up and caught her intense gaze.  She broke the eye contact and cleared her throat, “You’re my _boyfriend_ , Jack.  Deal with it.”

He laughed and she threw her napkin at him from across the table, smiling and snapping out of the tense moment.  The doorbell rang, and Jack got up to answer the pizza delivery.   He came back, put the pizza in the oven, and sat on the seat next to Sam, pulling his plate closer to her and ignoring her grin as he started eating again.  As they talked, Jack had his left hand on the tabletop, palm up, and Sam was tracing his skin with her fingers, tickling his palm, drawing patters, and generally driving him crazy.  The conversation came to a comfortable pause and he asked,

“What time do you have Cassie ‘till?”

She paused her tracing for a moment.  “Actually, I have Janet.  Cassie’s sleeping over at friend’s house tonight.”

“That’s nice of her,” Jack said, watching her hand.

“Uhum,” Sam voiced.

“So what time do you have Janet ‘till?”

Sam licked her lips, “Till about ten,” and swallowed, “in the morning.” She was still drawing patters on his hand and looking down at her empty plate.

As soon as the words left her mouth, Jack’s fingers closed around Sam’s wandering fingers and stopped her movements.  She looked up and met his eyes.  They were dark and fierce and Sam knew immediately that he had understood her meaning.  She made use of her time, looking at his whole face, taking in his satisfaction, his arousal, his surprise.

“Are you sure?”  He asked, a huskiness within his voice.

She leaned in towards him, and as her mouth drew closer to his face she nodded, “very sure.”

It was all the confirmation Jack needed.  His mouth crashed on hers, his hands coming up to grasp her face and pulling her whole body towards his.  She responded eagerly, kissing him back, her own hands helping to move her from her chair to his.  They were still in the familiar, the kissing and light touching that had become their only allowed passion over the months they had dated.  But as Sam settled on his lap and sat all the way down on him, their hips meeting for the first time, there was a grunt from him and a sigh from her, and the moment Sam felt his hands on her actual skin, she was sure she had died and gone to heaven.

By some miracle they made it to his bedroom, both panting and red-faced.  Jack separated himself from her and turned towards the bed, starting to pull the covers and top sheet away from the mattress.  Sam toed her shoes off and waited for him.  “I’ve never been in your room before.”  She was looking around, noticing that it fit the man to a T. 

When he turned back towards her, she gasped.  When had he taken his shirt off?  And oh, my god, did Teal’c need a tip for his fine instruction.  Jack was toned and muscled and Sam’s mouth watered.  He approached her and she let out a breath.  “I’m nervous,” she revealed on a half chuckle.

“Yeah,” Jack said, unbuttoning her shirt, “I am too.”

But as he undid her, she undid him too, and they both found that the awkward early moments of their relationship, the calls, the confessions, the conversations, all of the revelations, had led to two people who had become very comfortable with one another.  Jack knew Sam intimately, yet not sexually, and she could say the same of him. 

As Jack laid her back on his bed, Sam felt sure, secure, and safe.  And when they met for the first time, in the most intimate way possible, there was a comfortable feeling of completion, of connection, of love.  The pleasure and satisfaction that overwhelmed them both were a result of the months spent learning each other, hearing each other, giving of each other.  The sex that they shared as lovers was faultless because of the bond they shared as friends.

After, Sam lay on Jack’s mattress staring up at the ceiling, still working on evening out her breathing.  Jack was next to her, propped up on his elbows, drawing circles on her skin. 

“You know this changes things,” he said to her.

Nodding but still looking up at the ceiling, she said, “I know.”  Of course she knew.  That’s why it had taken her months.  That’s why when she finally came to the conclusion that it was time, she had frantically called Janet, needing it to be right then, right now.

“I’m ok with things changing,” Sam said, turning her body towards him.

“I mean, I can’t predict the future or anything,” Jack said, “but I’m pretty sure I’m going to want to do this again.”

She smiled at him.  “Me too. I know it’ll be more complicated, with the girls and everything.  They’re so young.  I don’t want them to see you in my bed.  I think they’d get confused.”

“I agree,” Jack said immediately.  “We’ll figure it out.  Don’t worry.”

“I won’t,” Sam said, snuggling closer to him.

“There’s just one more thing,” Jack said, near her face.

“What’s that?”

He looked into her eyes, “I’m definitely in love with you.”

Sam looked at him, her skin still flushed, and one of the corners of her swollen mouth quirked up into a grin.

“I know that’s horribly cliché.  I mean, we just made love and here I am telling you that for the first time, but I just really feel that –“  

“I love you too.”  Sam cut him off.  “Really.” 

Jack made a noncommittal sound, “I hate clichés”

Sam propped herself up on an elbow, mirroring his form, “I know you didn’t just say it ‘cause we made love.  I could tell… before.  It’s one of the reasons I thought it was time.  I knew you were in love with me.  I knew I was in love with you.”

“I’ve never heard you sound so confident,” Jack said, running his fingers up and down her cheek.

She looked down, “Huh.  Maybe you bring it out of me.”

“Maybe I do.”

Sam looked over him towards his bedside table, searching out his clock.

“What?” Jack asked.

She arched her eyebrows when she saw the time.  “Wow, times flies when you’re, um… you know.”

He laughed.  “You have somewhere you need to be?”

“No!”  Sam said, “it’s just, um,” she licked her lips, “I get really hungry, you know, _after_.”

Jack’s face broke out into a huge smile.  He loved her appetite.  “I happen to have a large peperoni pizza in the oven.”

Sam smiled back, “I know.  How do you feel about crumbs?”

“In the bed?”

She nodded and he shrugged, “we can always change the sheets afterwards.”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the feedback. And a big thanks to my beta, SAM-JACK ALWAYS.


	25. The Best He'd Had in Years

It was Thursday and it had been a hell of a week.  After lunch, Sam would teach the last lecture of the semester and she was relieved.  Next Tuesday, she would do an extensive review for all of her classes, and then the Fall semester would be finally over.  After the allotted number of study days, Sam would give her final exams and then be off for her two-week Christmas break with the girls.  She couldn’t wait.

She also couldn’t wait to see Jack.  She hadn’t seen him since the weekend and she was having a really hard time focusing.  Her memories of their time together assaulted her at the most inopportune times.  She had woken him up sometime that Saturday after five in the morning, and they had made love again, slowly and sweetly, learning each other and devoting attention to each other’s bodies.  They had fallen asleep again, in the early morning, and Sam remembered how Jack had woken her with gentle caresses at 9:40 in the morning.   She hadn’t slept in that late since before her pregnancy, and now, sitting in her office and daydreaming, she recognized that it wasn’t just the exhaustion that had caused her to sleep so soundly or so late.  It had been the man sharing the bed with her that caused the whole room to transform into a safe and comfortable shelter.  He had made her body hum and relax to such a point that she had no other option but to succumb to a deep and restful sleep, both times.  She had jumped out of bed, kissing him and collecting what clothing she could find around the room.  She had rushed back to her house to relieve Janet, whom she found sitting on her couch sporting a huge, knowing grin.

Shaking her head to clear the memories, Sam took a deep breath and looked at the clock, 11:47 a.m.  She had more than an hour until her 1:15 p.m. lecture, the last of the semester.  She pursed her lips and reached inside her purse for her phone.  Getting it out, she quickly composed her message to Jack:

_“Can you escape for lunch?_ “

She waited.  She knew his office scheduled appointments until 11:30 a.m., but that Jack could be stuck there through the lunch hour if they were running behind.  She looked at her office clock again, 11:49 a.m. _Come on, Jack._  

Her phone buzzed.  _YES!_ She swiped at the screen and read the message, “ _I have 2 more appointments.  Don’t you have class at 1?”_

_“1:15,” s_ he texted back and waited.

_Buzz.  “I can be quick.  Where?”_

_“My house.”_ She wrote.  _“I’ll pick up sandwiches.”_  She locked the screen on her phone and immediately stood up to put her jacket on, already on the outside of the door, locking her office.  She made her way quickly to the sub shop, ordered a tuna and a meatball sub, and rushed back to her car.  She checked her phone again.

_“One more.  Be there as fast as I can.”_  He had texted.

SsSsSsSs

Jack had never been so quick to prescribe a remedy in his life.  He examined that last kid in record time and feeling guilty, had even given the concerned dad his cell number in case he had questions later on.  He sped through town making his way to Sam’s house.  He really couldn’t stop thinking about her.  It had been a long week and he couldn’t wait to see her, to tell her again that he loved her, to feel her lips on his.  They had spoken on the phone every day, but he longed to actually touch her.

He parked and made his way to the front door.  He looked down at his watch, 12:32 p.m.  He was posed to knock but she opened the door before he could, and yanked him inside the house.  Jack was barely able to shut the door with his body as she plastered herself against him, kissing him right there against the door.  His arms snaked around her and he laughed through the kiss. 

“Hi,” he mumbled and kissed at the same time.

She pulled back and looked up at him, “hi.”  But she wasn’t giggling.  Or laughing.  Her eyes were dark and fierce and her look dangerous.  Jack swallowed and let his hand trace her jaw.   She closed her eyes and relished his touch, leaning into his hand. 

“I know,” he said, “I’ve miss you too.”

She opened her eyes at the admission, and he kissed her this time, and letting his keys fall to the floor, picked her up in his arms and made his way to her bedroom.  “We have to hurry,” she said, while doing things to his neck that made him wild, “I have to be back in the car by one or I’ll be late.”

He laughed again.  “Yes, ma’am!” 

SsSsSsSs

“Here, don’t forget your sandwich,” he said, handing her the bag through the open window of the car. 

“I won’t have time to eat it,” she said and he placed his head practically inside the car to kiss her one last time.  “Jack! I have to go, it’s 1:05!”

“You’ll get there.  Eat it on the drive.”  He waved as she backed out of the driveway, thinking that she really looked quite disheveled.  He grinned.  He got into his truck, opened his sandwich bag and looked inside.  Pulling out the sandwich, he sat back in his seat and took a bite.  Somehow, this meatball sandwich, though now cold and soggy, tasted like heaven.  It was the best lunch break he’d had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must continue to acknowledge my beta, SAM-JACK ALWAYS!


	26. Christmas at Mark's

Sam had been at Mark’s for three days.  They arrived just shy of Christmas Eve, and the girls had spent every minute playing with their cousins, while Mark spoiled them all to bits.  Her brother had a soft spot for his nieces, and Sam suspected he was trying to make up for their lack of male parental figure.  This morning had been Christmas, and everyone was high on holiday cheer, the kids playing with their new toys, and the adults drinking wine and indulging in Karen’s fine cooking.  The kids were all bathed and tucked into their beds, and Mark, Karen, and Sam sat around the kitchen table, drinking coffee and conversing softly. 

“Ok, Sam, spill,” Mark said, “something’s different. 

Karen, Sam’s sister-in-law, was taking the sticky tags off her new set of everyday china Mark got her for Christmas.  Each new plate in the set came with its own barcode sticker, and she was hard at work removing them.  At Mark’s question, her head snapped up.

“I’m dating someone,” Sam stated, her eyes moving to both people in the room, gaging their reaction.  Mark’s head snapped up from the spot on the tabletop he had been examining, and Karen almost dropped the bowl she was working on.

“What?” They both said.

Sam held her ground and repeated, “I’m dating someone.  For a few months now.”

“Wow,” Karen said looking at Mark for a comment.  Sam imagined there was probably some foot nudging going on under the table.

Mark kept staring at her, his brow furrowed.

“I know.  I’m as surprised as both of you are about it,” Sam said, putting her coffee cup down.

“Who is it?” Karen asked putting the bowl down, and Sam was glad she was here to break to tension Mark was exuding.

“His name is Jack.  Jack O’Neill.  He’s a doctor and he’s really nice,” Sam said, calmly.

“What kind of doctor?” Mark spoke for the first time.  He knew if the man had been a work colleague she would have addressed him as a professor or something.

Sam looked up at him.  “He’s a pediatrician.”

“That’s nice,” Karen tried.

“The _girl’s_ pediatrician?” Mark asked incredulously.

“Yes, Mark.  He’s the girl’s pediatrician,” Sam said, looking down at her coffee.  She heard Mark huff loudly. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” Mark asked.

“I’m telling you about him now, Mark.” Sam said, trying to ignore Mark’s stiff posture.

Mark just sneered at her.

“I know.  It just happened,” Sam said.

“Just happened?”  Mark barked, “how exactly did it just happen?”

“Mark, calm down,” Karen interjected.

Sam let out a breath, “It came out during an appointment, when the girls were sick, that their father was… gone.”

“Dead,” Mark corrected.

“Mark!” Karen yelled.

“It’s ok, Karen,” Sam said looking at her then turning to stare at the tabletop in front of her.  “He had made a comment about the girls’ not sharing germs with Mom and Dad because the girls had Strep, and Emma just blurted out that he was dead.”  Looking up, Sam saw them both listening intently to her.

“He apologized, of course. And two weeks later he called and asked me to dinner.” She paused.  “That was four months ago.”

“Sam,” Mark said, clearly agitated, “What if he dates all the women in his practice until he’s ready for the next one?  Huh?  Did you think about that?”

“Yes, Mark, I did think about that.  I’m not an idiot, you know,” Sam growled back.  Mark just shook his head.

“Look, he’s nice.  Really nice.  And when he asked me, it just felt different.” Sam sighed looking at her now cold coffee, “I thought about it a lot before calling back.  I even talked it over with Janet before I called, Mark, for crying out loud! I felt like I needed to take the chance, to take the risk.”

“And?” Karen prodded.

Sam looked up at her, “And it was a good decision, Karen.  A really good decision.”  Then she looked toward Mark.  “He hasn’t dated anyone in years Mark, he told me.”

“Sure he told you.  And you believed him?” Mark’s eyebrows were harsh and narrowed.

“Why would he lie to me, Mark?” Sam gaped.

“To get you into his bed!” Mark yelled.

“Mark Carter!” Karen yelled louder.

Sam was silent, her eyes closed, composing herself.  But Mark wasn’t done. “Did you?”

“Did I what, Mark?” Sam opened her eyes, now blazing.

“Sleep with him?” Mark asked, seething.

“Oh, my god, Mark… really!” Karen, again.

“Did you!?” Mark insisted.

“What am I, seventeen?  Yes, I’ve slept with him.” Sam yelled out, her face red from both anger and embarrassment, having to reveal something so personal.  Karen put both hands on her own face. 

“Oh, Sam,” Mark said, shaking his head and looking down. 

“It wasn’t like that, Mark.” Sam tried, “It’s only been a few weeks since…that.” Sam said, awkwardly.

Sam chanced a look at Mark and he was unfazed, concern and anger bleeding from his features.  “Why is this bad?  Why don’t you want me to be happy?” Sam asked, saddened by his reaction.  _I knew this was going to be difficult._

Mark schooled his features and tried to calm down.  “I want you to be happy, Sam.  I really do.  But I don’t want to see a repeat of last time,” he said, and she looked up at him shocked.  “The last time this happened, you ended up hurt and pregnant.”  Then he added, “with twins!”

Sam shot up out of her chair, seething with anger, her palms flat on the table and her body leaning towards him.  “Those two kids are the one good thing that came out of Jonas Hanson, Mark.   And I don’t regret them for one minute!” She was out of her spot and to the door in three quick steps. 

At the doorway, she paused.  Turning her face halfway so that she could be heard, she spoke, her voice hard and low, “don’t ever talk about my children that way again.” 

And then she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SAM-JACK ALWAYS for the beta!


	27. Humble Pie

Karen knocked softly on the door and came in.  Sam was sitting on the twin bed looking out into the room, her eyes hard and focused on the window, but Karen could see the streaks of tears and the slight shake of Sam’s hands.  She could not imagine how much Mark’s words had hurt Sam.

Sitting next to her on the bed, Karen reached her right hand, placing it on top of Sam’s clasped ones.  “I’m sorry about Mark,” she said

Sam unclasped her hands and placed Karen’s soft hand in between hers.  “It’s OK, Karen.  My relationship with Mark has always been strained.” Sam tried to explain.

“It’s not your fault, Sam.  He just worries about you,” Karen said.

Sam let go of Karen’s hand and wiped at her tear-stricken face.   “I know.” She forced out, “I just wish his opinion wasn’t so damn important to me.” She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

Karen didn’t say anything.  Looking down again, Sam blurted out, “He thinks I’m nothing but a whore who gets knocked up by the first guy she meets!”

“Sam, no!” Karen said, grabbing a hold of Sam and pulling her into an embrace.  The sob that was caught in Sam’s throat came out, and Sam hugged Karen back fiercely. 

“He feels really bad about what he said.  And he didn’t mean to insult you like that.” Karen said, rubbing Sam’s back.  “You are always telling me how you never had the opportunity to learn how to be a mother from your Mom before she died.  Well, Mark never had the opportunity to learn tact from her, either.  He is hopeless in situations like this.”

“It’s not about tact, Karen.” Sam explained on a hiccup.  “It’s about knowing how to hurt each other.  Mark and I have had years to perfect the art.”

“He’s just trying to love and protect you the only way he knows how.  You know he loves those girls like they were his own kids, right?”

Sam nodded against Karen’s chest and felt her sobbing start to subside.  “Tell me about Jack.”

When Sam could speak, she pulled back and wiped at her face.  “He’s wonderful, Karen.”  She cleared her throat, “He isn’t what Mark thinks.  He’s kind and caring.  He’s a great doctor.  He’s treats me like a queen but at the same time doesn’t try to change who I am or what I like.”  Sam wiped her nose on her sleeve again.  “He seems to genuinely enjoy being around the girls.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s 40.” Sam put both hands on her face and let out a breath, “He was married for many years.  He was divorced four years ago, but two years after that his ex-wife was driving his son home late at night and there was some kind of accident and they both died.”

“Oh, my god, Sam,” Karen exclaimed.

“I know, Karen.” Sam said, “I know.”

“So you’ve been dating four months?  Then it’s serious?”  Karen asked.

“Yes,” Sam replied immediately.  “It’s very serious.”

Sam took a moment to just sit on the bed and think about the four months that had gone by.  In a way they had been the four best months she’s had since Jonas had entered her life.  Jack was becoming everything to her.  He was becoming essential to her wellbeing.  She longed for him, missed him, loved him.

“I’m in love with him.”  She revealed to Karen.

Karen smiled at Sam.  “And he’s in love with you?”

Sam nodded.

“I know Mark has the impression that I’m reckless.  And maybe I was in the past.  But I’ve learned.  I’ve changed.”  Sam sighed and wiped the last of the tears from her face.  “I was very cautious with this one, pathetic even in how guarded I was.  And I think because of his past, he was too.”

Sam got up and went to the dresser in the room and unplugged her phone from the charger.  “We’ve both been very deliberate in this relationship, very open, very honest.”

“That’s probably why it’s worked out so well.”  Karen interjected.

“Yeah, I think that’s part of it.  But I don’t know, Karen.”  Sam made her way back to the bed and sat down next to her sister-in-law.  “We have this chemistry… this thing.  It’s almost like a gravitational force that draws us together.  I feel like we were supposed to meet; like we were meant to fall in love.  Like maybe in another…um… alternate universe, he and I are together.”  She said and Karen narrowed her eyes at Sam.  But Sam was staring straight at the wall, deep in thought.  “I bet him and I are the kind of people that are supposed to get together no matter what reality or timeline we are in.”

“OK, I have no idea what you’re jabbering on about now.  You’ve lost me with your theoretical astrophysics talk again.  Remember, I’m just a housewife.”  Karen said jokingly.

“Karen, don’t belittle yourself.  You are the greatest wife and mother.  But you’re more than that.  Mark is so lucky to have you.”  Sam said, giving her a side hug.  “That dumbass,” she added and they both laughed.

“Thanks, Sam.  I think Janet is rubbing off on you.” 

When they came apart Sam swiped at her cell phone screen and found what she was looking for.  Turning the screen towards Karen, Sam said, “this is my Jack.”  On the screen was a selfie of Sam and Jack, hugging and smiling at the phone cam, caught in what looked like a relaxed and joyful moment.

Karen’s eyebrows rose and she grabbed the phone for a better look, “Hello!” They both giggled.  “What a hunk!”

SsSsSsS

Sam walked into the kitchen where Mark was.  They hadn’t seen each other since the blowout last night, and Sam didn’t know if Mark was going to explode at her again or not.  Karen had stayed and gabbed with Sam until they both hugged and called it a night.  Sam was able to sleep, albeit fitfully, and she squared her shoulders for what could be another confrontation.  She felt like she had to defend her relationship with Jack at all costs, and damn, if she wasn’t a grown woman and this was her life after all!

“Hey,” she said going towards the coffee machine.

“Hey,” Mark replied, letting her pass and stirring sugar into his own cup.

When she was done making her cup, she picked it up, unsure what to do next, but then suddenly Mark was at her side. 

“I’m sorry, Sam,” he said, “I shouldn’t have blown up like that.  I want you to be happy.  I love you and the girls.  I’m sorry.” He finished, and it was all said with such precision, Sam was sure he had rehearsed it a dozen times.

Sam bit her bottom lip and put her cup down.  “Mark –"

Mark cut her off by pulling her into a hug, and Sam lost it, the tears coming to the surface quickly and without warning.  She put her arms around his tall frame and squeezed tight.  He put his face in the crook of her neck and whispered “I’m sorry” again and again.

Sam allowed herself to be held, rocked slightly.  Her head was buried somewhere in Mark’s broad chest and his soothing words washed over her.  This man, her brother, his voice and his smell, the tight way he embraced her was so familiar and so comforting that suddenly she was a child again, being held by her big brother after a fall, or a heartbreak, or a big snowball fight gone wrong.  She could only weep. 

After a moment Sam angled her head towards his ears and said in a weepy voice, “You’re all I have left from Mom and Dad, Mark.”  She felt him hug her tighter, and added, “I still need you to be my big brother, but I need you to trust that I can make good out of my life too.”

“I know,” he said, “I’ll try harder, and I do trust you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, tears coming again.  “I’m a big girl.  I’m all grown up.  I’m trying too.”

“I know,” he said again. 

“You didn’t really think I’d end up an old maid and never talk to a guy again, did you?” She asked, but the question was rhetorical. “Just thank whoever is up there watching out for me that it’s him and not another jackass.”  She said, wiping at her face.

“I know,” Mark said again, “I realize that.  Do I get to meet him?”

“If you promise not to yell at him.” She said, seriously.

“I promise.  And I’m sorry I judged his character.  Karen told me about his wife and kid.”

“I think you’ll really like him.”

“I will.” Mark said, still hugging her.  “I know I will.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story, really.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks to stargate1971, whose comment inspired the chapter title!
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks to SAM-JACK ALWAYS for the lovely beta work.


	28. Where the Love-Light Gleams

She sees his car pull up from her vigil at the window, and darts for the door.  She had been at her spot the moment they walked through the house and she texted him, letting him know they were home, finally, after a week away at Mark’s.  He texted,  _“I’ll be right over,”_ and her vigil had begun.  The girls had been entertained getting reacquainted with their toys, and Sam didn’t think twice about meeting him in the driveway.  He hopped out of his car and they crashed together midway up the drive, hugging tightly, her head buried in his neck.  His hand, the one not holding her upper body tightly, cradled her head and rubbed at her hair.

“I missed you so much,” she confessed on a breathy exhale.

“I know, I missed you more,” Jack said, pulling back and guiding his mouth to hers.  She kissed him back, thoroughly and loudly, and after a moment Jack pulled back slightly.  “We’re giving the neighbors a show.”

She smiled and whispered near his ear, “I really don’t care about my neighbors.”

Jack laughed and hugged her tighter, and hand in hand, they made their way to the door.

“How was it?” Jack asked as they made their way through the porch.

Sam grimaced, “It was…” she shrugged, “I guess it was as I expected.”

“What does that mean?” Jack asked hanging his jacket in the closet.

“Mark was Mark, that’s what I mean,” she hugged him again and said near his chest, “but I told them, and after a bit of tension and usual family drama,” she rubbed her nose against his chest, “well, we’re okay.”

“That’s good,” Jack said, since he didn’t know what else to say.

“Uhum,” she continued her rubbing and light kissing on his chest, “after about three days the girls started asking about you, and I guess it meant something to Mark that the girls like you.”

“Yes, well, speaking of the munchkins, I miss them myself.”

Sam pulled away from him and gave him a peck, leading him into the living room.

“Kiddos!” he yelled, arms outstretched.

“Jack!” they yelled back, bouncing his way and throwing themselves into his arms.  Sam smiled and moved to go around the huddle, but Jack saw her and grabbed her arm as she was passing, pulling her down and throwing her into the middle of the huddle.  The girls squealed and Sam giggled in delight.

After a while, Jack went out to his truck to retrieve the things “Santa” had left at his house during Christmas.  Sam had smiled at him from across the room as he said it, and he just shrugged back.  He came back in the house carrying two huge boxes, stacked on top of each other.  He could barely see in front of him.

“Jack!”  Sam said disapprovingly, “Look at all this!  What did you do?”

“Relax, Carter!  It’s Christmas!” Jack said putting the boxes down.  The girl’s eyes became huge.

“Jack, is that foe us?” Sophie said, still unable to pronounce her R’s . 

“Not all of it, Soph.” Jack said, sorting out the boxes.  “Here, you girls open this big one together.”

Sam retrieved her camera from her purse, then, came to sit on the floor by Jack, a whispered “thank you” to him as she settled her body on the floor.

The girls made short work of the wrapping paper, then, searched the edges of the box for a way to open it. “Here, let me help,” said Jack, tearing the tape and opening the box.

Four little eyes looked inside.  Emma was the first to shriek, starting to bounce up and down.  “Lallawoopsie dolls!” she said animatedly to her Mom.  “Jack gots us lotsa Lallawoopsie dolls!”

Sophie picked one up, claiming her as her favorite, “Oh, look, Mommy!  It’s my favorite friend!”  The little girl hugged the doll, cradling it against her tiny body.  She looked up at Jack, “Thank you for my present!”

She got up and plopped herself down on his lap, starting to show him all the features of her new doll.  Emma had picked one up as well, petting the doll’s hair down.  Sam snapped a few pictures of the girls in their delight, and then put the camera down to look in the box.  “Oh, my god, Jack!”  The box was full of dolls, six in total, and under them a myriad of assorted accessories, doll dresses, shoes, and hair pieces, even tiny little ponies that matched the dolls perfectly.

Seeing Sam’s look of concern, he said, “don’t worry, Sam.  I got it all on ebay.  Some lady was selling her entire collection.  It was a steal.”

“They look brand new!” Sam stated, shocked.

“She probably never touched ‘em.  They’re highly collectable, apparently.”  Jack said, putting the clothing back on the doll.  What was it with little girls and taking all the clothes off their dolls?

She looked at him, amazed, “how did you even know they liked this stuff?”

“What?  Lallaloopsie?” he shrugged, “I know my girls.” He sounded too confident.  “Here,” he said, displacing Sophie back to the floor and bringing out the other large box, “let’s see if I know you as well as I know them.”  Ok, now he was just being cocky.

“This one’s mine?” Sam asked, her eyes wide.

“Yep,” he said, “just yours.  You don’t even have to share.”

She laughed nervously, and began undoing the paper.  When the paper was hallway off, she could already see the brand name on the box, and froze.  She looked up at him for confirmation, “Jack?”

He stared at her eyes and fell in love with her all over again.  He smiled.  He reached for the box and continued undoing the paper where she had stopped, revealing the front to her.  “Brand new – the slim kind.  It’s got a wide screen display, 16 gig of RAM, 8 gig of solid state drive, fourth generation Intel i7 quad something or other, and a butt-load of hard drive space.  Oh, and my favorite feature, it’s got an extended battery for all your late night shenanigans.”  He said nonchalantly, running his pocketknife through the tape and opening the box, “I got it in black… thought the silver was a little, I don’t know, flashy.”

She continued to stare at him, her mouth hanging slightly open, until he stopped pulling out parts from the box and looked at her, “Sam?  You like it, right?”

He was practically lying on the floor at this point, propped up on his elbows.  She reached a hand and pulled him through his collar to herself, kissing him like she had forgotten the children were in the room.  He moaned into her mouth and she just kept going, ravaging him, her hands now holding his head to her, her mouth and tongue thanking him for his thoughtfulness and generosity.

“Sam,” he mumbled, “the kids.”

She pulled back and looked around the room.  Thankfully, the girls were so focused on their new toys, they had not paid the adults any attention.  Sam let out a large breath and pulled back from Jack, helping him to sit up off the floor.  She ran a hand over her mouth to wipe at the slobber.  “How soon do you think we can put them to bed?” she asked, not a hint of humor in her.

But Jack did laugh.  “We can wait.  I want to set it up, get it running.” He started on the box again.

Sam leaned in towards his ear, and whispered something very low, very seductive.  She spoke for a while, and Jack’s eyes were suddenly very big, and his breathing very shallow.  He shot up from the floor and clapped his hands together.  “Ok, girls!  Who’s ready for bath time and books?”

sSsSsSsSs

“Do you think I need a new therapist?” Sam asked, rubbing her nose against Jack’s naked chest.

“Why do you ask that?”

“Hmmm.”

“Because of your friendship?” Jack asked, running his hands down her hair.

“Yes,” Sam replied against his chest.

“Is it starting to make you uncomfortable to tell her details of your personal life because she’s also your friend?”

She propped herself up a bit, and looked him in the eye.  “No.  I think I would tell her anyway.  But I’m wondering about what you think,” she said, “honestly.”

“Well, it was probably not a good idea that you’ve become friends in the first place,” Jack started, “I mean, I know how much she means to you, how she’s helped you, but it’s not entirely appropriate.”

Sam winced, “I know.  And she knows it too.  I can tell she feels guilty any time we hang out outside of the office.  I should never have suggested a night out in the first place.” Sam said and moved the bangs off her face. “But I really needed a friend and honestly she looked about the same.  She said right away that she shouldn’t, but we did and we hit it off right away.”

“Yeah.  I don’t blame you.  Either of you,” Jack said, “It’s a little more complicated than me dating you.  You’re the mother of my patients, so our relationship isn’t exactly kosher either, but she’s you’re therapist. Things are more complicated in the area of mental health, for lack of a better word.  So if you really feel uncomfortable, you should find a new one, but keep Janet as your friend.”

Sam thought for a while, playing with his chest hair.  “When I was in college, I had so many friends.” Jack recognized the nostalgia in her eyes, and he ran his hands down her arms encouragingly, “I mean, it’s the perfect atmosphere.  All these young people thrown together, not knowing a soul… but you’re all the same age and you’re forced into this community, this society of different people.” She breathed in, “it was so refreshing to just meet people and make new friends all the time, to always have plans, to always have someone to talk to.”

“I remember those days,” he said, “you’re right about that.”

“Then you grow up and it’s so hard.  It’s so hard to meet people your age, that are like you, that you even want to befriend.  Janet’s a godsend.  I don’t want to lose her.”

Sam rolled onto her back and pulled the sheets up over her body. “She’s released me from weekly visits.”

“Oh?” That caught Jack’s attention.  When she was silent, he rolled onto his side and looked at her. “Sam?”

“She said she only wants to see me once a month from now on,” she said, biting her lower lip.

He pursed his lips, “Annnd you don’t think you’re ready for that?”

“I don’t know.  She said that our relationship, you and me” – she clarified, “is more healing than any therapy she could practice.  She called you my catalyst.” 

“Your catalyst?” He did an impressive imitation of Teal’c lifting an eyebrow.

She smiled.  “Yeah - for change.  The thing I needed to turn things around.  She keeps telling me that even if things don’t work out with us that I’ll still pull through.”

“So why do you think you need a new therapist?  If she’s going to see you less, anyway.  She might be right, you know, about you pulling through.  She’s wrong about us not working out.”

She smiled at that.  “No, I know.  I know I’m getting better, I feel so much more human than I did a year ago.  I’m just afraid I’ll need to talk to her and…”

“She’ll always be there, Sam.  She’s your friend, too.”

“I know.  It’ll be nice to go in less, anyway, her office isn’t close.” 

She reached under her bed and pulled out a package.  It was a medium-size box, and then a smaller package on top of it, both wrapped in snowman wrapping paper.  “Merry Christmas, Jack,” she said, handing him the packages.

He smiled, surprised, and said, “thanks.”  Pulling the sheets to cover his lower half, he sat up and started on the smaller one.  Sam was still lying down, covered in the sheet and propped up on an elbow.  Jack finished unwrapping the first package, revealing a silver picture-frame.  There was a picture of him and Sam on it, both smiling, the same picture Sam had showed Karen on her phone.

“Wow!  I love it, Sam!  Thank you,” he said, leaning down and kissing her soundly.  Pulling back, he ran his fingers over the picture, “I’m taking this to my desk at work.  It’s perfect,” he said.

“Now open the other one.” She nudged it towards him. 

Jack did as he was told.  It was a shoe box, he could tell from the minute she pulled it out from under the bed.  He opened it up.  They were black, shiny shoes.  “Wow,” he said, trying to sound genuinely excited about receiving work shoes for Christmas.

She shifted on the bed and sat up, the sheets sort of falling down, and Jack grinned a bit at seeing her naked chest again.  “They’re supposed to be really comfortable,” she said, bringing his wavering attention back to the shoes.

He started to examine them more closely, pulling one out.  The outside looked nice, shiny, like a pair of dress shoes, but when he looked at the inside, they were lined and pumped like a pair of sneakers.  He looked at the outside of the box and recognized the brand name.  They specialized in comfortable shoes that could be worn for long hours while not compromising in style.  He had been told to buy some from several sources, but never got around to it.  He knew they were super pricey.

“Sam!  This is wonderful, thank you!”

She smiled, “I know it’s kind of lame, but you needed some.”

“They’re not lame.  I love it.  I love you.”  He said, kissing her and moving the shoe box from his lap.  She kissed him, then laid a line of kisses on his jaw and moved down to his neck. 

“Thank you for my laptop,” she said, “how did you know I wanted one?”

He froze.  “Um.”

She stopped her kissing and looked up at him.  “When did you see them?”

“The envelopes?”  He said and she nodded.  “The day I met Cass.  When you were sick.  She told me to put more money in your babysitting envelope.”

“And then you saw ‘em all,” she finished for him.

“Yeah.  I’m sorry.  I should never listen to that kid.  She’s a teenager after all.”

Sam laughed.  “It’s okay.  I’m not mad.”

“You hadn’t already bought one, had you?” She had resumed her caresses on his chest and that last sentence came out a bit throaty.

“No.  I used the money in that envelope for your gift.”  She smiled up at him.  “I hadn’t expected to have someone to actually shop for this Christmas.  It’s a nice change.”

He traced his finger on her face.  “When do you want to power it up?” He asked.

“After I thank you,” she said, dangerously close to his belly button.

“Again?” he asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Again,” she answered, and he laid his head back in utter delight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your reviews are so encouraging, thank you.
> 
> SAM-JACK ALWAYS dropped everything she was doing to beta this chapter. xoxo


	29. Surprises in Giza

School was back in full swing, and Sam and Jack had gotten back on their date schedule, which lately included a lot more takeout and staying in.  Sam still reserved her Tuesday lunches for Daniel, but every Thursday, unless they were both stuck at work, Sam and Jack had a “lunch” date at her house.  Daniel had quickly learned to stay very far from Sam’s Thursday noon hour; the woman got quite frazzled if she was ever late for that particular appointment.  It was Tuesday, however, and Sam and Daniel were lunching at the sub shop near campus, the placed packed full of young people.

“I mean, the people they had working on this dig were ok, but, they definitely need supervision.  From an expert.  I’m not saying that expert _has_ to be me, but it has to be _somebody_ ,” Daniel said, taking a bite from his turkey on wheat. “The carbon dating came back on some of the items we dug up, and you wouldn’t believe it, Sam!  They date back further than anyone can imagine, certainly before the Egyptian dynasties.  It’s just perfect for my research.”

“Well, I guess you could apply to spend more time there, during your next break.” Sam took a bite of her own sub.

“Yeah.  That’s kind of what I wanted to tell you about,” Daniel said, putting his sandwich down.

Sam stopped chewing and looked up.

“There was this woman…” Daniel said looking down.

Sam smirked.  “A woman, you say?”

Daniel’s cheeks turned slightly pink.  “Yeah, her name is Sharay.”

“Sharay?” Sam tested it out.

“Yep.”  He scratched at his head.  “She’s Egyptian.  Part of the Bedouin group that lived near the dig.”

Sam pursed her lips.  “Love at first sight?”

He met her eyes and nodded.  “I think so.”

Her face lit up, “Daniel! What happened?”

“Well, it was a bit of a cultural misunderstanding.” He pushed his glasses up on his face.

“Oh?”

“Yeah.  Every night I kinda tried to hang out with the locals after we closed up the dig.  A lot of their men where helping with the grunt work, moving the dirt around, that kind of thing.  I’d chat with them, share some food, then I’d go back to my hotel.  Well, on the third night, I thought the locals were offering me a room for the night.  Kasuf, the tribe leader said he had a gift, walked me to this room in their family compound.  So I went in..." 

Her eyebrows rose up.

“It was Sharay’s room.  Well, not really her room per se, but she was in it.”

Sam smiled and her eyes were bright with intrigue.  “Oh, my god!”

“At first I said no, that I wasn’t like that.  But she got this hurt expression, like I was rejecting her, like I didn’t want her.  Well, I did.”

“Did you stay?”

He slowly nodded his head.  “We spent that night together.”

Sam moved her head forward a bit. “And?”

“And every other night too.  ‘Till I had to come home.”

“Wow, Daniel,” Sam said, chewing.  “Must’ve been hard to leave.”

“You have no idea.  According to their customs, I um, I sorta accepted _her_ as a gift.”

She put her fork down.  “What! Like you _sorta_ married her?  How is that possible?” 

He shrugged.  “Different culture.  But here’s the strange thing,” he looked around the sub shop conspiratorially, “I don’t think I’d mind if it was an _actual_ marriage.  I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her.  I’m pretty sure she’s the one.”

“Daniel,” Sam whispered back, “but you’ve only known her, what? Six weeks?”  He had taken off for Egypt in early December, leaving another professor to run his finals through a scantron machine.

Daniel took a long breath.  “Sometimes a day is all it takes when it’s the right person.”

Sam sat back on her chair and stared at Daniel.  He was so sure about this woman, so convinced that she was the love of his life.  “Does she even speak English?”  _Don’t even get me started on the fact that her father offered her as a gift…_

“Nope,” he said ginning, “but she’s so smart.  I already started teaching her.  She’s a fast learner.”

“So what happens now?” Sam asked him, her eyes downturned.

“I don’t know.  But I have to see her.”

“Of course.  Would she be able to come here?”

"Well, it would really be great if I were there, in Egypt.  You know the research for my book would be easier if I actually had access to the pyramids.  And no one here seems to thinks my work is credible anyway.  I might as well work there.  I looked into it, rather briefly, but the Cairo Museum might be a possibility, and the university there could use a new professor of anthropology, which really isn’t my major field of work, but I can definitely teach it.”

“Oh, my god, Daniel.” She said, covering her mouth with her hands.

“I know.  I think Sharay is it, Sam.  I think she’s my, um, my soulmate.”

Sam raised both eyebrows not knowing how to respond.  Daniel was her lifeline, had been with her through her marriage with Jonah, the birth of the twins and Jonas’ death.  He had held her hand, guided her, helped her.  She didn’t think she could bear him leaving.  Her eyes stung and she looked around the room to dispel the emotion.

“Hey, come on, Sam!  Don’t get all weepy.  I’m still here.” Daniel reached for her hand across the table.

“You can’t leave, Daniel,” she said, reaching for his hand, her voice a bit unsteady.  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I think that you will be just fine, Sam.”

She shook her head.  “It sounds like you’ve decided already.”

“I’m going to put my plans into motion in the next months.  Finish the Spring semester and then hope to meet Sharay in Egypt in the early summer.”

She nodded her head, resigned.  “You deserve to be happy.  You deserve every joy this life can give you, Daniel.  I’ll miss you so much.”

“I’m not leaving forever, Sam.  Maybe after a year or so Sharay and I can move back here, once I publish my book.”

She smiled at that.  “I can’t wait to meet her, Daniel.”

“You’ll love her.  Besides, you have Jack now.  And I don’t think he’s going anywhere.”

She ducked her head.  “No.  He’s not.” She smiled.

“So,” he said, pushing his plate out of his way, “Besides having to tell Mark off, did anything else happen during Christmas?”

“Jack bought me a new laptop,” she said, pushing her plate away also. “It’s completely decked out, top of the line everything.  He probably paid more than a couple thousand to get every feature I could possibly –” she stopped and tilted her head at Daniel’s expression.

At seeing her face, Daniel gave up pretense and shrugged.  “Yeah, I helped him get it.”

Sam’s eyes widened.  “Daniel!”

“Hey!  It was all his idea!  He just called and asked me to go to the store with him.  I told him people don’t buy computers at stores anymore – which, by the way, he has no idea how to online shop!”

“Yes he does.”  Sam defended him.  “He bought the twins’ gift on ebay.”

“Ebay?” Daniel looked disgusted.  “That’s so 1997.  Seriously?  Was it used?”

“Daniel!  They were collectible little dolls.  They’re adorable.  He did a great job!” She looked around the sub shop, “people still shop on ebay, Daniel.”

“Oh.  Well, he can’t online shop in the _current_ market _._  As in, the guy adds everything to his cart without knowing if you are actually going to need it.  I thought it’d be the best route, going online, that way we could build the laptop with the specs we wanted, but he totally took over and just went click happy.  Did you notice he bought you a wireless keyboard?”

She giggled.  “Yeah, what was that about?”

“The webpage offered it and he said, ‘in case she’s in the bath or something and wants to type her ideas but doesn’t want to get the laptop too close to the water.’”  He glared at her.

She laughed out loud.  “God, I love him.”  She was grinning like an idiot, “I guess you know about the 12-month membership to the technology help gurus?”

“Ha!  I tried to tell him you’re a technology genius!  That you could take a computer engineer on an arm wrestle.” He waved his arms.

She kept giggling.

“He just said, ‘shut up, Daniel.  She might use it.’”

Sam laughed until she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“You ready to head out?” Daniel said.

“Yeah.”

When they were in the car, Sam spoke again, “Jack asked me about my financial situation.”

“OH?”

“Yeah.  He said if I didn’t want to answer that I didn’t have to, but that he was curious about how I made ends meet.”

“So what did you tell him?”

“The truth.  Well, mostly the truth.  I didn’t tell him about the other account, the trust.”

“Good.  I mean, I’m sure Jack is trustworthy, but nobody needs to know about that unless they’re, you know, a permanent fixture.”

“A permanent fixture?  Daniel, he’s not a chandelier.”

“I know, it’s just an expression”

Sam twisted in her seat at the car, “Anyway, I told him that since Jonas’ death wasn’t service related and wasn’t exactly honorable according to the Air Force, that we did not get awarded the usual death gratuity.”

“And he didn’t ask about that?” Daniel glanced her way.

She shrugged, “I’m sure he thought it was strange, but I don’t think he wanted to bring up any more conversation about Jonas.”

“Ok.”

“I told him I had some money that my dad left me.  That I used it to buy the house and car.  And that I use what’s left to fill in the holes that my salary doesn’t cover.  All of that is truth anyway,” she said, “although I’m not sure he understood that I own the house outright.”

“Is he worried about you?”

She sighed.  “Well, I think he already kind knew the situation.  I mean, I keep things pretty tight.”

“Way tighter than you need to.  But I don’t want to open that can of worms again.  Did he offer to help you out?”

“Not in so many words.  He pays for the sitters now.  Has for a while.  He just keeps leaving envelopes on my desk that say ‘sitter’ on it.”  – Daniel raised his eyebrows. 

“Sam, that’s not bad.  That’s nice.”

“Yeah, Daniel, I know.” Sam said rubbing her eyes, “But I had to tell him to lay off on anything else.  I’ve noticed, um…” she bit her lip, “…sometimes I find money in my purse that I know for a fact is not mine.”

“Did you confront him about that?”

She shook her head.  “The times it’s happened I snuck it back into his house.  There is a very rich flour jar in his pantry that he’ll never find.”  She said, smirking.

Daniel laughed and Sam continued, “I told him that one of the worse things with Jonas was feeling dependent.  I told him that, um,” she swallowed, “the thing about a woman with small children, who also _doesn’t_ work, is the feeling of utter dependency upon the male, the breadwinner, the person who is providing the money that is literally feeding the children.”

She sighed and Daniel nodded, “one of the first things I did after he was in a coma was get a job, you know that.”

“It helped get you moving,” Daniel added.

“Yeah, but it was more than that.  The salary showed me I could still do it on my own.  That I didn’t have to depend on someone. That even I, the mother and primary caregiver could provide for them.  It was a real game-changer.  Our society is very unjust towards mothers.  Like we’re being punished for loving our children and making a choice to child-bear and child-rear.  I know there are families out there that split the responsibilities, that split the work, that don’t require the mother to quit her job to raise the kids.  But I think those people are _real_ families, and those women stay at home because they _desire_ to, out of love.  Not what I had.  Anyway, I’m on a rant now, sorry.”

He smiled.  “You’re afraid that Jack’s help, his gifts, will make you dependent on him?”

She tilted her head and shrugged.  “I know it sounds stupid.  I told him anyway.  I mean, things are tight, yeah, but we live well.  I manage well.”

“I know you do, Sam.  I’m sure Jack knows that and is just trying to be nice.  I mean, he probably misses buying stuff for other people at Christmas.  I bet this is the first nice Christmas he’s had since, well, since his family died.”

She nodded and thought for a moment.  A corner of her mouth lifted in a smirk.  “He said he can’t help it.  That he’s just trying to show love to me.  To provide in any way he can.”

“And I can tell you that as male, who values money, that you should see it as a compliment.  He’s not trying to buy your affection.”

Daniel parked the car and Sam unfastened her seat belt.  “I know, Daniel.  Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.  Come on, back to the masses.”

“Oh, great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SAM-JACK ALWAYS, thanks for the beta work!


	30. Winning

Sam walked into the kitchen with Cassie.  “…and they didn’t nap today so I’d like them to go to sleep pretty early.”

“You’re lucky they still nap at all, Sam,” Jack said from across the kitchen, sitting at the kitchen table.

They both made their way to him.  “Hey, I’m ready,” Sam told him, going around the table to pick up her purse.  “We’re just going to dinner, Cass.  We should be back in a couple of hours.”

“No problem.  You two have fun,” Cassie said, and left the kitchen to go play with her charges.

Sam picked up her purse and slipped her phone into the outside pocket, making sure she had some lipstick in there as well, and turned towards the table.  Jack was sitting at the kitchen table, a pair of kitchen shears in one hand, and a piece of plastic in the other.  It was one of those lines of plastic rings that were all connected and held Sam’s sodas in a pack, all together.  She had just bought another eight-pack of diet soda today, and left it sitting on the counter.  Jack must’ve seen it when he arrived, and put the sodas in the fridge for her.

“Jack, what are you doing?” she asked, leaning her body against the wall near the garage door.

Jack looked up startled, like he had forgotten she was there waiting for him.  “Cutting the plastic,” he answered.

She watched him as he snapped the scissors through the perfect rings of plastic.  “Why?”

“Hum?  Just because,” he said, moving quickly to finish.

“Jack.”

“Hu?” he looked up at her, innocently.

“ _Why_ are you cutting the plastic?”

He shrugged.  “That way no animals get stuck in it.  You know, if it ends up in the ocean or something.  You know?”

She grinned a bit.  “But I’m putting it in the recycling.”

He looked down at his finished product.  “Yeah, but what if a bird picks it out of the recycling pile?”

She stared at him.  She pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side.  She watched as he got up, put the cut up plastic into Sam’s recycling bin, then replaced the shears into the correct drawer in her kitchen.

When he came towards her, she was smiling.  “What?” he said.

“You are the sweetest man,” and she kissed him.

SsSsSsSsSs

They got to the restaurant and were seated.  Sam collapsed onto the booth and exhaled.  “Gosh, I’m tired today.”

Jack got into the booth next to her and squeezed her hand. 

The waitress came over and offered her pleasantries.  They were at O’Malley’s.  Jack had discovered that the bar and steakhouse was actually Sam’s favorite.  She liked a good steak, and they both preferred the atmosphere.  “A Guinness and a sangria, please,” he said, then turned to Sam, “Or would you prefer straight wine tonight?”

“Actually, I’ll have a beer,” Sam said.

“Sure, Ma’am, what it’ll be?”

“Hum,” she thought, “something light?”

“I can bring you a ‘Light sampler,’” said the waitress, “it’s got a blonde, a lager, a pale ale, and a wheat beer.  People love it.”

“That sounds fun,” Jack said, “you got a sampler of dark beer?”

“Sure do,” said the waitress.

“Perfect.  Change my Guinness to that.”

“Jack!”  Sam said, “we’re gonna get drunk.” She was laughing.

“Nah,” he said looking back at the waitress, “we’ll have two steaks.  One rare, with loaded baked potato.   The other medium, with French fries.”

“And a side salad,” Sam added, “honey mustard.”

The waitress nodded and went on her way.  Soon, she came back, and dropped off two long-shaped trays on their table.  Each had four glasses of beer on them, each glass about half the size of a regular serving.  The waitress started on the dark side and went beer by beer, explaining what it was.  Then she laid down her beer guide on the table and left.

“We are _so_ getting drunk, Jack,”  Sam said, eyes wide, taking in the 8 full glasses of beer.

“Yep,” was his response.  They both laughed.  “We can take a cab.  Let’s have a good time.”  Picking up a glass each, they clinked them together, and drank.

SsSsSsSsSs

An hour and a half later, all the beer gone and steaks consumed, they slid back into the booth giggling.  Sam had tried to teach Jack some pool shooting technique, and they had played against a couple of guys who had thought Sam and Jack were too drunk to know what end of the cue to push against the balls.  Sam had pocketed the last ball, taken the two hundred dollars from the table, and giggled all the way back to their booth.

“I’ll finally pay for our dinner!” She smiled.  “I’ve got enough for dessert, you in?”

“Sure,” Jack said, “leaning in and brushing his lips against hers.  “You want chocolate?  Or chocolate?”

She gave him a sexy smile.  “Chocolate.”

She was scrapping the last of the chocolate from the plate when Jack said, “Dr. Ketter is retiring.”

“What? Really?  How old is she?” Sam said, turning her body to face him. 

He turned towards her too.  “I don’t know.  Early 60’s.  Her husband’s a bit older than her.  He’s sick and she wants to take care of him.”

“Wow,” Sam said, licking the spoon one last time, then putting it down.  “So what does that mean for the practice?”

“They’ll replace her.”

“From within?” she lifted her eyebrows in a knowing manner.

Jack looked in her eyes, then looked down.

“Jack?” Sam lifted his face back up with her hand, cupping his cheek and making him eye level with her again.

“The board offered me the position,” he said, calmly.

Her eyebrows shot up, her eyes searching his face.  “Jack, that’s wonderful.  Wow.  Congratulations!” She ran her thumb over his cheek.

“I haven’t accepted yet.” He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes.

She wasn’t oblivious to his posture, to him waiting till dessert to tell her, to the tightness of his jaw where she held his head.  She also knew he wasn’t supposed to be the next in line for the top physician position; she knew this was a result of his phenomenal performance as a doctor.  “Oh.  Why not?  You do like this practice, right?”

He opened his eyes.  “Yeah, of course.  I just… what about us?”

She moved her hand and they both tilted their heads to rest it on the back of the booth.  “What about _us_?”  He made a face.  “Oh, come on, Jack.  It won’t affect us.”

His head popped up from the booth.  “You don’t know that!  You don’t know what’ll mean for my work schedule.  It’s a lot more hours.  And _a lot_ more responsibility.  Full supervision of the other M.D.’s and nurses, a lot more hospital duties, a lot more after-hours.  I mean, I’d be _the man_.” He sighed and looked at her, “I don’t know if I can be _the man_.”

She studied him for a moment.  “Well, if you don’t take it they could be stuck with someone much worse.”

He looked straight at her.  She let out a chuckle, “Ok, that came out wrong.” She straightened her body on the booth.  “I mean, if you stay where you are, you’ll have to be under whoever they put in charge.  Have you thought about that?”

He shrugged his shoulder.  “Working less hours is the whole reason I took this job.  I don’t want to become a workaholic again.  I don’t want to never see you and the girls.”

“Jack.” She gave him her best “that won’t happen” look.

“I mean it, Sam.  I’m not willing to give this up.” He grabbed her hand and held it.

“By ‘this’ you mean our relationship?” She gestured between the two of them with her free hand.

“Yes.”

“Jack.”

“What?”

“I’m not Sara.”

He looked up at her, a shocked expression on his face.  Had she really just brought up his dead ex-wife?

“I’m sorry,” she said right away.  “I can tell that was the wrong thing to say.  What I mean is that I’m not willing to give this up either.”

He grabbed her other hand.  “That won’t mean anything when I have to be at the hospital all night, then at the clinic all day until seven.” 

She bit her bottom lip and looked at their hands.  “I just don’t want you to pass up a great opportunity for—”

“For what?  For you?  The girls?  A chance at a family?  Happiness?” He really was laying it all out for her. 

She tilted her head to the side.  “Why can’t you have both?”

“I have both now!  Well, almost.  I’d prefer it if we were all living under one roof.  I’m happy in my position. The top dog position is a lot more money than what I’m getting now.  But I don’t care about that.  I make plenty now, plenty for us and the girls.” 

“I don’t care about the money, Jack.”

“It doesn’t mean I’ll never take that kind of job, Sam.  Hell, I’m sure one day I’ll own my very own practice again.  But it doesn’t have to be now.  This is too important to me,” he said, squeezing her hand.

“If that’s what you really want, then I’ll support your decision.  And I’m very proud of you for being asked.” She leaned in and kissed him lightly.

He pulled back from the kiss and spoke, “One day, when you’re with NASA or whatever it may be, off exploring moons or other galaxies, I can take that job, but not now.”

She grinned.  “I don’t know, I might need a chief medical officer.  I mean, if I’m going to visit other galaxies and all.”

“You never know, Sam.  You never know.”

“You’ve said a lot of nice things tonight, you know.”  She said, resting her head on his shoulder.  

“Yeah, like what?”  He put his chin on her head. 

“Oh, something about a family all living under one roof.”

He moved a bit, leaning down to whisper near her ear, “as soon as you’re ready, Sam.  As soon as you’re ready.”

He felt her chest go up and down as she breathed deeply.

“I love you, Jack.”

“I love you, too.”

After a few minutes, Sam righted herself.  She picked up the wad of cash from her pool winnings, opened the black folder that had been sitting on the table holding their bill, and deposited the money inside.  Closing it, she said, “You ready?”

He coughed.  “Yeah.  Um, Sam?  Our bill was what, sixty bucks?”

She looked at him, “yeah, that’s about right.”

His eyebrows shot up, “that’s quite the tip, Sam.” He knew they had won $200.

She licked her lips, “it’s okay.”

He caught her arm, “Sam!”

“Jack! That waitress is pregnant.”  She whispered, giving him a look that said ‘I’ve made my decision.’

“Really?” He looked around the restaurant trying to spot her.  “She didn’t look pregnant.”

“She is.  I can tell.  She’s probably close to seven months and she’s here working on a Saturday night and she’s _not_ wearing a wedding ring,” she looked up at him through her lashes, “she probably needs it.”

He was stunned into silence.  Of course, she would be concerned for the waitress.  Of course, she would leave a ridiculously large tip for a complete stranger.  Maybe she saw herself in the woman.  Maybe this is why she had won the pool bet after all.

“You know, for someone who swooned over me earlier for being a ‘sweet man’ and saving the turtles from a horrific plastic death, you’re pretty ‘sweet’ yourself.”

She shrugged and pushed him out of the booth.  “Come on, let’s finish this conversation at home.”

Jack grinned, “Yes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by SAM-JACK ALWAYS.
> 
> You all still with me?


	31. A Bump in the Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and for SAM-JACK ALWAYS for the beta and the encouragement.

On Saturday morning, Jack had taken all his girls to the park, where the twins had played endlessly on the playground equipment and swings, while he and Sam sat on a park bench, watching them and talking.  At home, Sam had made them all lunch, and was exasperated when the girls scrunched their noses up at Sam’s cooking and refused to cooperate during the entire meal.  It was easy to lose one’s cool with two three-year-olds in the house, and Jack had seen the red on her face and the smoke coming out of her ears and had graciously offered to go put them down for their nap.  He walked out of their room with eyebrows raised.

“They’re finally down.”

“Oh, thank you so much, Jack,” Sam said from her spot on the couch.

“You’re welcome,” he said sitting down.   “You need a break from them.”

“Yeah, I do.” She moved her feet under his thighs, hiding her toes from the cold.

“Maybe we could get the guys to watch them for a weekend and get away.”  He picked up one of her feet and started rubbing it.

“Oh, that sounds heavenly.”

“Does it?” He was kneading her foot and she moaned slightly.

“Yes,” she answered as he pulled her other foot out and started on it.  “They are so aggravating sometimes.”

“It’s this age, Sam.  It’ll get better.”

She picked her head up from the arm of the couch.  “Really?  Will it?”

“Yes.  Three is the worse, and you’ve got two of ‘em… who happen to be together all the time.” He ran a hand up her calf, “plotting against you.”

“People kept telling me about the ‘terrible twos’ and how horrid they’d be.  But the girls weren’t bad at two,” she said.

“No?”

“No.  They were learning to talk and they had these magical powers of cuteness.  They’d tumble still and say things that didn’t make sense and it usually didn’t matter what they were doing wrong ‘cause they were so darn adorable.” She smiled, remembering.

Jack put her feet back down.  “Then they turned three.” _And all hell broke loose_ , he wanted to add.

“Exactly.”  She sat up.  “Why is that?”

He shrugged.  “Maybe it’s a plot to keep parents from having any more children.”

She snorted.  “Seriously.”

“Four is better. They’re almost four, it’ll get better, Sam.”

“I hope so,” she sighed.

“I feel kinda bad now that I wasn’t around when they were two.  Were they that cute?” Jack asked her.

“Oh, yeah.  Melt-your-heart cute.  Their little faces were still chubby, like they still had that infant look.  It was adorable.  Now they’re so grown up.”

He smiled.  “Do you have any pictures of them at that age?”

“Yeah.  I do, actually.  You wanna see ‘em?”

“Yeah, I do.  If you don’t mind.” He patted her legs.

Sam got up and went to a bookshelf she kept along the back wall of the living room.  “Karen makes me scrapbooks of the girls’ pictures.  She’s a stay-at-home mom and it’s one of her hobbies.”

Jack looked back over at her.  She was searching for an album on the top shelf.  “That’s nice.”

“Yeah.” She seemed to find what she was looking for and hopped down.  “Here.  This one is a general one.  Has them at pretty much every age.  She gave it to me for Christmas… I think to make me remember how cute they were so I wouldn’t strangle the now three-year-olds.”

“Ha!”  Jack took the book from her and flipped it open.  The first picture was of a huge pregnant Sam, lying down on the couch taking a nap.  “Wow!!!” Jack said, “Sam, you were huge!”

She laughed, “I told you they were big babies for twins. Seven pounds and six pounds exactly.” She smiled at him.  “That’s how I got all those stretch marks you’re always tracing.”

“I don’t trace them.”  He said defensively.

“Oh, please!” she swatted him.

“I do not! You just – you’re nice.  I’m just memorizing all your spots.”

Sam gave him a sweet look.  He turned the page and saw a picture of Sam on a hospital bed, a bundle upon each arm, smiling adoringly down at one of the girls.  Jack touched his fingertip to one of the bundles. “That one’s Sophie,” he said, sure.

“How do you know?” Sam asked.

“Her nose.” Jack said, “and this one is Emma for sure.  Look at her chubby cheeks.”

“They both had chubby cheeks, Jack.  They’re identical!” She said, taking the book from him and squinting for a closer look at the bundles.  She couldn’t tell which baby was which.

“I can tell,” Jack said calmly, reaching back and retrieving the book.  Sam let him, watching him flip through a few pages, amazed at him once again.  She got up, “I’m gonna make a cup of coffee, you want one?”

“Sure,” he said absently, his focus on the book in front of him.

Sam made her way to the kitchen and Jack continued flipping through the scrapbook.  The pictures from their young infancy were done, and he was now staring at one with two chubby crawling babies, making their way across the living room to Sam, who was sitting down on the floor, arms outstretched to receive whoever won the crawling race.  The Christmas tree was set up on the floor behind the scene, and Jack could see wrapping paper thrown about the floor.  The girls were in footy-pajamas.  Santa footy-pajamas.   _This was probably the girls’ first Christmas,_ Jack thought to himself. 

Suddenly, his attention was caught by the man sitting on the lazy-boy chair behind Sam.  He was wearing sweatpants and an Air Force T-shirt and his legs were thrown haphazardly over the arm of the chair so that Sam’s back could rest on the chair’s footrest.  His arms were crossed in front of himself and his expression serious, like he wasn’t at all happy with whomever it was that was taking a picture of the happy scene in front of him. 

Jack’s mouth fell open and he sat motionless for several minutes.  It wasn’t the happy scene that held Jack captive to the picture, nor the attire of each person, nor even the Christmas tree, littered with opened presents and half-eaten popcorn strings.  It was the face of the man sitting on that chair.  Jack’s breathing completely stopped and he had to bring one of his hands to cover his own mouth.  Looking towards the kitchen area, he could still hear Sam inside, moving around.  He gently took the picture from its organized spot in the scrapbook, and slipped it into his pocket. 

Standing, he made a shaky exit, pausing briefly at the kitchen doorway, “Sam, I’m gonna head on home, ok?”

sSsSsSsSs

Turning abruptly, Sam stared at him.  Jack was white as a sheet.  “Jack, baby, what’s wrong?” She made her way towards him, but he backed away into the hallway.

“No!  It’s nothing.  I just have a headache.” He said, stuffing his hands into his pockets and making his way quickly to the front door.

Sam could tell he was a bit unsteady on his feet and caught up to him at the door.  “Jack, you’re scaring me.  What is it?” She reached for his arm and he flinched.

Sam sucked in some air, shocked at his brush-off.  “Jack?”

He turned fully toward her, and yes, she confirmed, he was pale.  “I’m sorry.  I think I’m just overtired, Sam.  Just let me go sleep it off, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, having little choice.

He walked down the paved walkway to the driveway and heard her call out, “call me when you feel better!” But he quickly closed his car door to drown out her voice.

Turning on the ignition, he backed his car out of the driveway, and drove away from Samantha Hanson.


	32. The Rage of Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SAM-JACK ALWAYS!

Jack drove recklessly all the way home, thinking of the face on the picture.  He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and being stopped at a red light, retrieved it to see a text from Sam,  _“I hope you’re ok.  I love you.”_

Looking back up at the light, Jack made sure it was still red, letting the phone fall in between his legs on the car seat.  He reached into his other pocket and retrieved the picture, looking again at the face.   A face Jack knew well, a face which haunted him in his dreams and fueled his punching streaks at the gym.

The honking startled him, and looking up he saw that the light had turned green and that the honking had been directed towards him.  Putting the photo down, Jack screeched through the light, counting the minutes until he could reach his house.

Although it was early afternoon, a severe storm was blowing in, and darkness had fallen over the world.  His house was hidden in the back of the wooded area and Jack parked and practically ran inside, seconds before the downpour began.  Slamming the front door, he quickly made his way through the house and into his bedroom.  Once inside, he shrugged out of his jacked and threw it on his bed, followed by his phone, which landed with a thud on top of the leather jacket.  Jack violently opened his closet door and knelt on the floor near his shoes. 

With a sweeping motion he brought forth a large shoe box, which had originally held his winter boots, and now served to hold important documents, like his passport, insurance papers, and Charlie and Sara’s obituaries.  Bringing the box towards himself, he fell back onto his backside, leaning his back onto the shelving inside the closet where Jack had his work shoes.  Sighing first, he looked down and ran a heavy hand over the box, while clutching Sam’s Christmas photo with his other hand.  In one swift motion, he opened the box and quickly leafed through the mountain of papers and mementos in search of his goal.  Finding it, he pulled it out slowly, letting the crinkly sound of old newspaper fill the enclosed space. 

He pulled the box closed and set it down on the floor, placing Sam’s photo on top of the box.  He used both hands to unfold the newspaper clipping, which was folded in four, and as he rested the thin paper on his thighs and ran a hand over it to stretch it out, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply.  Opening them slowly, Jack searched out the newspaper article, finding the photo in the center of the editorial.   Picking up the photo from Sam’s scrapbook, Jack held up both images to his face, his eyes roaming both faces back and forth, confirming his worst fears.  They were the same. 

“NO!” Jack yelled into the closet, grasping the papers in his hands and bending his body forward.  “NO!” He repeated over and over, his teeth clenched so hard he feared he might break one.  Losing control, Jack stood abruptly, letting go of both things and heading for the picture of Charlie which hung on his bedroom wall.  Picking the frame up and ripping it off the wall, Jack touched Charlie’s face tenderly, the tears falling rapidly down his face, a frown and a grimace upon his mouth.  Jack brought the frame up to his heart and hugged it, sobbing helplessly.  He sucked in a huge breath and lunged his fist into the wall where the frame had been, creating a huge hole.  Pulling back his hand with another sob and ripping out a primal cry, Jack punched another piece of drywall.  This time when he pulled back, his hand was bleeding.  Cursing, Jack turned around, slid his body down the same wall he had assaulted, and wept bitterly.

sSsSsSsSs

Jack had wept for hours on his floor, curled up in a ball; he was more pathetic than he’d been after the initial news of Charlie’s death.  This had brought the pain all back , mixed with a sense of loss for his newfound life, and Jack wasn’t sure he wanted to face another day. 

After he had picked himself up off the floor that night, he made his way into his kitchen, and after searching several cabinets, found the half bottle of single malt Scotch that was left in the house.  He drank mostly beer, but he had indulged in the heavy stuff after Charlie’s death, and this bottle was all that was left from his depression-filled lonely nights.  He drank a tumbler full before refilling it and walking back to his bedroom.  Sitting on the bed, he reached for his phone and swiped at the screen.  There were two more text messages from Sam.  He clicked on the first one, _“Please text me to let me know you’re okay,”_ followed by, _“I’m going to sleep.  I love you.”_  That had been several hours ago.

Jack clutched at his phone and sighed.  There was no way he was going to be able to face Sam anytime soon.  God, how was he going to tell her?  He took another large swallow of his Scotch and winced as the alcohol travelled down his throat.  A plan formed in his head, and deciding to follow through, he put the scotch down and headed for the bathroom, shedding his clothing along the way.  Tomorrow, he’d drive to the cabin and spend a few days there.  Heck, the drive would take a whole day and would help to clear his head.  The weather was still bad but Jack didn’t care, he’d shovel snow if he had to and sleep in the cold.  He just needed space, and lots of quiet.  Getting ready for bed, Jack washed his face at the sink and made his way to his bed.  He set the alarm on his phone for 5 a.m. and turned off the lights.

sSsSsSsSs

Sam woke up at 7:15 a.m. with Sophie poking at her eyeballs.  “Mommy!  My Barbie’s leg fell off again.”  Sam blinked a few times, confused, then reached for Sophie’s doll and popped the broken leg back into its socket, making Sophie squee with delight, “Thank you, Mom!”  Sophie ran down the hallway and Sam could hear her announcing to Emma that the doll was healed. 

Looking at the clock, Sam wasn’t surprised she slept in, having tossed and turned for most of the night, worried about Jack.  Sitting up and reaching for her phone, she saw that there were no missed calls, and no text messages.  She sighed.  Something was definitely bothering him last night.  She wondered, not for the first time, about the big lunch she had cooked, and whether the pre-packaged meatballs had made Jack ill.  Shaking her head, she reminded herself of her conclusion last night: Jack could stomach anything, so it couldn’t be her cooking.

Getting out of bed, she quickly brushed her teeth and used the toilet, then made her way to the girls.  She knew they would be hungry.  Kissing their heads, she went straight to the fridge and retrieved two yogurt drinks, absently putting two straws in through the foil top, and handed one to each child, who sucked on them hungrily.  She returned to the kitchen and turned her coffee maker on.  It was one of those fancy things, and she just had to put a prepackaged cup of coffee powder in the thing and push the right button and voila, coffee.  Jack had bought it for her when he discovered her hatred for washing out the coffee carafe.  

She wondered about Jack.  They had fallen into a routine on Sundays, of spending the day together, taking the girls to the park, or the museum, or the zoo.  After his moody and ashen exit yesterday, Sam wondered if he would bow out from the usual activities today.  Sam opened a cabinet and pulled the box of pop tarts down from the shelf.  Opening a packet, she put the pieces on the toaster and grabbed a banana off the fruit bowl.  Pulling down two plates, she peeled and halved the banana, and as the pastries popped up from the toaster, placed one on each plate.  She stretched and put a sweetener into her instantly brewed cup of perfection, and mixed it with a spoon.  Stacking the girls’ plates, she picked them up with one hand and her cup with the other and made her way out of the kitchen.

Plopping their plates down on their little table in the living room, Sam found the remote and turned on the television, locating the morning cartoons.  “Okay, girls, come eat your breakfast.” Sam called out gently to the girls who were playing with their Barbie dolls on the floor.  Looking up, they saw the plates on the table and noted the TV was on, and hurried over.

Sam walked back to her room and got back in bed, organizing her pillows so she could sit up and drink her coffee and wake up slowly.  She sipped her coffee and sighed.  Reaching for her phone, she unhooked it from its power source and unlocked the screen.  There was a text message from Jack.  Sighing with relief, Sam clicked on it.  Her eyes shot back.  It was one of those long ones, where several messages had to be separated into different parts in order to be sent.  She read quickly, scanning rapidly over words,

_“Hey, I’m sorry about last night.  I’m still feeling a bit off.  I’ve decided to spend a few days at the cabin.  I’m driving in today and should be there by nightfall.  There isn’t a lot of phone coverage out near the cabin, so I’ll be out of reach for a few days.  I’ll call you when I get back, maybe the end of the week.  Be safe.”_

Sam read the text a few more times then immediately worked her fingers over the screen so that she was dialing Jack.  She brought the phone up to her ear and waited.  _Going to the cabin?  For a few days?  By himself?_   The call went to Jack’s voicemail, and Sam spoke into the receiver, “Jack, it’s me.  Please call me before you get there.  I’d like to talk to you before you’re out of reach and everything.  Well, anyway.  I hope you’re well enough to be doing all that driving. I love you.  Bye.” 

She swiped at the screen and ended the call.  Letting her head fall back onto the headboard with a thud, Sam’s mind was racing.  Jack had talked about taking her to his cabin to go fishing.  He had talked about driving up with her, just the two of them, to spend a few days during the winter enjoying the snow and the cold.  And what about his work?  She guessed he had plenty of sick days and vacation days, what with the clinic employing five full time physicians.  She sipped her coffee and let her mind wander, thinking about the man she loved, worried about his health and his heart.

It was around 7:00 p.m. when Sam felt her phone buzz in her pocket.  She had kept her phone on her all day in case Jack were to call.  Pulling it out, she read his text, _“Made it.  I’ll call you when I’m back.  TTYS.”_

Furious, Sam pressed the call button and held it up to her ear.  She couldn’t believe how impersonal his message was after she’d been worrying over him all day long.  The call didn’t even ring, but went straight to his voicemail.  Out of nowhere, tears sprang into Sam’s eyes, and her heart clenched.  It was the first time she had felt unwanted by him, rejected.  Biting her bottom lip, Sam took a few deep breaths and told herself that she was being dramatic, that the man deserved a vacation, away from his busy life and her loud children.  Sighing, she picked the phone back up and texted back.  _“Okay. Please be safe and come home soon.  I love you.  I’ll miss you.”_

Sam tossed the phone on the counter and went back to doing dishes, deciding to move on from this particular situation for the time being.


	33. April 5th

Jack had been gone all week long, and Sam had missed him terribly, more than she had missed him during Christmas.  He had not communicated with her since the text stating he had arrived in Minnesota, and Sam’s week had been stressful and lonely.   It was Friday afternoon, and she was in the garage, changing the oil in her SUV, and poking her head out of the hood of the car every few seconds to check on the girls, who were playing in the driveway, riding their tricycles and making mud pies with the melting snow.  It had been a mild March, but the girls were still wearing their protective gear and slipping occasionally on the still frozen floor.

She felt her phone buzz through her jeans pocket, and wiped her hands on a washrag before pulling it out and checking who was calling.  It was text from Jack.

_"I made it back.  I’ll call you later and we can talk.”_

Sam sighed loudly.  _Well, that sounds ominous._ None of this was O’Neill behavior Sam had experienced before, and she was absolutely sure she didn’t like it one bit.  Throughout their relationship, Jack had been very open and communicative; it was so unlike him to be aloof, especially this careless about neglecting to speak with Sam when she had specifically asked for him to call.  She didn’t like being a needy person either, but she longed to hear his voice, for him to tell her he loved her, for him to hold her, to make her smile again.  There was a tightness in her chest all week, a sense of loss already, and Sam was sure that the ‘something’ that she had feared in the back of her mind, the negative ‘what if,’ had finally happened.  She was sure she was losing Jack, she just couldn’t come up with a reason why.

Bending down inside the hood, Sam rubbed the new oil filter with some oil, and placing it in its spot tightened it with a wrench.  Popping her head back out, she checked on the girls.  They were both playing in a puddle of melted ice, putting their hands in and out.  She picked up the new oil and placed the bottle against the oil cap.  With her other hand she got her phone back out and composed a text to one of her trusted students, _“Katelyn, this is Dr. Hanson.  I have a last-minute emergency.  Could you come over for a bit to watch the girls?”_ She knew Katelyn didn’t have classes on Fridays.  She also couldn’t ignore what her heart was doing, beating rapidly in response to the text from Jack.  Making sure not to drip any oil, Sam replaced the cap and went about picking up her materials and tools. 

“Girls, time to go back inside now!” she said, watching as the girls frowned.

Her phone buzzed and Sam saw the message, _“No problem.  I’ll be there in 20 minutes, Dr. H.”_

sSsSsSsSs

Jack had finally finished in the kitchen.  When he arrived from his long car trip from Minnesota, he was greeted by the repugnant odors of left-out kitchen garbage.  He had left in such haste for solitude at his cabin that he neglected to prepare his home for his absence.  Finding a lone candle at the very back at the cabinet, Jack lit it and hoped it would help to diffuse the smell.  That’s when he heard the doorbell.  And that’s when he realized he could avoid Sam no longer.

“Sam!”  Jack said, both defeated and surprised to see her at his front door.

“Hi,” Sam said to him, gaging his reaction to her surprise visit.

They stared at each other for what seemed like forever, Sam now very uncertain of having come over, until Jack could hold it no longer and reached for her, strong arms pulling her roughly to himself, crushing her to his chest.  Her arms reached for him as well, one hand clutching at his front and the other encircling him and holding him tightly.  He moved one of his hands to the back of her head, and led it to the crook of his neck.  She breathed him in and he did the same, exhaling loudly and allowing the stress in his body to momentarily subside.

She mumbled into his neck, “Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?”

He exhaled again and pulled back from their embrace slightly, still not looking into her eyes, “we have to talk.”

“We have to talk?” She said skeptically.  “You up and disappear for a week, and now ‘we have to talk’?”  She pulled back completely and looked him in the eye.  “That sounds final.”

She looked him over, the hard edges of his face seemed impossibly harder, and he was gaunt, “Did you eat at all while you were in Minnesota?”

He looked down and his lips thinned into a line.  “Come on, let’s go and sit down.” He gestured towards his sunken living room. 

“No,” she said curtly, “I think I’ll stand for this.”

“Sam, don’t—”

“Come out with it, Jack,” she said angrily, “are you ending it?”

“No!” He replied immediately, “I am definitely _not_ ending it.”

Her shoulders relaxed a bit, but her face was still hard.

Jack spoke again, trying to calm her.  “I’m not.  I’m not ending it.  _Trust me._ ”  He sighed, “I just learned something, realized something… something that I, um, have to tell you.”  He cleared his throat.  “ _I’m_ gonna go sit down,” Jack said, taking the three small steps down to his sitting room all at once and collapsing onto the couch.

Sam was very uncomfortable… and very scared.  She closed the front door and followed him down, but continued to stand near where he was slumped on the couch.  “Please sit down, Sam.” 

Defeated, she sat gently on the edge of the couch, near him, but still leaving a bit of space between their bodies.  He righted himself and stood, walking back up the steps and disappearing down the hall.  Sam sighed loudly, and covered her face with her hands.  This was not going well and something was definitely wrong.  Before she could decide if she should follow him or just leave, he returned, sitting back down next to her, holding two things in his left hand.  He immediately handed her one of them.

“I took this from your scrapbook on Saturday.”  He said apologetically, and watched as she tore her gaze from his to look at the offending object in her hands. It was the picture with the happy Christmas scene.  “I’m sorry that I took it, and I’m sorry that it’s now bent.” 

She looked up at him confused.  “This is from the girls’ first Christmas,” she said and he nodded.  “It looks like a happy moment, but it wasn’t,” she said, pursing her lips and looking back down at the photo.  “Daniel had come over to give the girls their presents and Jonas was horrible to him.  He made a huge scene right after Daniel took this picture… took the toys Daniel had bought and threw them out the front door,” she explained on a grimace, “he thought Daniel and I were having an affair; he was always jealous of our friendship.”

“I’m sorry.” Jack said, a pathetic kind of look upon his face.

“Why did you take it?  Why did you leave?” she asked.

“I had never seen a picture of him.  I mean, I know why you don’t have them around the house or anything.  But I didn’t know what he looked like, until I saw this picture,” he explained.

“Ok.  And seeing him in the picture upset you?”  She tried to understand.

“Um,” he cleared his throat, “you could say that.” He stalled.

“Jack,” Sam said, losing patience.

He shrugged and handed her the other offending object.  She let the picture fall to her thighs and unfolded the newspaper clipping.  Recognizing immediately what it was, she looked up at him sharply, “where did you find this?” she asked harshly, “did you go through my things?”

He swallowed and wiped a hand down his face, “No.”

She continued to stare at him. “That’s mine,” she heard him say.

“What’s yours?” She asked him, frowning.

He pointed to the article.  “This is my copy.”

“Why would you have a copy of the article from Jonas’ accident?” she asked him, totally confused.

He let out a large breath and she could now see that his eyes were slightly moist, his hands a little shaky.

“Sam, I have that because,” he faltered, “that article, um.” He puffed out his cheeks and blew out his breath.  Sam looked from him and then down to the paper, starting to make the connection herself, but she heard him finally say it, “that’s my copy of the article detailing the accident where Charlie and Sara died.”

The next moments were a whirlwind of pain and grief.  Sam’s eyes became huge and the breath was knocked out of her.  “Oh, my god,” she said on a sob, her right hand rising to cover her mouth and her eyes stinging with tears.

He immediately put his hand to her cheek to comfort her, and she looked sharply up at him, “it can’t be,” she choked out.  Then suddenly she jumped up, running towards the hallway.  Jack jumped up after her, wanting to make sure she would not escape this house in her current state, but he quickly realized she wasn’t headed for the front door.  Following her to the bathroom in the hallway, Jack found her hunched over the toilet, retching violently into the bowl.

“Oh, Sam!”  He was beside her in an instant, pulling back her hair and rubbing her back soothingly until the heaving stopped.  She was sobbing and shaking and Jack knew she was in shock.  He waited until she sat on her heels, away from the bowl, and he flushed the toilet, handing her a towel to wipe at her mouth and face.  She slumped onto the floor and pushed herself up against the wall near the toilet paper dispenser, her face splotchy and red and a mess of tears and snot.  She covered her face with her hands, letting her fingertips go into her hair and scrunching up what she could in anger, fear and grief.

“Sam,” he tried, reaching for her, trying to bring her to him in an embrace, but she batted him away.

“It can’t be right!”  She tried, looking back up at him, “this has to be a mix-up.  You said they just got into a car accident!” she batted his hand away again.  “And we were living in Denver!”

“I’m sorry, Sam.  This is so messed up.  But it’s true.  It’s why I went away.  I’m sorry I did.  I had to process, to come to terms with it.”  He brought his hands to her face and wiped at the tears running down her cheeks.  “Sara moved with Charlie to Denver after our divorce.  She wanted to be closer to her dad.  The accident was in Denver.”  He looked her in the eyes.  “Charlie and Sara died on April 5th.  They died on impact, it was _this_ accident.”

Sam looked at him, and realized it had to be true.  God was playing an awful joke on her, and it was now all coming to a head.  She would never be free of this; she would never be free of Jonas Hanson.  He mocked and shamed and ruined her even after his death.  He destroyed her future along with the future of the innocent he had killed on the night of his drunken driving.

“He was drunk,” she said on a sob.

“I know,” Jack explained.  “I’ve always known.  I didn’t think you needed to know Charlie was killed by a drunk driver.  It’s not important.”

She seemed to sob even harder and moved her face away from his hands.  “You don’t understand,” she wept, evading his comfort.  “He was drunk because of me.  He was driving drunk because of me.”  She covered her mouth with her hand, “and he killed them.”  That confession produced an enormous wave of shaking and Sam pulled up again, abruptly, heaving again into the bowl.

“Sam, don’t, honey.”  Jack said, rubbing her back tenderly, “it’s over.  We’re going to be just fine.”

She pulled back and turned sharply towards him.  “How can you say that?  I took them away from you.”  She looked at him, grief stricken, both of them saddened and with tears streaming down their faces.  Suddenly, she reached for him and hugged him fiercely.  “I’m sorry,” she mumbled into his chest, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she went on, and he shushed her with his voice, kissing the top of her head and hugging her just as tightly. “It was not your fault, Sam.”

“It is,” she pulled back and looked him straight in the eye. “It’s my fault.  He got drunk that night because of me.  He got drunk because we had a huge fight.  I told him I was leaving… that I wanted a divorce… that I was taking the girls and moving to California.  He slapped me across the face so hard that it nearly knocked me out.  I locked myself in the room with the girls.  I could hear him getting drunk in the house.  Yelling, cursing, and throwing things, hitting walls.  I heard him leave the house and I was relieved.  I was so relieved he had left,” she cried even more.

Sam stopped suddenly, the tears coming to a halt and her breathing momentarily returning to normal.  They were still sitting on the bathroom floor, closely entwined near the toilet bowl, and she touched her hand tenderly to his chest, right on top of the place where his heart was.  “I took the most precious things from your life.” She bit her lip and looked him over, focusing on his face and memorizing his facial features.  “I’m so sorry.”  Quickly, she stood and, without giving him a chance to follow her, said one last thing before she disappeared from his house, “I hope you can forgive me, Jack.”

sSsSsSs

Jack had watched Sam leave from his view of her on the floor of his bathroom.  He let her go, knowing that she needed the time, needed the space to process the things that she had learned.  But he saw immediately that she blamed herself.  She believed her behavior had led to Jonas’ drinking, and that she had driven him to leave the house intoxicated.  Still on the bathroom floor, Jack looked up at the bathroom ceiling, his teeth clenched and his hands fisted.  He was not usually a praying man, nor one to acknowledge the existence of a Being who could, perhaps, make things better.  Seeing no other alternative, he closed his eyes, and spoke to the empty bathroom:

“If you’re really up there, somewhere, you can see this little situation and it’s…” he stumbled on his words as he felt himself become emotional.  This was not his usual M.O.  Jack O’Neill didn’t lose his cool, and he certainly didn’t pray.  “If you could just fix this.  Please.  Not for me,” he bit his lip and shook his head trying to compose himself, “not for me, but for Sam.” He sighed and tore a piece of toilet paper off the dispenser, wiping at his face and blowing his nose, before balling the paper up and shooting it at the trash bin like it was a basketball.  He brought his knees up and hugged his legs.  “If you could fix this, I’d really appreciate it,” he said again to the empty bathroom, “and I promise to do it right this time.  You know I love her.  You know I love them.  Don’t let me lose them.”

Clearing his throat, Jack got his phone out.  Something told him he needed to send her one last message before he gave her some space.  He calmly texted her,

_“Sam, it is not your fault Jonas got drunk.  It is not your fault he drove off.  I am at peace with their deaths.  This week has helped to clear my mind.  Whatever led us to meet, be it fate, or something greater, I love you.  We belong together.  I’m here when you need me, but I’m going to give you some space.  Remember, Sam.  I love you.”_

Sending the message, he poked around on his phone ‘till he got it to do what he wanted.  Bringing the phone to his ear, it rang until he could leave a voicemail and he did, “Daniel, this is Jack.  Listen, um, something happened, with me and Sam.  I’m going to give her some space and… um, if you could check on her for me, I’d really appreciate it.  She might need you tonight, in fact.  If you could swing by there… Ok, um… thanks, Daniel.  Bye.”

And with that, Jack pulled himself up off the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters were dreamed long before any of the romance was typed out. A huge thanks to all who have read and reviewed. A big thank you to SAMnJACK ALWAYS for betaing all these chapters and for giving me a play by play reaction to her first read.
> 
> The story is not over…


	34. The End of the Road

Jack drove to the park by Sam’s house and parked the car.  Killing the engine, he could already see her, sitting on a park bench by the playground; her hands clasped in front of her and her eyes locked somewhere down near her feet.  He couldn’t see the girls anywhere in the playground or near her.   _That’s not a good sign_ , Jack thought.  It had been two weeks since Jack had seen her.  After one week, he had called and left her a voice message, letting her know that he loved her and was available when she needed him.  Sam had texted him back, saying she needed more time.  Today, she had called him and asked if he could meet her at the park. 

He made his way towards her.  Just the sight of her, after so long, made his stomach tingle and his breath hitch.  She seemed to sense that he was approaching, and looked up.  Their eyes locked for a moment, until Sam looked away.  The gesture startled Jack, and he momentarily stopped his pace.  Taking a deep breath, he noticed she had a small box next to her, and his heart sank.  _God, please._

He approached her carefully, but stopped a few feet from the park bench where she was.  She sat up and looked at him, squinting because of the sunlight. 

“Hi,” he said cautiously.

“Hi,” she responded, her voice small and weak.  She looked small and weak too, Jack noticed.  Her hair was devoid of its usual shine and her face bore far more makeup than she usually wore, an attempt to hide the dark circles under her eyes.  It looked like she hadn’t slept all week long, and her sweater hung loosely on her figure.

“Where are the girls?” Jack asked, looking back over to the playground in the hopes that he had just missed them.

“They’re at Daniel’s,” she said, following his line of sight.

He nodded.  He was still standing slightly away from her.  “What’s in the box, Carter?”

She didn’t answer, but bit her lip and closed her eyes.

Jack’s heart was beating a mile a minute, and he ran a hand through his hair.  “I’ve missed you,” he said rather unsteadily, “I – “

“Jack,” she said, her voice cracking.  She cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry about upping and going to the cabin.  It was probably too abrupt, but I had to wrap my mind around it, to deal with it.  I hope you’ve had some time to come to terms with it.”

She furrowed her brow and he came to sit down next to her.  She turned her body so that she was facing him.  Sucking in a long breath she said, “Jack, this isn’t something I’m going to ‘come to terms with.’”

He looked at her, his eyes like saucers.  “Jack, really,” she shook her head and looked away.  “My drunk, abusive husband was the man who crashed into you’re ex-wife’s car and killed your son.  There’s no other way to think of it.  It’s not going to go away.  There’s nothing to ‘come to terms with.’”  She put a shaky hand up to her lip. 

“We can fix this, Sam.”  Jack tried putting a hand at her thigh, but Sam flinched and he pulled it back.

“You can’t fix this with a damn prescription, Jack!”  There was anger mixed with her sadness, and Jack knew she was wondering who was responsible for this screwed up situation.

“It wasn’t you, Sam.  You can’t pay penance for that man for the rest of your life.  You have to move on from this,” Jack said, pleading. 

She was silent for a long time. Her eyes moving from the floor to the swings, then back.  “Even if I could, move on, accept what happened,” she looked up at him, “it would eventually come back. It would only hurt us in the long run.”

“It won’t.  It can’t, Sam.”  Jack sounded absolutely desperate.  And he was.

“You don’t know that!” she said, standing and hugging herself, “You’ve been married before, you know how quickly things can change.  If we fought or argued, had a bad day, had a bad year, and either of us used this, brought this up –”

“We won’t.” He stood up and was face to face with her.

“You might not, but what if I do?” she said staring straight into his eyes. 

“Sam,” he said, tenderly, brokenly.

She tilted her head.  “Please, don’t make this harder than it already is,” she whispered.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  She was ending it.  “But we love each other, Sam.  Don’t we?” Jack stared back at her, his face immovable, his eyes showing love and concern and anguish.  She stared straight back at him, her eyes downturned and her head slightly tilted.  Two lovers separated by a force field and being kept apart by life’s ugly circumstances.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“No!” he yelled, then, looked around.  No wonder she had selected a public meeting place.  “I won’t leave you!”

“Jack,” she pleaded.

“Sam, this can’t be the end.  You and the girls—” he reached for her hands, “you are my future.  You’re everything.  You can’t let him win.  You can’t let the dead control our lives.”

Tears trickled down her face and she bit her bottom lip.   She worked to control her emotions, Jack could see her breathing deeply, trying to remain calm.  She squeezed his hands and looked him in the eye, “Thank you for all your kindness to me.  I won’t forget you.  I wish you every happiness, Jack.  Please, forgive me.”

With that, Sam laid a gentle kiss on his cheek.  She let go of his hands and took a step back.  She nodded towards the box.  “Those are yours, I” –

“No.  I don’t accept this.  It can’t be over.” Jack said bitterly.

She pressed her lips together and looked away from him.  “Goodbye, Jack.”

She walked away trembling, going towards the parked cars, and she heard Jack say her name one more time.  Not looking back, Sam made her way to her car, but his last remark made her stop cold.

“Tell them I love them,” he yelled so she could hear.  He saw her shoulders sag a bit and shake, “If they ask about me… tell them.” She kept her back to him, but he saw her head nod several times, then she continued on to her car.  Tears were streaming down her face, and when she closed the door to her car, she knew she was closing the door on the love of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allusions are from Divide and conquer, Season 4, Episode 5.
> 
> SAM-JACK ALWAYS, xoxo.


	35. Mutual Concern

Jack had given Sam another week.  He mourned her absence deeply, but continued with his routine, telling himself that she would come around, and that he had to keep his head above water.  On the inside, though, Jack felt like a heartsick teenager, heartbroken and abandoned.

After a week, he called a few times, but she refused to answer.  He texted also, with no luck.  He sent flowers to her work, and cupcakes to her home.  She had refused them both upon delivery.  Jack tried calling again, but it was simply no use.  Two weeks into his pursuit of her, Teal’c showed up at his door, a six pack of beer and the Star Wars saga in his hands.  In clear terms, Teal’c had told him how Sam had come to the gym, alone and without workout gear, and approached him.  He explained to Jack how she had requested that Teal’c ask Jack to please stop contacting her.  Jack was shocked.

“Why didn’t she just call me and ask me to stop?” he asked Teal’c.

“I asked her the same thing, my friend.  She fears that any communication with you might unduly encourage you,” Teal’c said, “I believe perhaps it is Samantha who is not strong enough to hear your voice at this time.”

“I can’t stop.  I can’t lose her, T.” Jack said, shaking his head.  “She’s it.  She’s the one.”

"I know.  Perhaps she just needs more time.  Give her more time,” he said calmly, “respect her wishes for now, and she might honor you later.”

Jack sighed, “I called Daniel.  Asked about her.  He apologized, but said he had to stay loyal to her.  I said I knew and that I just wanted to know how she was.”

“And what did he say?” Teal’c asked, having a seat.

“Not well.  He said she’s not well.  That she looks thin and exhausted but that’s she’s putting on a good show for him and the girls.”

“What about Janet Fraiser?” Teal’c asked.

“What about her?” Jack said.

“Does Samantha not regularly visit her for appointments?” Teal’c tried.

Jack scratched his head, “she um, she stopped seeing her every week, but yeah, she should still be seeing her once a month,” he sighed, “I can’t contact Janet.  She won’t tell me anything… doctor-patient confidentiality.”  Perhaps now that this had happened, Janet had resumed Sam’s weekly visits.  Jack could only hope.

“Then perhaps you should just wait,” Teal’c said.

“Shit,” Jack swore, finally having a seat. “I love her, T.”

“I know, my friend.  I know.”

sSsSsSsSs

Two more weeks passed by and Jack lived a zombie-like existence, moving mechanically through tasks, and missing Sam and the girls more than he thought possible.  They had left a huge void in his life, and he was unsure of what to do with himself most of the time.  Which is what led him to feign illness on the middle of a Wednesday, and show up at Janet’s office unannounced.   He told the receptionist he had an urgent matter to discuss with Dr. Fraiser and waited until Janet followed a patient out of her office.

“Jack!” She said, startled, “what are you doing here?”

“Hey, Janet.  You got a minute?” Jack said, sweating a bit.

“Yeah, of course,” Janet replied, turning to her receptionist, “Katy, go ahead and go to lunch.  Lock up, please.” She gestured for Jack to join her in her office.

As soon as she was through her door, Janet asked, “what’s going on, Jack?”

“How is she?”  Jack asked immediately, his tone worried.

“Sam?” Janet frowned.

“Yes, Sam.  Of course, Sam,” he said, sounding irritated.  He walked over to the couch and sat down.

Janet followed him and sat down next to him, “Jack, you of all people know… I can’t discuss Sam’s mental health with you, it’s against—”

“No, I don’t mean that.  I mean her.  How is she?  How is she doing with all this?”  He said, and Janet noticed the dark circles under his eyes, his stiff posture, his disheveled appearance.

“What do you mean, ‘with all this’?” she asked, fearing the answer.

“What, you haven’t seen her?” He spoke grouchily, “When was the last time you saw her?”

“Hum, I’m not sure, I’d have to check my book, maybe a month ago?  Could be more?  I’m only seeing her once a month now and she cancelled the last visit, said she was teaching an extra class.  She hasn’t called to reschedule and I was just gonna let it slide till the next scheduled appointment.  Why?  What happened, Jack?”  Janet asked concerned.

“Oh, my god!”  Jack ran a hand down his face, “this means she’s going through it all without you.  Damn her!” he stood up, “she needs you, Janet!  You have to go see her.  You have to call her!”

Janet stood up and went to Jack, “Ok, easy!  You have to calm down, Jack.  Take a deep breath for me.” She took charge of the situation and made Jack sit back down, “That’s it, _easy_.”

“What about hanging out? Don’t you guys hang out?” he tried, still exasperated.

“She spends all her time with you now!”  Janet said, “it’s not a bad thing, Jack.  You guys need this time together.”

“Janet,” Jack took a long, slow breath, “I haven’t seen Sam in four weeks.” He heard Janet gasp.  “Since the day she ended it.”

“Oh, Jack.  I’m so sorry.”  Janet said, thinking back over the past month, knowing Sam had still used Cassie for babysitting a few times, and wondering, _really_ wondering how her friend was doing.

“I really can’t discuss Sam anymore, though.  She’s my patient and—”

“That’s not all,” he said through gritted teeth, “we found out that,” he stopped to clear his throat, to compose himself, “that Sam’s wacko husband was the drunk driver that killed Sara and Charlie, my ex-wife and kid.”

Janet lifted her hand to her mouth.  “Are you kidding me?”

“Like I could actually make this shit up.” Jack said, dripping sarcasm.

“Jack, I’m so sorry.”  Janet was horrified and uncertain of what to do.  All of her months with Sam came whirling through her mind.  She knew Sam’s decision to turn off Jonas’ life support machines so quickly stemmed not only from her horrid experiences of life with him, but from the fact that he had killed a young mother and her child the night of his accident.  She looked up at Jack completely shocked.

He met her gaze, “I know.”

She looked around her office, panicked.  She stood, walked a bit, then sat down, now very worried about Sam.  “Jack,” she said again, “Jack, how long has she known?”

“About a month and a half,” he said from his spot on the couch, “after we found out, I gave her some space.  She asked to meet me a couple of weeks later and ended it… said it wasn’t something she could just get over… that she’d always think of it, that she’d always know that Jonas was the one to kill Charlie.” He stood and walked up to Janet, “she blames herself - for all of it.”

“This is unbelievable.  How did you not connect the pieces earlier?  I mean, didn’t you recognize his name?” Janet was still trying to understand everything.  “Didn’t she recognize yours?”

Jack shook his head, “I had the newspaper clipping.  We both did.  But the day I found out was the first time I’ve actually read it.”  Jack thought back to the article, the picture of Jonas, the title “U.S. Air Force Captain Kills Mother and Child in Drunken Accident.”  It had always been as far as he’d gotten.  He shook his head again, “Sara and Charlie’s names aren’t on there.  It just says ‘mother and child.’  In all these years, I never _wanted_ to read it.  I just stared at the picture of him on the article.  I hated his face.  I finally saw a picture of him at Sam’s house, in an album.  I knew immediately who it was.  God, Janet.” He ran his fingers through his hair.  “I can’t lose her.” 

“Jack,” Janet tried, but Jack just went on, not even stopping to breathe, much less to allow Janet to get another word in.

“I’ve stayed away.  I’ve given her space, hoping she would come around.  She hasn’t called.  I’m worried about her.  I thought for sure she had been coming to see you.  I can’t believe she hasn’t told you!  I love her, Janet. You have to help her, Janet!”  Jack sounded desperate.

“Jack, listen to me,” Janet said calmly, “I want you to know that you’ve done the right thing.  It sounds like you’ve given her space, that you’ve let her know you still care and still want this relationship,” she looked to him for confirmation and he nodded, “and I’m honestly glad you came here today.  But, the only advice I can give you is to keep giving Sam a chance to figure things out. I can’t tell you she’ll want in this relationship again.  It may not happen.  And you may have to deal with this too, away from her.  I mean, have you considered that this is bringing all the grief from Charlie’s death back up again?”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, irritably. _The grief, the pain, the anger, the loneliness…_

“And that maybe you could use this time to sort out your own feelings about this – the fact that your girlfriend’s former husband was responsible for your son’s—”

“Yeah, doc, I get the picture.” Jack said, defeated.  He sighed. 

Standing, he looked Janet straight in the eyes, “Please, take care of her, Janet,” he said, his eyes moist, “she’s everything to me now.”

Jack told Janet as much as he was comfortable with, including his escape to the cabin, his anger over Jonas Hanson, his desperation over loosing Sam.  He left shortly after, the business card to a counselor in his left pant pocket.


	36. Dead

Sam looked out the peephole and saw Janet Fraiser standing at her front porch.   _Damn_ .  She had planned on avoiding her for at least another month.  Daniel must’ve ratted her out.  Surprisingly, she felt a bit relieved to see her here.  Hopefully, Daniel had told her everything.  It would save Sam some pain.

She leaned her forehead onto the door for a few seconds, breathing deeply and trying to compose herself before the conversation that would ensue.  She opened the door and took in Janet’s shocked expression at seeing her.  Sam knew she looked awful, especially here, at the end of the day, with no makeup on and her tank top and pajama bottoms exposing her thin flesh.  Her eyes must’ve looked pained too, because Janet had the biggest look of pity on her face.  _Crap, I can’t take her pity._ Sam huffed and stood behind the door.  She looked down and bit her bottom lip, hard.  “Jan,” she said, not looking at her.

“Oh, Sam,” Janet said, tilting her head but staying put.

“Did Daniel call you?” Sam asked, still hidden behind the door.

Janet pursed her lips and shook her head very slowly.  Sam’s eyes shot up.  _She’s seen Jack, then._   Her heart started hammering in her chest and Janet noticed.

“Can I come in, Sam?”

Shaking herself from her thoughts, Sam opened the door wide and allowed Janet to come in.  “Of course,” Sam said.  “Look, I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you.  Things have been a little, um, screwed up.”

“I’m not here for an apology.  It’s okay that you haven’t come in.  You’re a grown woman – I’m definitely not here to reprimand you, Sam,” Janet said, moving forward and making her way to the living room, since Sam seemed intent on standing in the foyer.  “I hope me showing up unannounced is ok.”

Sam followed her to the living room and they both sat down, but Sam didn’t respond.

After about five minutes of silence, Janet spoke.  “Listen, I’m here as a friend.  But I also happen to be Dr. Fraiser.  If you want, I can leave, or I can sit here and talk to you, in whatever capacity you want.”  Janet saw Sam grimace and look somewhere else.  “Would you like me to leave?”

Sam licked her lips but didn’t answer, and Janet moved to stand up.  Sam moved instantly, stopping her with a hand on Janet’s thigh.  “No!”  Sam spoke, much louder than necessary.  “Please, don’t leave.”

Janet immediately sat back down and put a hand on top of Sam’s.  “I won’t.”

Feeling uncomfortable, Sam moved her hand away and sat back against the couch, rubbing her hands against her face.  “When did you see him?”

“Today,” Janet spoke softly. 

Sam whipped her head up and stared at her.  “How is he?”

Janet looked Sam up and down, “I’d say about the same as you, Sam.  How much weight _have_ you lost?”

“Where did you see him?” Sam asked, ignoring Janet’s question.

“At my office.  He came there, very concerned about you, wanting to know how you were.”  Janet noticed how Sam was drinking in this information, any information on Jack.  “I told him right away that I couldn’t discuss you with him, and I didn’t, Sam.  Nothing that we have talked about was shared with him, I want you to know that.  But I let him talk.  He was very upset.”

Sam had turned her body towards Janet, and Janet saw the shimmer in her eyes at the revelation of Jack’s obvious emotional distress.

“How much did he tell you?” Sam asked, her voice shaky.

Janet took a deep breath.  “He said he hadn’t seen you in a month.  He seemed very distressed to hear you were dealing with all of this alone; that you hadn’t seen me since finding out.  He said that you both discovered that, um, that Jonas, Sara, and Charlie were all in the same car accident.  He mentioned something about a newspaper article that you both have, and that he gave you some space… some time to process.  He said you broke off the relationship.”

A single tear fell down Sam’s face, and she brushed it away from her face quickly.  “That about sums it up,” Sam said bitterly.  She looked back up at Janet.  “What did you tell him?”

Janet cleared her throat.  “I listened, Sam.  He’s not my patient.  I told him that I thought it was a good thing for him to respect your boundaries, that he could use this time to, um, to deal with some of the grief from Charlie’s death that this revelation probably brought up.” Another tear fell down Sam’s face, but she ignored it this time.

“He thinks I’m going to come back to him.” Sam stated.

Janet licked her lips and searched her mind for the best answer.  “What happened didn’t change his feelings for you.” Janet thought some more.  “And I don’t think that learning the connection between Jonas and Charlie means the same to him as it does to you.”

“Bullshit, Janet.” The anger was back.

“Yeah, maybe it is.  But I still think it’s –“

“I _killed_ his son!” Sam yelled, red-faced, standing up.  “However inadvertently, Charlie died because of me, because of my bastard of a husband.  Because of my sick, mucked-up relationship with him!”

Janet sat and watched Sam, listening silently to her verbal barrage. 

“I mean, how exactly are we supposed to happily move on from this?  How in the world is he ever supposed to look me in the eye and, and…” she breathed out and deflated, kicking at a toy that had been left on the floor.  “What kind of people build a relationship around this kind of foundation?”

Sam sank back onto the couch, a hand over her mouth, attempting to control her breathing.  After several minutes, she barked at Janet, “Well, aren’t you gonna say anything?”

Calmly, Janet smiled and nodded at her, “Yes.  Can I ask some questions?”

Sam nodded but kept her face downturned.

“It’s been six weeks, I guess.  Do you still love him?”

“Yes,” Sam said immediately, “that doesn’t mean anything, though.”

“Okay.  Why does it not mean anything?”  Janet asked, calmly.

“Loving him isn’t the problem.” Sam moved her legs up to the couch and hugged them to her chest.  “Loving him doesn’t mean we can be together.  Loving him doesn’t make all this mess go away.” She sighed.  “Loving him is all I have left.”

Janet furrowed her brow, trying to understand Sam’s thought process, however jumbled.  She decided to change the trajectory of the conversation.  It had to happen eventually.  “Let’s talk about Sara and Charlie, Sam.”

Sam looked at Janet, finally, and her façade broke.  Her face crumbled and she allowed herself to cry.  Janet didn’t reach for her, allowing her space and autonomy.

“We spent a long time together talking about the ‘mother and child’ that Jonas had killed in the accident,” Janet stated.  “Now the ‘mother and child’ have names.  They were Sara and Charlie.” Sam started to talk but Janet put her hand up, stopping her.  “We’ll add Jack to the conversation in a minute,” she said.  “Right now, I want to talk about Sara and Charlie.”  Janet deliberately used their names as much as she could, trying to drive the point home.

Sam nodded.  “Okay.”

“What was your reaction, what did you feel when you found out that Sara and Charlie were, in fact, the ‘mother and child?’”

Sam let out a shaky exhale, shaking her head at Janet, urging her with her body language to let the topic drop.  Janet waited patiently, watching her patient, watching her friend.  Sam’s eyes were roaming around the room, searching her brain.  Her breathing was uneven, panting and shaky. 

“I wanted to get them back for him.  I wanted to undo the accident.  I wanted them to be alive again.” Sam was raw with emotion.

Janet nodded at her.  “I don’t think I can explain how I feel, Janet.” The tears poured out from her eyes, “I’m so incredibly sorry.  I want to tell them how sorry I am, but they’re dead.  I want to tell _him_ how sorry I am.”

“Because, however inadvertently, you feel responsible for their deaths?” Janet clarified, using Sam’s own words.

“Yes,” Sam said.  “I know, I know… we’ve been through this a million times.  I know that it’s a bit irrational.  I know that he could have hit a pole, or a house, or a different car with different people in it.  I know that I didn’t force alcohol down his throat and push him into the car.” She looked up at Janet.  “I haven’t forgotten everything we’ve talked about, Jan.  And I’m not stupid.  I’m not delusional enough to really believe that I myself killed them.  But it’s so hard not to feel guilty, not to feel responsible…”  Sam wiped her face on a doll blanket she found on the floor.  “Loving Jack makes their deaths unbearable, unforgivable.”

“Ok.  What you’re saying is you understand that your feelings of guilt over Sara and Charlie dying are a bit irrational, but that it’s not something you seem to be able to overcome.  And that their deaths now seem magnified due to the fact that they are the ‘mother and child’ - that Jonas was the drunk driver who hit them.  Their deaths also seem overwhelming because you now love their father, their ex-spouse, and you feel his pain.  Is that what you’ve just told me, Sam?”  Janet asked, showing genuine concern for understanding Sam’s thought process.

Sam nodded emphatically.  “Exactly.”

Janet smiled.  “Okay.  I’m not disagreeing with you.  In fact, for now, let’s just say I have no opinion on this at all.  But, explain to me your reasoning for breaking off the relationship with Jack.”  Janet asked, trying to be professional.

Sam looked at Janet like she had grown another head.  “How could we possibly salvage anything after this?” Sam looked away again, biting down hard on her teeth.  “I’ll always love him.  But I can’t see him every day.  I can’t have him see _me_ every day.”

“Because seeing you might remind him of the accident?  Of Charlie?”  Janet tried to understand.

“Not just me, Janet.  I mean, we had been talking about getting married, for crying out loud!  My daughters - Jonas’ daughters - would have been reminders enough!”

“You’ve never called them Jonas’ daughters before,” Janet mentioned.

Sam sighed loudly.  “They are, Janet. They are _his_ daughters.”  She looked up at her and shrugged unapologetically.  “They could even grow up to look just like him.”

Janet pushed back with a knowing look.  “They look just like you, Sam, save for the hair.”

Sam ran her hands down her face and sighed again.   “He deserves an uncomplicated future.  He deserves a family with everything to give him.”

Janet waited to see if Sam would say more.  When she didn’t, Janet spoke, “Hear me out for a minute, Sam.”

Sam looked up at Janet and turned her body to face her, obediently.  “You said earlier that no one in their right mind would build a relationship on this ‘foundation.’  But I have to disagree with you.  This situation - the fact that your lives were interconnected, albeit tragically, from the beginning - is not the foundation to the relationship that you and Jack had.” Sam sat and watched Janet, listening intently.

“From everything you told me, and I know you didn’t lie to me, your relationship was founded on mutual attraction, on honesty, and on the premise that you both wanted a different future than what you both had coming for you.  The discovery that caused this break up is not the foundation of your relationship.  It certainly is a huge obstacle, and it is the cause of the current dissolution of the relationship.  But let’s both agree here that you, Sam, successfully built a relationship on trust, honesty, and love.  I won’t let you belittle that.  Few people today can achieve that at our age.”

Sam opened her mouth to speak and Janet cut her off, “And don’t you say that it worked because of him, that he did all the work.  We both know that’s not true.  You _both_ put in a lot of energy into building the foundation you had.”

Janet waited and Sam spoke, calmly.  “I agree with you.  I agree that we had a good foundation.  But this isn’t just an obstacle, Jan.  This is a freaking hurricane,” Sam sighed, “a freaking hurricane that’s destroyed the house, cracked the foundation, and killed the people.”

“You don’t look dead.” 

“Don’t I?”  Sam said sarcastically.  “I feel pretty dead.”

Janet waited a moment and was about to speak, when Sam blurted out, “I feel like a big part of me is dead.” Sam waited a moment then added, “the part of me that was free to love Jack.”

“Is it?” Janet rebuffed.

“Uh,” Sam looked away from Janet’s pitiless stare. “I… I’m.”  A deep breath and a sigh, “I’m not sure.”

Janet nodded, holding her hand to her chin.  “Maybe you should find out,” she gently encouraged.

Sam looked up at Janet, her blue eyes bluer because of the tiniest hint of moisture there.

Janet thought for a moment, deciding what else needed to be said.  “Do you remember the letter you wrote?”

Sam nodded her head.  She had written a letter, almost a year ago now, to the father of the woman who had died in the accident, asking for his forgiveness.  Sam thought back to it, realizing that Sara’s father had been the one to receive it.  “I took it to the police station, gave the accident case number, and asked them to forward it to her father.”

“Right.  You remember how healing that was?  That the simple fact of asking for forgiveness, and the gesture or writing a letter seemed to lift some of your, um, burden, for lack of a better word?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“You’re the one that came up with that idea, remember?”

“You’re the one that made me think about it so damn much.” Sam shot back, and they both grinned.

“Yeah, ok,” Janet said.  “What if I asked you to think of a way, a gesture, something you could do for Jack, to show him how sorry you are, to ask for his forgiveness?”

“I don’t know what that would be.  Besides asking, which I’ve already done.”

After a few moments, Janet spoke again.  “Ok, well… good.  So maybe asking can be good enough for now.”

Sam sighed and scooted closer to her friend, laying her head gently on Janet’s shoulder.  One of the things she had lost was the abundance of human touch.  Adult human touch.  It made a difference.

“Sam?”  Janet said.

“Yeah?”

“I know you love him, and I know this is hard, but do you still want to be with him? Do you still want that relationship?”

Janet could hear Sam’s breathing, could practically hear her thinking.  “Because things don’t have to be so cut and dried.  You can still tell him that you need space, but still talk to him, still interact with him.  If you decide that it really won’t work, then you can move on.  But it’s okay to make a choice to speak to him.”

After a while, Sam picked her head up, looked at Janet in the eyes and said, “No, Janet.  This is the way it has to be.  I can’t hurt him anymore than I already have.  He’s so handsome, and so successful, he’ll find someone soon.  I know he will.” After a moment, she added, “I didn’t reach this decision lightly.  I thought about it a lot.  I think it’s the right thing to do.”

“The right thing for whom?” Janet asked, but Sam never answered.

Swallowing hard, Janet nodded.  “Okay, Sam.” Janet felt like she had said enough that might encourage Sam to rethink the issue.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, until Janet asked, “What’s the hardest part about right now?”

“Sleeping,” Sam answered almost immediately.

“Oh? You miss having him next to you?” Janet asked.

Sam looked at her and frowned.  “No, that’s not it.” She shook her head.  “We weren’t living together.  He’d spend the night occasionally, but he’d always leave really early before the girls got up.  It was nice having him there, yeah, but that’s not what I meant.”  She cleared her throat, “I meant that I literally can’t sleep.”

Janet could tell.  Sam truly looked ill, her skin pallid and huge dark circles under her eyes.  “When I lie down at the end of the day, I’m so tired… exhausted, even, but I can’t…” – she had to stop at the sudden lump at her throat.

“You can’t stop thinking about the situation?”  Janet suggested.

Sam shrugged.  _Not exactly._ Deep breath.  “I can’t stop thinking about _him._ ”

Janet nodded silently.

“It’s an actual physical pain, in my chest.  It’s so tight, so painful, almost like a heart attack.  I do pretty well during the day, I guess ‘cause I can stay busy with the girls and with work.  But at night, when it’s just me and no one to talk to, no one to look at… well, I just miss him so much.”  She sighed.  “It’ll get better with time.  I’ll get over all this in time.”

Janet didn’t want to say much else, feeling that the current conversation already accomplished much for Sam’s progress.  “You know, Sam.  I can help with the sleeping thing.  I can help with some of the other stuff too.”

Sam nodded.

“Will you come back to the office?”

Sam pursed her lips.  “Eventually.  Right now I’m trying to take it one day at a time, Jan.”

Janet nodded.  “Okay.  I can deal with that.”

Before Janet left that night, she told Sam about some medications that she thought could aid her in her current situation, to help her sleep and help her during this depressed state.  After Janet left, Sam threw her list of meds in the trash, and lay awake in bed, weeping over what could have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all that have left feedback. It really does make a difference.
> 
> SAM-JACK ALWAYS has been a huge help fixing typos and sentence structure... and making sure the writing is grammatically sound. Any remaining errors are mine.
> 
> You can come gab with me about Sam and Jack on twitter! (at txwebbo) I also recommend following (at samandjackaward) for Sam/Jack fic, video, and art news.


	37. S.O.S.

Jack heard the ringing, but he couldn’t understand why there was ringing going on in his poker game.  Teal’c was going ‘all in’ against Mr. Burns, and Homer was simply not happy about it.  Blinking his eyes open, Jack realized he had been dreaming, and that his cell phone was ringing.  He looked up at the clock on the bedside table.  It was 3:02 in the morning.  He wasn’t on-call tonight, but it was not uncommon for him to be called in when the evening piled up with emergencies.  Picking up the phone, he saw Sam’s name on the screen, and immediately panicked.  He hadn’t heard from her in two months, something was either very wrong, or finally, very right.  He picked up.  “Sam?”

“Jack!  It’s Sophie.  She, she...”

 _Very wrong, then._ “Sam?  What’s wrong with her?” Jack was already out of bed and reaching for his pants.

“She’s sick.  She’s coughing and she can’t breathe!  I don’t know what to do!” Sam sounded hysterical.

“Okay, Sam.  Calm down.”  He tried.

“Jack!  She’s wheezing.  She’s coughing.  She coughed so much she threw up.  She’s taking in huge gulps of air when she can.  What do I do?”  Jack could hear Sam’s desperation, her strain.  He slipped his feet into the first pair of shoes he could find.

“Take her to the bathroom.  Turn the bath water on as hot as you can and sit with her in the steam.”

“Okay!” He could hear her tears.

“Close the door to the bathroom so the steam stays in the room.”  He said and tried to listen, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He was grabbing supplies from a closet in his house.

“Sam?” He said loudly into the phone piece, when she didn’t respond.

“I’m here.  I’m getting her.  Just… hurry.”

“I will.  Sam, listen!” He spoke into the phone.

“I’m here.”

“You have to calm down.  She’s watching you and your reaction.  Sit with her and be calm.  Tell her everything will be okay.  Encourage her to breathe when you breathe.”

“Okay.”  She said, and he could hear her turning the water on.

“If she sees you freaking out, she’s gonna freak out too.”

“Jack!”

“Tell her I’m coming,” he said, unlocking the door to his car.

“I will.”

“Bye, Sam.”

“Bye.”  She said, and hung up. 

He sped through town.  He dialed the pharmacy and requested the prescription.  On the phone, he described the emergency and how he was an on-call physician, and the pharmacist said they would have it ready at the drive-through window within five minutes.  He made it there in four and waited as they quickly rushed him the bag of medicines and swiped his credit card in record time. 

It was another six minutes’ drive to Sam’s house.  Jack was sweating and cursing as he sped through the stop signs leading to her house.  His tires screeched as he pulled in and parked.    He rushed to the front door, going for the lock with his keys.  In his hurry, he fumbled with the key and packages he carried and the keys fell to the floor.  Cursing, he bent to retrieve them and then quickly put the right key to the lock.  Opening the door, he called out: 

“Sam!  I’m here.” He didn’t want to startle her.

Walking quickly through the foyer and living room, he made his way to the hallway where the bedrooms and girls’ bathroom were.  The first room down the hall belonged to the girls, and as soon as he entered the hallway, he saw Emma standing in her doorway, startled and worried.

“Hi, Em,” Jack said, stooping down to her level.  God, he missed her.

“Mommy needs you, Jack,” she said in a shaky voice, “something’s wrong with Sophie.”

“I’m here, baby.  You go on back to bed.”  He said, picking her up and carrying her to the bed he knew was hers.  “Sophie’s going to be just fine.” He kissed her on the head and headed for the bathroom.

The door was closed and Jack could see the light spilling into the dark hallway from under the door.  Opening it, he walked in and froze.  The bathroom was full of steam but devoid of Sam or Sophie.  He could hear the shower and see the water spraying onto the bathroom floor.  Sam’s blue pajama pants, her favorite, he knew, were in a pile by the wet floor.

“Sam?” he called out.

“Jack?” he heard, and turned immediately to the bathtub.  Moving the shower curtain aside, he found Sam, sitting on the bathtub floor, cradling Sophie on her lap like a mother does an infant, two green towels wrapped around Sophie’s shoulders.  Tears were streaming down Sam’s face, and Jack could see she had a death grip on Sophie’s little body.  He had not seen her in over two months, and to see her now, like this, undid him in so many ways.

Jack moved quickly toward them, kneeling on the hard, wet tile and moving the hair away from Sophie’s face.  He checked her pulse and watched her torso to count her breathing.  It was labored and her pulse was fast.  Just as he removed his hands, Sophie started coughing and Jack could hear the deep bark.  Sam made shushing noises and rubbed her back.  Jack reached for the faucet and turned the water off.  Reaching into his bag, he pulled out his stethoscope and put the earpieces to his ears.   He brought the chest piece to Sophie’s front and listened as she breathed, then coughed.

Jack pulled back and put his stethoscope away.  Getting up, he picked up all the packages he had brought in and made his way out of the bathroom.  Sam followed him with her eyes but didn’t ask any questions.  A moment later he was back, and he moved to lift Sophie from Sam’s arms, but she tightened her hold on the child.

“Sam,” Jack said, “Let me take her.  It’s okay.”

She nodded and let go of her hold on Sophie.  Jack gently lifted the child from Sam and made his way to the door. There, he paused and turned to Sam.  “Come on, she’s gonna want you.”

Snapping out of her daze, she quickly got up and followed him out of the bathroom.  He had made it into her bedroom, and was sitting with Sophie on her bed, stripping her of her damp clothing.

“Sam, go get her some clean pajamas,” he said calmly, running the towel down Sophie’s back and drying her off.  When Jack looked up and saw Sam frozen in place, he spoke up in a command tone, “Sam!  I need you to go and get Sophie some pajamas.  Right now.”

She turned immediately and went down the hall.  When she returned, she saw Sophie propped up on two pillows on Sam’s bed, and Jack connecting a machine to an outlet on her wall.  She made her way to Sophie and began dressing her. 

“What is that?” she asked Jack.

“It’s a nebulizer.” He looked back at her. “Sam,” he made a motion up and down her body, “you need to get dressed too.”

Looking down at herself, Sam realized she was in a pair of tank-top and panties.  A very wet pair of tank-top and panties.  She had forgotten that in her haste to get Sophie into the steam, she had quickly shed her pants and sat on the cold tub floor so that Sophie wouldn’t have to.  The steam and sprays of water had gotten her completely soaked.  Looking back up at him, Sam’s face and body were flushed with embarrassment, and she quickly moved to her drawer to retrieve some clean pajamas.  She moved to her bathroom to change and caught the slight quirk of his lips.  _Nothing he hasn’t seen,_ she thought to herself. 

When she came back out, he was opening a package from the pharmacy and getting out a clear vial from a foil pouch.  “A nebulizer vaporizes the medicine so that it goes directly into the lungs,” he explained. Twisting the vial open, he poured the liquid into a cup attached to a mouthpiece.  “It was good that she threw up.  She probably expelled a lot of mucus.” Turning the machine on, he put the mouthpiece towards Sophie’s mouth and encouraged her to breathe normally.  Sophie’s eyes widened, but then was distracted by the smoke-like vapors coming from the other end of the tube.  Jack sat next to her and talked softly to her, running his hands down her hair and occasionally checking her pulse on her wrist.

Sam watched them, sitting on the end of the bed, praying for Sophie’s recovery.  The machine looked older, the edges of the white plastic had begun to turn yellow, and from her spot on the bed Sam could make out the yellowed words on a label, near the bottom of the front, “Charlie O’Neill.”  Sam closed her eyes.  _Oh, Jack._ She ducked her head and put her hand over her mouth.  This was his son’s.  The son she had taken away from him.  The son Jonas had killed with his drunken godliness.  She tried to breathe deeply and school her features.  The little machine was just another reminder of how unworthy she was to even be near this man.  She had taken his son from him.  

Sam had no illusions as to how misguided her thinking was.  _Well…_   She was just so good at this defacing, destructive behavior, she wondered if one day the people that still cared for her would finally stop calling her on it.  _It’ll be too late then…_ She looked Jack over as he cared for Sophie.  She had missed his face, his body, his smell.  She traced his facial features with her eyes and something crashed in the pit of her stomach.  She loved him so much, too much.  She wanted to give him the world, yet she felt that she could give him nothing.

Soon the vapors from the machine died down, and Jack turned it off.  Moving to stand, Jack grabbed for his bag and Sam made her way to Sophie, sitting next to her on the opposite side of Jack.  He listened to her breathing for several more minutes, then opened another white package from the pharmacy.  It was a syrup bottle, and Jack opened the dropper and twisted the top of the bottle off.  Measuring the correct amount onto the dropper, he brought it to Sophie’s lips.

“Have some of this, Sweetheart.”  Sophie took the medicine without complaint.

“She can go back to sleep now, Sam.  She’s going to be fine.”  He looked from mother to daughter and could see Sam’s shoulder deflate, the desperation receding into plain old worry.  “I’ll let you put her to bed.  I’ll be out in the kitchen when you’re done,” he said, and kissing Sophie on the head, moved out of Sam’s bedroom.

sSsSsSsSs

Sam walked into the kitchen where Jack was, sitting at the kitchen table.  For the first time, she noticed he was wearing sweat pants and two different shoes.  And he looked very tired.

She walked up to him and he looked at her, his body stiffening.  “Thank you for coming.”

He nodded.  “Thank you for calling me.”

She walked over and sat down, near him.

“When did her symptoms start?” Jack asked her, his voice rough.

“A couple of days ago,” she answered looking down.

He looked up at her with an intense face.  “With the coughing?”

She didn’t react well to his accusatory glance. “They both had symptoms of a common cold.”  Her tone had dropped and hardened.

Jack bit his lip, tilting his face.  The girls weren’t his, but he loved them and seeing Sophie’s condition had affected him greatly. “Why didn’t you bring her in today? It could’ve been worse, Sam.”

Exasperated, Sam replied, “I did!  I took her in, ok?  She saw a doctor, dammit.”

“What?” Jack barked.

“Dr. Vaugh!  I took her to a Dr. Vaugh on Union Boulevard.” He looked like she had slapped him.

“You took them somewhere else?” Jack could not hold back the animosity in his tone.

“Yes, ok?” Sam stood up.  “He said they just had a viral thing.  That it would get better with time…”  She ran her hands through her hair.

His expression changed.  His eyes went from shock to bitterness.  Turning from her, he rummaged through her desk looking for paper and a pen, and started jotting something down.

“What are you doing?” she asked nervously.

He thrust the paper into her hands and walked towards the door.  “Don’t take them back to that idiot.  If you won’t bring them to me anymore then take them there.”  Sam looked at the paper, the name and number of a doctor were written in his physician’s scrawl.  “He’s the best in town.”

She made a humorless laugh. “You’re the best in town and you know it.”

He looked back into her eyes, dark with fury.  “Take them there.” He commanded her.   “I’ve called in another prescription for Soph.  Pick it up in the morning and give it to her twice a day for ten days.  I put the vials in the fridge.  Do a breathing treatment every 8 hours.”  He finished his sentence and left, slamming the front door behind himself.

Sam watched him leave from her spot at the kitchen and heard the door slam shut.  Backing up until her body hit the wall, Sam sank to the floor and wept.


	38. Watershed

After Jack had left, Sam had grabbed a pillow and a blanket and curled onto the floor next to Sophie’s bed, listening to her soft breathing, her occasional coughs, assuring herself that her child would be ok.  Sam used her time on the floor to play back through her mind the months that had passed, reliving conversations, rehashing her argument for her breakup with Jack.  She sighed as she realized how immature she had been in her decision to take the twins to a different pediatrician.  She trusted Jack implicitly, and she knew her best option would have been to either continue the girls in his care, or at the very least seen a different provider within the same clinic.  But, it had been her fear.  _Damn coward,_ she accused herself as she wiped more tears from her face.  The moment she had said Dr. Vaugh’s name flashed through her mind, and Sam shut her eyes at the memory of Jack’s face.  His hurt, his disappointment… his heart breaking.  Jack loved her kids, had loved them from the very beginning, and Sam realized now that not only had she taken Charlie from him through Jonas, but she had taken Emma and Sophie from him by her own selfishness and guilt.  And even worse, she had taken Jack from the girls.  Their chance to have a father, a man who loved them and cherished any time he spent with them, who knew them so well and was so capable of providing them with a well-rounded upbringing.  _Idiot!  Fool!_

She curled tighter into a fetal position, crying and missing Jack so much she almost cried out until she remembered where she was.  Her conversation with Janet rushed over her; her analysis of her relationship with Jack, their foundation, their love.  Could she really talk to him? Seeing him tonight had done things to her.  His face, his presence, the way he drank her in as she stood there in her wet underwear.  God, she loved him.  For the first time, it seemed, Sam questioned her decision.  She let her mind wander, imagining whether she could still have a future with Jack, imagining a life she had dreamed of for the past year with him.  The two months without him had been so hard, harder than she could have possibly imagined.  She was in deep and she knew it.  Would he even be open to that conversation, after she crushed his heart so many times?  Tonight was only the most recent.  _Oh, God._

Sam had a watershed moment.

sSsSsSsSs

Four days after the ordeal with Sophie, Sam walked up to the front desk at Jack’s Pediatric Clinic.  The redhead receptionist, the same one whom Sam had snipped at during her first visit, smiled politely and told Sam she could go on in, that Dr. O’Neill was done with his afternoon appointments, and was in his office.  Sam remembered that the office staff knew about their relationship because Jack had brought Sam to the clinic’s staff Christmas party.  It had been interesting, a bit uncomfortable, yet Sam remembered the feeling of pride and contentment, at being introduced as his date, his _girlfriend_.  She had loved that feeling, the feeling of belonging with him, and she missed it.

Head up, Sam walked determinedly to his office, which was in the back of the long hallway, her jacket clutched around her forearm towards her upper body.   As she passed familiar faces, she nodded but continued on her way.  The hallway split in two, and his office was down the hallway on the right, to the very back.  Getting closer, she slowed down as she heard voices coming from within his open office.  _He’s with a patient,_ she concluded.  Occasionally he had patients in his office when the child was very ill or during a new patient-doctor interview. 

But coming closer, she heard the distinct sound of a woman’s laughter, followed by Jack’s own chuckle. Changing the angle of where she was on the wall, she could see into the office.  A curly-haired brunette wearing a hot pink shirt and a lot of cleavage was behind Jack, who was sitting at his desk.  She was leaning over Jack’s shoulder, her hand planted on his desk, both looking at a patient’s folder; Sam was sure neither were paying attention to it.  Jack smiled at something the woman had said, and Sam’s stomach dropped.  Her breathing stopped and her mouth fell open.  _I’m too late._

And then the couple inside the office shifted, standing and moving together closer to the door.  Sam’s eyes burned and she immediately stepped back, plastering herself against the hallway wall, trying to remain unseen.  She closed her eyes and planned her escape, but now she could hear their conversation, and oh, the brunette was thanking him for taking her to such and such restaurant last week and wondering if he wanted to join her tonight for drinks.   Sam’s hand automatically went to her mouth to hold back a gasp.  Turning quickly, she made her way down the hallway, her eyes very close to shedding their moisture.

But Sam’s luck had run out, for at that moment, Nurse Nancy walked right by her going down the hall towards’ Jack’s office.  In a chipper voice, she said loudly, “Hi, Ms. Hanson!  Good to see you around here!”

Sam took off down the hall, ignoring Nurse Nancy and almost crashing into a young mother and her baby buggy.  “I’m sorry,” Sam said, “excuse me.”  Sam kept walking as fast as she could, her goal in sight, but she suddenly heard Jack’s voice near her.  How had he caught up so quickly?

“Sam!”

She stopped.  She knew she couldn’t run.  Not here, at his office.  It was too public.  She turned and looked down.  She didn’t want him to see how crushed she was.  But of course he noticed, immediately.  He grabbed her arm and shoved her inside the nearest empty room he could find.

Inside, she moved her arm violently to loosen his hold of her and quickly turned around to face a wall, to face any wall but him. 

“Sam,” he said again to her.

She took a breath.  “Please, let me leave,” she spoke, her voice shaky.

“Sam, no.  What’s wrong? Is it Soph?  Is she okay?”  He sounded very concerned.

Still looking away, she took a deep breath.  “Sophie’s fine.” He could see she was slightly shaking.  He reached for her but she flinched.

“Sam!”

“Who was that?” She got out, still facing the wall.

“Who?”

She turned to face him now, her face red and two clear streaks down each eye.  The sadness was mixed with anger and Jack knew he had to handle this as delicately as possible.

“The woman in my office?”

Sam closed her eyes and nodded.

“Kerry Johnson.”

Sam realized she didn’t actually care who the woman was.  “You were flirting,” she said, flatly.

Jack looked at her like he could not believe what she was saying.  He held both his hands out in a shrug as if he wanted to say, “so what?”

Instead, he said.  “Sam, we were not flirting,”

“Huh!”  The sound was throaty and awkward and Sam didn’t care. He should have been angry, but he sounded deflated and that surprised Sam.

“She’s new.  She’s a nurse practitioner we had to hire to help cover Dr. Ketter’s patients.  I’ve been helping her get to know the ropes.  That’s _all_.”

“At dinner? You need to teach her the ropes during dinner?  At the place we had our first date?  What, is that the ‘first date restaurant’ for you?” She couldn’t hide the bitterness in her tone, even though the sentence had been merely whispered. 

“Sam, it’s not like that.  Believe me, please.  She’s from D.C.  This job is temporary.”

“Oh?  Do nurses not wear scrubs in D.C.?” Whoops, she meant just to say that in her head.

Jack ignored that comment.  “She doesn’t know the town.  She asked if I’d recommend a good restaurant.  When I did, she asked me to join her.  I didn’t think anything of it.”

“Haumgh,” Sam made a laugh and a snort and looked disbelievingly his way.   “Jack, don’t pretend to be stupid.  It doesn’t suit you.”

He sighed.  “What do you want me to say, Sam?  Why do you care anyway?  Why does it matter?  You’ve made it pretty clear that it’s over!” He was trying to keep his emotions in check by clenching his jaw. “What, am I to spend the rest of my life not going to dinner?  Not having any friends?  Is that what you want?”

Snapping out of her ire, she turned her eyes and looked at him.  Changing her tune, she said: “You’re right.  It’s none of my business whom you have dinner with.  I’m sorry I interrupted your day.” She said icily, and moved to open the door but he intercepted her with a hand at the door.

“Sam, please, we have to talk.”  The tenderness in his speech was back.

“Don’t,” Sam said in a broken voice.  She swallowed and waited for her composure to return.  “Please.” She took shallow breaths, “Please, Jack.  Let me go.”

“Okay.”  He stepped away from the door.

She let out a large breath and took a moment to wipe at her face.  Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door and left the room.


	39. Climax

Jack drove home from work in a state of turmoil.  Seeing Sam at the office had made hope bubble in his chest.  After having rescued Sophie, Jack had felt crushed and betrayed, like Sam had cheated on him by using another pediatrician, like she had crossed a line that one simply didn’t cross.  Before that night, he had felt extreme compassion for Sam and her reaction to the situation.  But after that night, Jack had felt anger at her actions, and extreme grief over the girls.  For the first time, Jack truly believed their situation was hopeless; that he and Sam would never reconcile.  It had been a final blow.

But then she had turned up at his office… and something had happened.  He could tell she had felt more than jealously.  It had been hurt.  _The same hurt I felt the other night with Sophie,_ Jack thought.  He wanted to drive over to her house and really have it out with her.  If this was truly the end, let them end it for good.   _But if she could just tell me what she had been there for…_

Feeling conflicted, Jack found himself driving home, and as he made the quick turn into his driveway, he had to slam on the brakes, hard.  Sam’s SUV was parked in the driveway, and Jack had nearly hit it in his haste to park and get out of his truck.  Maneuvering his car towards the left, he parked and looked towards his house.  Sam was sitting on the upper steps of his stone porch, looking straight at him from her awkward location.  He saw her swallow and clasp her hands in front of herself.  He swallowed too. 

He killed the engine and hopped out of the car, pausing and looking at the house again, making sure he hadn’t just imagined her presence there.  Confirming that it wasn’t a mirage, he closed the car door and walked up to where she was.  He expected her to stand up, but she remained unmoved, save for her face, which followed him as he walked.   He stopped when he was directly in front of her, but still about five feet away.

“Hi,” he said tentatively.

“Hi,” Sam replied, eyes locked with his.

“I’m sorry about the office,” Jack said, softly.

Sam shook her head and remained sitting on the front steps.  “I shouldn’t have gone there.  I shouldn’t have gone to your work.  It’s my fault.”

He pursed his lips, unsure of what was happening.  “You wanna come inside?”  He gestured with the hand that still held his keys.

“No,” she answered quickly.  Too quickly.  Inside had too many memories.  Usually when they were alone at his house, they were shedding clothing, quickly.  She didn’t want to go inside.

“Okay.  This is fine.”  He walked up and sat down next to her on the stone step.

She didn’t say anything, just chewed on the skin on the inside of her cheek and stared at a spot near her foot.

“Why did you come to the office?” Jack asked.  He really needed to know.

She tilted her head to the side but didn’t answer.  He waited a while.  When she still didn’t speak he reached for a piece of tall grass and plucked it into his hands.

“Where are the girls anyway?”

She moistened her lips before answering.  “At home.  Karen’s here.”

Jack looked at her.  “Karen? Your sister-in-law?”

“Yes.  I asked her to come,” Sam answered, glancing his way.

“Oh?”

“I needed her… needed someone to talk to…. needed a favor,” she said, looking away again.

“You still not talking to Janet?” Jack asked.

She shrugged.  “It’s weird.  That friendship is weird now.  I went in once, a few weeks ago.  It didn’t help much.”

He nodded.  “Okay.  Well, I’m glad you have Karen.  I’m glad you called her,” Jack said, honestly.

She looked up at him, finally.  “I came to apologize...  at the office.”

He raised his eyebrows.

She searched his face, their eyes locking.  “I’m sorry I took the girls to Dr. Vaugh.  It was a petty thing to do.  It was a chicken thing to do.  I know that.  And I know it hurt you.  I’m sorry.”

He stared intensely at her.  “Thank you.”  When she broke their eye lock, he added, “it’s okay, Sam.”

“No, it’s not.  I don’t know what I would’ve done had you not come that night.  If anything had happened to Soph because of my, my—”

“Sam, nothing happened.  I was there.  I’m here now.” Jack turned his body to face her.

She pulled her lips together into a straight line and nodded.  She couldn’t understand how he could still be speaking so tenderly to her, after all she had done.

“They miss you,” she said suddenly.

Jack stopped breathing.  “The girls?”

She nodded again.

“I miss them.  A lot.  So much it hurts,” Jack confessed, turning back towards the blades of grass.

“They keep asking me where you are.  They want to see you.”  It was merely whispered.

He put his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes.  The tightness in his chest seemed to grow at her words.  He didn’t know why she had come.  Why she was telling him these things, tormenting him.  He could only wait and listen and hope.  His anger at her behavior had begun dissipating as they sat here, in close proximity, and seeing her at his office today had begun to melt his embittered heart.  Indeed, his heart belonged to this woman.  He wanted to ask what she had told the girls about his absence, but he frankly didn’t want to know the answer.

He moved his hand from his mouth.  “Do Mark and Karen know?”

“About?” She prompted him, playing dumb.

He frowned at her game.  “Everything.  The truth about the accident.  Us not being, um…”  

“Yes.”

“Everything?”

“Yes.  Karen drug it out of me… on the phone a few weeks ago.  She calls me often.  She could tell.  She knew I wasn’t well.  She wanted to come then.  Her mom lives near her and can keep the kids, but I told her no.  I wasn’t ready then.”

“What did Mark say?”

She shrugged her shoulders.  “Typical Mark,” she sighed, “he wants me to move to California.”

“Do _you_ want to move to California?”  He asked calmly, though he was burning on the inside.

“No.”  She answered immediately.  But before Jack could celebrate, she added, “One of the reasons Karen is here,” she paused, licking her lips, “she came to watch the girls for me.”

He looked her way, prompting her to finish.

“I flew to Washington D.C. yesterday.  Just for the day,” she revealed, watching him for a reaction. 

“Why?” He asked, fearing the answer.

She swallowed.  “I interviewed for a position at the Department of Aerospace Research.  This guy up there, Dr. Hersfield, had read that paper I published before Christmas, on the Theory on Spin-wave technology and—”

“And the effects of antigravity on electromagnetism,” he finished for her.

She looked at him with a shocked expression.  “You read it?”

He sighed and moved his hand through his five-o’clock stubble.  “Of course I read it, Carter.  You spent six months in your garage running experiments while the girls napped.  You wrote and rewrote that thing ‘till it was practically perfect.  And it was,” he said, “it _was_ perfect.”

She seemed to deflate at his confession.

“And they offered you the job on the spot, I’m assuming.”

She nodded.  “It would be entry-level research, with potential for a lot more.”

“Full-time?”  He asked her.

“Full-time.” She answered, knowing he was thinking of the girls.

“Are you going to take it?” _Please don’t take it_ , he thought, at the same time cursing himself for having the thought.  She deserved it.

She cleared her throat.  “I don’t know.  I don’t want to move.  I wanted to be home with the girls ‘till they go to school.” She let out a shaky breath and hugged herself.  “I also can’t seem to visualize a life away from you.”  It was a whisper, but he heard it.

He let out a relieved sigh.  “Two months ago you said we were through.  You said you couldn’t live with the fact that—” he ground his teeth together, “with what Jonas had taken from me.”

She nodded. 

“Do you still think that?”

Sam didn’t answer.  Her teeth met together in a snap as she took in a large breath.  “I wasn’t expecting to see a woman in your office today,” she said, changing the subject. 

Jack immediately started speaking.  “Sam, she’s not—”

“Let me speak, please,” Sam interrupted him, pleading.

He snapped his mouth closed and waited.

“I ended things.  I know that.  So even if you were intentionally flirting with that woman you would’ve been—” 

She had to stop and run a hand down her face.  “Gosh,” she exhaled.

He didn’t dare interrupt her again, just sat and watched her work through the confusion in her head.  “I just wasn’t prepared for what I felt when I saw that.” She pulled her hand down and rested it back on her thigh, “and whatever you say about how innocent your relationship with her may be, that woman was all over you.”

“I know.  I realize that now… ”  He said waving a hand at a neighbor who pulled in at a driveway next door.  “What did you feel?

A moment passed before she answered.  “Like I couldn’t breathe, like someone had literally taken all the oxygen from the room and then punched me in the gut just to make sure I wouldn’t recover.”  She ducked her head and put both hands on her face covering her eyes, “I wanted to strangle her.  I wanted to rip her hair out.  I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself in it.  It was physical pain.”

He finally looked her way.  “Wow.  Those are a lot of emotions.”

“It hit me like a bullet; that at that moment you weren’t mine anymore, that I had no claim on you, that I had ended my chance at happiness with you.” She exhaled and ploughed through, “I realized at that moment that, at some point through all this, I had stopped living my life…” She closed her eyes and added, “I realized the other night how completely wrong I’ve been.”

They were silent for a long moment.  Jack was internally celebrating at her words, but being cautious to let her talk.  The air was chilly and Sam started to hug herself to stay warm.

“You know we’re not through.  It doesn’t matter if you ended it or not.  Not to me, anyway.” He said to her.

She didn’t answer but Jack could hear her teeth chattering.  She was freezing.  It was the end of March, but the weather was still biting.

Jack stood up.  “Come on, Sam.  You’re freezing and my knees can’t take this step anymore.  Let’s go inside.”

She looked back towards the door where he stood but didn’t move.  “I always end up naked in your house.” She said quietly, staying put.

He let out a breath.  “You don’t _always_ end up naked.”

She gave him the look.  It was the look that made his toes curl. 

“I promise not to rip your clothes off.” He said with a smile, even as his toes twisted in his shoes . “Ok? Come on.”

She half grinned, got up, and followed him inside.

sSsSsSsSs

Inside the house, they moved down to the sunken living room.  Deciding where to sit, she veered away from the couch, where they had found themselves months ago, clutching that damn article in their hands.  She sat on the large armchair by the back window.  He was still standing awkwardly about.

“Well, you’ve been trying to get a hold of me for more than a month.  I’m here… talk.” Sam said, waving her arms about.

“Will you talk too?” he asked, moving to sit opposite her on the couch.

“I’ve said plenty already,” she chanced, but when she saw his face, she added, “yes, I’ll talk.”

Jack gave himself a moment.  What was it that he really wanted to tell her?  Well, everything. 

“First off, Kerry Johnson means nothing to me,” he said, spreading his hands wide in front of himself.  “After you left the office, I tried to think back on what you might have overheard or seen, and I recognize that it probably didn’t look good.” He sighed.  She was listening and watching him, but her head was tilted down, her eyes covered slightly by her overgrown bangs.

“Thinking back over the whole situation, I can tell you that she’s been very aggressive in her, um, flirting.”  Sam was grinding her teeth together, he could tell.  “I should never have gone to dinner with her.  I knew, in the back of my mind, what she wanted.  I’m sorry.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Jack.  We weren’t, _aren’t_ together anymore.”  She said, shrugging her shoulders in defeat.

“Is that really what you think?” He asked her, frowning.

She sagged, “I don’t know what to think anymore.  I knew I couldn’t stop loving you… but I tried to stop thinking about you, to stop wanting you, to stop needing you…”

“How did that work out for you?” He asked, bitterly, and saw her flinch.

“How do you think?” she responded sharply, staring him straight in the eyes.

After a beat, he said, seriously, “you look like hell.”  She was wearing her tight jeans, the ones Jack loved, and they were so loose on her he could barely make out her shape.

“Yeah, you look worse,” she spat back.  “Has Teal’c seen you like this?”

“Yeah, he’s been around.”  Jack sighed.  This was going nowhere.  “What did Janet say?”

Sam rolled her eyes.  “Right now, Janet’s being a shrink.  She recommended prescribed medication.  She says I have depression symptoms and that I have to find a way to gain the weight back and sleep more.”  She moved her head back and forth, working kinks out of her neck.  It was incredible how just talking to this man eased some of her tension.

“Are you taking the meds she gave you?” he asked her.

She shook her head.  “She’s not a psychiatrist.  She gave me a letter to my physician outlining her suggestion.  I haven’t made an appointment.”

“There’s nothing wrong with depression meds, Sam,” he said.

“Says the man who’s never even been to a mental health professional and--”

“And what?” he stood up.  “And needs to, ‘cause not only did his son die, his girlfriend dumped him for feeling responsible for his death?”

She closed her eyes and sucked her bottom lip into her mouth.  “This is exactly what I’m talking about.”

“What, Sam?  What are you talking about?  The fact that this is real?  That we met and fell in love and then, _afterwards,_ found out how jacked up our situation is?  Come on!  Everyone’s life is like this!  Nobody, you can ask anyone out there – no one lives in perfect circumstances.  It doesn’t exist,” he crouched down next to her by her chair, “‘the grass is always greener on someone else’s yard’ doesn’t exist, Sam.  Everyone has freakin’ weeds!  We have to choose to… to enjoy the grass while it’s still green and pick the weeds by the roots whenever they get too bad!”  He ran a hand down his face.  “Shit, that doesn’t even make any sense.”

Sam looked at Jack, kneeling down in front of her, eyes and mouth and body pleading with her, making up brilliant relationship metaphors for her.  He opened his mouth again, but stopped.  She could see him thinking again.  When he spoke, he looked right at her.  “After you left the clinic today, Kerry Johnson came back into my office, asking me who you were.”

Sam’s eyes became huge.  What was Jack about to confess?  “What did you tell her?”

“I told her that you were the love of my life.”

Sam pulled her hand up to cover her mouth and hide her gasp.  She tried moving her eyes around the room to clear them of the moisture.  She stood up, uncomfortable.  She made her way to his fireplace, and turned towards him.  “Don’t you think you’ll resent me?” She saw him shake his head.  “Not now, not tomorrow, but someday.  When Charlie’s birthday comes around, or when you stumble upon another picture…” she looked away, towards the fireplace, where the picture of Charlie sat.  “In ten years, when I don’t look like this and all the romance, and newness, and heat have passed… you may feel differently.”

“You think that little of me?” Jack said from the floor, his tone flat.

Sam sighed but didn’t turn around.  “And what about the girls?  What do we tell them?” she looked back at him, complete confusion on her face.  “They are _his_ daughters, Jack.  Can you live with that?”

“I don’t know how to answer any of that, Sam.  I don’t know how I’ll feel when it’s Christmas, or Charlie’s birthday, or when April 5th comes around again.  I don’t know what we’ll tell the girls, but I do know that I love them… love them as if they were my own.  It doesn’t matter to me that Jo-” he stumbled on the name, “that Jonas was their father.” He sighed and she saw his tension and sadness. 

“Emma and Sophie are _your_ daughters.  You’ve raised them.  They are a part of you.  In the time we’ve spent apart I thought a lot about this, about _all_ of this.  I,” he paused, licking his lips.  “The image I had of Jonas, was already a negative one in my head; he was the man who broke you.” Jack ran a hand over the back of his neck, trying to make sense with his words.  “And the man that killed Charlie… he was a nameless drunk responsible for the car accident.” Jack saw Sam stiffen but continued, knowing they had to talk about this.  “But I never knew anything else about him.  I never asked if he had left a family behind.  I never even thought of him as a person who would have a family.  I was left with my own grief and anger.  To know that you… _you_ , Sam, was the one left behind after the accident, that the girls…”

He exhaled and stood up.  “I don’t have answers.  And, yeah, I was ready to give you up a few days ago, but…”

The moment stretched.  They were both raw and lost.  He moved closer to her, a gesture full of meaning, and she met his eyes.  “What is it that you want, Jack?” she asked in a broken voice.

He took a slight step back, eyes blazing at her.  “What do you mean, ‘what do you want?’ I want you!  I want the girls!  I want all of it!  Forever!” He took two steps and walked right into her personal space, “I want to marry you, Sam.  I want to come home to you, I want to make you happy, provide for you, wake up next to you every single day for the rest of my damn life.  I want to be Emma and Sophie’s father.  I want us to be a family.  I want to—”

“Okay!” she shouted, stopping him.

“What?” Jack moved his head, confused.

“I said _okay_!” Sam repeated, looking him in the eyes.

“Carter, are you messin’ with me?  ‘Cause if you—”

She kissed him, then.  Hard. There was so much force he was sure she had bruised him.  He kissed her back, his fingers threading through her hair and pulling her to him.  After several long moments, they broke for air and Sam let out a sob she didn’t know she was holding back.  Jack buried her head in his chest and stroked her hair, whispering that he loved her, whispering that he always would. 

They sank to the floor together, and Jack cradled Sam in his arms.  She sobbed, releasing all of her guilt, clutching his shirt, his back, his arms.  Jack shushed her and rubbed his hands up and down her back, whispering endearments, kissing her hair and neck.  When her sobbing subsided, she pulled back slightly and looked up into his eyes.  “Do you mean it?”

“What?”

“All of it?  That you still want to marry me?  That you want us to be a family?”

“All of it, baby.  All of it.”  Tears ran down her cheeks unstopped, and she nodded.  “Good.”

She pulled back slightly, looking intently into his eyes.  “I have to say something,” she hiccupped, and he nodded.

“I’m sorry.”  She told him remembering her conversation with Janet, remembering that she needed to offer her apology, and allow herself to move on.  “I’m very, _so_ very sorry.  For the accident, for how Sara and Charlie died.  I know I did not directly cause their deaths, but I want you to know,” she placed a hand over his chest, “I want you to know that I would do anything to give them back to you… that I’m so sorry you lost them.”

The tears were rolling down her face and Jack cradled her face in his hands, hushing her.  “It’s okay, Sam.”

She reached up to her face and dragged one of his hands down. “And I’m sorry for taking the girls from you.  I’m sorry for breaking your heart.”  She sniffed pathetically, and grimaced, looking for a place to wipe off her face.  Jack simply lifted up his shirt and ran the material over her face.  She let him, adoring the way he cared for her.  “I never stopped loving you.  I never stopped needing you,” she confessed.

“Me neither, Sam.”  He stroked her face tenderly, waiting to see if she needed to confess anything else.  He understood why she needed to say it, and he was so grateful for her openness.

She looked him straight in the eyes, “I want you to be happy, Jack.”

He smiled. “You make me happy, Sam.”

“I _want_ to make you happy,” she added, moving her hand up to his face.

“You make me happy.  You and the girls.  You are everything that I want,” he said moving her hand and laying a kiss on the inside of her wrist.

 “Is there more?”  Jack asked

She paused, and her face grew serious.  “One last thing…”

She lifted her face to his and placed a hand on his jawline, and one against his neck, framing him perfectly, and kissed him.  Their opened mouths met and smacked together in unison.  He kissed her back, a hand going to frame her face as well.  He embraced her, wiped at her tears with his hands. She deepened the kiss and melted into him, the stress, the angst, the depression of the past weeks melting with it.

Jack pulled back from the kiss enough to say, “is it okay to rip your clothes off _now_?”

She laughed and pulled his face back down to hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene is continued in chapter 40. 
> 
> Thank you to the Sam/Jack fandom community for receiving and embracing this story. I’m thankful for all my readers and for SAM-JACK ALWAYS for the incredible beta and support. I’m so very proud of this.
> 
> Leave me a note if you’re still reading along - xoxo


	40. Forwards

 

They made love quickly, frantically, needing to feel alive, needing to _feel._   Sam had shed more tears, even during the act, and Jack had kissed them away, rubbing his face against hers any chance he managed.  She clutched at him, he crushed her to himself.  He had whispered that he loved her, that he needed her.  She whispered back that she loved him, that she was sorry, that she had been lost, because she belonged with him.  When their breathing returned to normal and they separated, Jack reached for the tissues and wiped at her face.

“I’ve really missed you,” he said, looking down at her.

“Mmmm,” she hummed, eyes closed.

“I mean really, _really_ missed you.”

She opened her eyes.  “I missed you too.”

“I missed this,” he said, grazing his hand over her ribs and pulling her towards him.

She smirked playfully.  “I’m sure you did.”

“No,” he tapped his fingers on her ribcage.  “I missed you, Sam Carter.  I missed your voice… your face.  The way you duck your head when you’re embarrassed, the way you bite your lip when you’re unsure.  I missed your giggle, your dimple, your smell.  I even missed your cooking.”

“Oh, shut up,” she said, laughing and swatting him.  They both knew she was an average cook.

“Marry me tomorrow,” he said seriously.

She ran her eyes over his face.  “Tomorrow?” She laughed, “where’s the fire?”

He ran his hands through her ribs and up her bare back, inching closer to her.  “I want it soon.  I can’t have you change your mind again.”

She dug her fingers into his shoulders.  “Jack, I won’t.  I love you.”  She moved her hand and cupped his cheek. 

“I still want it tomorrow,” his hand had reached the back of her head and he caressed her hair tenderly.  “I want us all under the same roof.  As soon as possible.”

She nodded.  “I agree,” she kissed him briefly.  “This summer.  That gives us time to get everything ready.  The girls will need time to understand it.”

“This summer? Sam, it’s March!” he whined.  “How about May?  As soon as the term is over?”

“As soon as the term is over,” she confirmed.  “But the last time I did this it was at a courthouse.  I’d like something memorable, with a dress and cake, and maybe even a party.”

“I happen to know two flower girls that are available…” Jack said, grinning.

Sam smiled.  “Gosh, they’ll be so cute.”

 He beamed at her and rolled away from her to his bedside table.

“What are you doing?”  Sam asked.

He was rummaging through a drawer.  “Getting your ring.”

“What?”  She asked on an exhale.

He shifted back towards her with a manila envelope.  It wasn’t exactly what Sam was expecting.  “Why, Jack… it’s beautiful!”  She said sarcastically.

“Wait a second,” he untied the string and opened the top.  Turning the envelope, he let the contents fall out onto the mattress, in between himself and Sam. 

Sam stared at the tiny pile of papers. “Jack, what is this?”

Jack started rummaging through them, “Well, it doesn’t look like much now, but this is your ring.  At least it will be, soon.”

“Okay,” she said in a questioning tone.  Looking down at the pile, she could see pictures of diamonds and different ring settings.

“Um, yeah.  I haven’t bought one.  See, I didn’t know what your ring looked like from, um, from Jonas, and I really didn’t want to get you something similar, that would remind you of him…”

She moved her eyes from the pile of papers to the naked man by her side. 

“And I really didn’t have any idea what your preference was for it, and I figured you’re gonna be wearing the thing on your finger for the rest of your life… so I _really_ want you to like it, and so I thought I’d make sure and show you all the options so that you can—”

“Jack!” Sam interrupted his adorable rambling. He looked startled.

Moving quickly, she leaned over him and kissed him, crushing him down towards the mattress and causing the pile of papers to crunch beneath them.  She rolled her body over his and gently nipped at his lips, enjoying the kiss, the way their mouths fit together.  She had missed this, missed offering herself to him, giving this basic affection, this basic comfort passionately and receiving it in full.  They kissed tenderly, with purpose, relearning each other, recommitting themselves to each other.  Her hands were pinning his to the mattress, and he could do little else but receive her love.  Before things got too heated, she pulled up from the kiss with a loud pop, and looked straight into his eyes.

“There’s just one more thing that I want,” she said seriously, her lips swollen and her eyes dazed.

Panting, Jack moved his eyes from her lips to her eyes.  “Name it.”

“I want a boy.”

“Huh?”

“I want a boy,” she repeated, releasing his hands.  “A baby boy.”

She saw the moment it clicked and Jack gasped.  They had never talked about this, about having more children.  Jack had hoped, but he would never have pressed her.

“And I want him to be planned,” Sam went on, “and I want it to be just one.  And I want him to grow up to look just like you.”

He exhaled on a cough and she could see he was losing his composure.  Never in a million years did Jack O’Neill think he would have another son.  The thought floored him.

“I want you to be there when he’s born.  And I want you to show him to his sisters.  And I want—”

“Sam! What if it’s a girl?” he got out, and Sam could see it was to cover his reaction.

She smiled.  “It won’t be a girl.  I’m very determined.”  That elicited a grin from him, so she added, “I’d be okay with another girl, too.”

“It’ll be a boy,” he moved his hand and caressed her face.

“Yeah, it will be.”  She kissed him again.

Jack pulled back.  “So when are we planning this ‘planned baby boy?’”

Sam moved her body to a more comfortable position besides him.  “I don’t know, I’m just listing my wants.”

He grinned and considered how gorgeous she was.  “Okay.  What else do you want?”

Sam took a deep breath and thought for a minute.  “O’Neill.”

“Hum?”

“I want us all to be O’Neill.  The girls too.”

Jack turned his body and they were again face to face.  “You remember at Christmas, how I told you I was spending it with my buddy Hammond and his family?”

Sam narrowed her eyes in thought.  “Vaguely.  Why?”

“Well, George and I go way back.  The cabin in Minnesota’s been in my family for a while.  He used to rent it out for a few weeks in the summer… when it got too hot in Texas.  Anyway, he’s an attorney.  I talked to him during Christmas, about us, and the girls.” Jack ran his hands up and down Sam’s arms.  “He said he can have the adoption papers drawn and a court date issued within 12 weeks.”

Sam eyes shot open.  “Really?  That quickly?”

“Yes, well, it has to be done after our wedding date.  He said the process is fairly easy for our case, since the biological father is deceased and we would be married.  Oh, and you’d have to agree that I’d then be as much their guardian as you.  If anything happens, they’d be half mine from that point forward.”

Sam nodded.  “Of course.  I think everything tragic that’s ever happened in our lives has already happened. Don’t you think?  I mean, give us a break already!”  She half joked.

“Seriously! Nothing’s ever gonna happen.  Nothing is going to rip me from the three of you.”  He drug his nails down her back, causing her to shiver, and she lay her head on his chest.  She had really lost weight.

“Sam, you need to eat,” he said softly.

“I know,” she replied into his chest.  “You do too.  Have you been drinking?”

He was quiet for a moment.  “Yeah, I have.”

She sighed heavily.  “I feel spent… like I’ve cried myself out, like I’ve drowned in emotion for months.  I’m so ready for some joy.  I need some joy.  Things have been really tense at home, really down,” Sam said honestly to Jack.

“Yeah.  I want my Carter back… the feisty one, the sassy one.”

She pulled up, then, and took his hands in hers.  “Karen will have made dinner.  Let’s go see our daughters,” Sam said, and Jack smiled.

sSsSsSs

They walked into the house quietly, holding hands.  Sam could tell Jack’s heart was beating fast, the anticipation too much for him.  They heard Karen’s calming voice coming through the girl’s bedroom, and Jack stopped in the hallway.  Taking his hand from Sam’s, he tightened his grip around his jeans and blew out a breath.  Sam stopped with him, and reaching for his hand, brought it up to her lips and kissed it.  She led him closer to the bedroom, then left him by the door before going all the way in. 

“Momma!” The girls squealed when they saw her.  They were sitting on Emma’s bed, Karen in between them, an open book upon her lap. 

Sam made her way towards the bed. “Hi, girls.  Have you been good for Aunt Karen?”

They both nodded emphatically and Karen said, “They were perfect angels.” Sam sat and kissed the top of Sophie’s head.

Sam smiled and ruffled Emma’s hair.  “There’s someone here to see you guys.”

“Who?!” Emma asked, already hopping off the bed.  Sophie stayed on the bed snuggling into Karen.

Sam looked towards the door as Jack came into the bedroom.  Emma froze and stared incomprehensibly at him, until Sophie yelled his name and scrambled off the bed.  She ran towards Jack, who knelt on the floor with outstretched arms.  Sophie went past Emma and crashed into Jack’s arms.  He hugged her little body tightly, then, lifted his face to look at Emma, who was still glued to the floor in the middle of the room.  “Hi, Em.” Jack tried, reaching a hand out to her.

Emma took two steps towards his hand, but stopped again.  She tilted her head in a way that resembled Sam.  “Are you here to stay?”

The three adults in the room crumbled at the little girl’s words.  An “Oh,” could even be heard from Karen, while Sam blew out a breath and hopped off the bed. 

Jack engaged Emma immediately.  “I’m here to stay, Emma.  I won’t leave you again.”

At his words, Sam stopped and sank to the floor also.  He was taking the blame for the leaving, and Sam simply didn’t want that.  She was about to speak when Emma said, “Mommy said she needed some alone time away from you.  Did you do something bad?”

Sam looked down and swallowed, and Jack answered, “No, sweetheart.  Sometimes grown-ups need that.  Mommy needed to think about a lot of things.”

“Oh, maybe you can draw a picture for Mommy, to make her happy,” suggested Sophie from within his arms.

“What a good idea, Soph!  We can all draw Mommy a picture.  I’m sure she’d love that.” He looked back over at Emma, who still looked rather suspicious.  “I missed you, Em.”

Emma smiled then, and dove into his arms.  Jack hugged them both tightly, closing his eyes and making a satisfied noise in the back of his throat.

Watching the whole scene, Karen suddenly felt like an intruder, and quietly got up from the bed and made her way towards the door.  As she was about to pass Jack, he loosened his hold on the girls and looked at her.  “Karen!”

She stopped and looked down at him.  Smiling, she extended her hand in greeting.  “Hi, Jack.  I’m Sam’s—”

Ignoring her extended hand, Jack stood up and gave Karen a bear hug.  “I’m so glad to finally meet you, Karen.”

Laughing, Karen hugged him back.  “The pleasure is all mine, Jack.”  They separated and looked down to see Sam hugging both girls.  “I’ll be out in the kitchen.  Don’t mind me!” Karen said before leaving the room.

Jack knelt on the floor again by his favorite trio.  Sophie immediately got up and went for the pile of library books.  Picking one, she made her way to Jack and plopped herself on his lap.  Seeing her sister, Emma followed quickly, making herself comfortable on Jack’s other leg.  Sam crawled over to them, sitting next to Jack and laying her head on his shoulder as he read to them.  When the story was over, Sophie picked up the book and tossed it across the room, turning to snuggle in closer, burrowing herself in Jack’s chest, her little pink nightgown bunched at her knees.  Feeling crowded, Emma went to sit on Sam’s lap.

“We wanted to talk to you girls… about something important,” Sam said, petting Emma’s hair.

Sophie turned in Jack’s lap and faced her Mom, ready for the news.

“I wanted to ask you girls if it would be okay if I married your Momma,” Jack said seriously to the two miniature Samanthas.

They both stared at him mutely, blinking rapidly.  Jack looked to Sam for help.

“Girls, do you know how Uncle Mark and Aunt Karen live together?” Sam asked them.

Sophie nodded and Emma said, “And Aunt Karen knows how to bake cookies!”

Jack laughed and made a face, “Yum!”

“Well, Uncle Mark and Aunt Karen are married.  They live together and they love each other.  What Jack is trying to say is that he loves Mommy, and that Mommy loves him.  And that we decided to be together as a family…” she plowed through, “so Jack is going to come and live with us.”                                  

Sophie looked confused.  “Are you going to be our daddy, Jack?”

Jack’s huge hands fit around Sophie’s tiny face.  “Yes, baby.  I’m going to be your daddy.” He looked over at Emma.  “Is that okay with you, Em?”

Emma smiled widely and threw her hands up in excitement, “you can sleep in our room, Jack!”

They all laughed until Sam said, “actually, Jack will sleep in Mommy’s room.  That’s where he belongs, okay?”

The girls settled down, “Okay, I guess.”

“But first we have to plan a party for Mommy, and she gets to wear a princess dress and carry a bouquet of flowers!  And Daddy gets to give her a shiny ring!” Jack was being expressive and excessive and adorable, and Sam melted.

Sophie made a huge “o” with her mouth and Emma squealed.  Jack looked up to the ceiling, his arms full of tiny Carters, and his heart overflowing with joy.  He mouthed the words “thanks” to the ceiling, before pulling Sam into the embrace as well.

sSsSsSs

Jack came into Sam’s bedroom and closed the door.  He found Sam sitting on her bed, flipping through pictures on his phone, the papers and designs for an engagement ring lying around her. 

“They’re asleep,” he said, “Did you pick one?”

She looked up at him and smiled.  “I think so.”

He came to her and sat down on the bed.  “Show me.”

“Sam showed him first the design on paper, and the diamond shape, then she swiped at his phone until she found the matching photo.  “This one.   I like this one,” she passed him the phone.  “I actually love it.”

He smiled.  “This was one of my favorites, I love it too.” Jack had taken pictures of some of the rings he had found and saved them in a folder on his phone gallery.  “Let’s go tomorrow and pick it up.”

“Sounds perfect,” she said, and kissed him.  When they separated, Sam spoke softly, “Jack, there is something I have to show you.”

He raised his eyebrows.  “Okay.”

Sam thought for a moment, then left Jack’s embrace.  “Hang on,” she told him, opening her closet door and reaching to the top shelf for something.  She came back to the bed with an old brown leather briefcase, and sat down across from Jack.  “There is one more thing that you don’t know, that I haven’t told you… about Jonas’ death.” She looked at him as he sat up closer, “I want you to know everything before we go forward with this,” she gestured between them.

“Ok,” Jack said, nodding, and Sam maneuvered the briefcase clasps at the same time, causing them to unlock.  She opened it and turned the case so that Jack could also see inside.  There were folders inside, of different colors and shapes, labeled in Sam’s neat handwriting.  She moved a few aside, and pulled one out, holding it to her chest.

“When you asked me about my financial situation, back when we first started dating, I wasn’t completely honest with you.” She confessed, watching for his reaction.

Jack swallowed, a million possibilities going through his head.  Could she be in worse financial need than he thought?  Could Jonas have left her with a string of debts?  “Tell me,” he got out.

She ran her tongue along the inside of her teeth.  “We weren’t awarded any gratuity from the Air Force, but…” Sam cleared her throat.  “It turned out that Jonas did, in fact, have a life insurance policy, and I was the beneficiary.”

Jack’s face remained steady as Sam talked.  “Actually, there were two separate policies, one through the Air Force, and one through a private company.  I had no idea we had been paying into either of them; Jonas kept me out of all of the money decisions.”

Jack scooted closer to Sam in an effort to support her.  “How much did you get?”

She pursed her lips and looked at him, “The Air Force policy was four hundred thousand, that’s the maximum allowed.  The other one was four hundred and fifty.”

Jack’s eyes and mouth shot open.  “What?”

She nodded and licked her lips.

“Sam! That’s almost a million dollars!”

“I know!”

“Why in the world do you live on money envelopes, Sam?” Jack asked

She let out a breath, tilting her head.  “When I first found out, I was really confused, and a bit scared.  _I’m_ the person that pulled the plug on his life support.  _I’m_ the one that ended his life.  Yeah, he was a vegetable, but it just didn’t sit right that I was also the one to benefit from his death.”

Jack searched his brain.  “There’s no way they’d go after you for that.  He was in a coma, Sam!”

“No, I know!  I know that.  My attorney said that there would never be any questions about that, that the accident and cause of the coma were well documented, that I could use the money without a problem.”

“So you haven’t touched the money?” Jack asked incredulously.

“Not really, I used some of it to pay off his medical bills, and his funeral and all that.  It’s hard to explain…  I didn’t want it.  I didn’t want his money, Jack.”

“Okay.  I can understand that, I guess.”  Jack said, stunned.

“I had my attorney set up a trust for the girls.  All the money is in their name now.  I’m the trustee, and I can take money out for any of their needs… housing, food, education…” she opened the folder and turned it towards him.  “And I told myself that I would, if they ever needed anything beyond what I was providing for them, that I would use it.  But… it was also very important for me to make it on my own, to provide a life for them.”

“You’ve done a pretty fine job without it, and raising them as a single parent, Sam.  And now you’ve set them up for a great future.  They can use the money for college, for their living expenses later, for a house even, when they’re older.”

She nodded, appreciating his approval, needing it.  “And we own this house, outright.  I used the money dad left me.  So our monthly expenses are really quite manageable…”

“Wow.  This is crazy.  Here I was thinking I’d sweep you off your feet and—”

“You have, Jack.  You’ve swept me off my feet.  You’ve completely changed the trajectory of my life.  I want to keep this for the girls, for their future.  It can be the only good legacy their father left them.”

“What about the job, in D.C.?” Jack asked, closing the folder.

“I can say no. They gave me a week to think it over,” Sam answered, putting the briefcase aside.

“Okay, but tell me this: your job here, in Colorado,” he waited till she nodded, “are you happy at the end of the day? Does it make you feel fulfilled?  Useful?”

Sam shrugged.  “It’s just physics.  There really aren’t any challenges to it.  But, it’s okay.”

Jack licked his lips and nodded.  “What if you called Dr. Hershey’s or whatever, told him you’d have to finish out the term here, that you’re getting married in May and couldn’t start the job ‘till June.”

“What?” Sam scrunched up her eyes trying to understand what Jack was suggesting.

“That gives me time to notify the clinic and help them fill my position.  They are pretty busy already with Dr. Ketter leaving… I wouldn’t want to leave them in a pickle,” he said, running his thumb over her jawline.

“Are you serious?  But, you love your job!”

“And I’ll love my job in D.C. too.  They need pediatricians everywhere.  I can find a clinic just like this one there.  Or I could just work at the hospital until we get settled.  I have a lot of options, Sam, and at this point my skills are very mobile.  I want us to settle where we can _both_ grow professionally.”

She stared at him with her mouth open.  “You’re amazing.  I can’t believe you’d uproot for me.”

“Well… we’ll just have to make sure to have an extra room for Teal’c, when he comes to visit.” Sam smiled at his comment.  “And I do want a house with enough rooms for the girls, the baby, and a guest area for all the Carters’ when they come to visit, and a big den, or something large, where you can have a lab set up all the time.”

“Huh,” she ducked her head and smiled.  “This all sounds too good to be true.”

Jack leaned back against the headboard and gathered her close to his chest.  They sat there, silently enjoying the gift of each other’s presence.  But there was just one more thing Jack wanted to know.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?” she looked over at him.  “What made you come over?  I mean, after the ordeal at the office and everything.   You could’ve gone home.  You could’ve been angry… what made you come back?”

She searched her mind, herself curious of the answer.  “Karen said something the other day.  She reminded me of something I told her… at Christmas.  It was something about the chemistry between us, and the pull we seem to have towards each other.  I said that I thought you and I were the kind of people that are supposed to meet, supposed to fall in love, supposed to be together.”

“Yeah?”

“She reminded me of that… that I was the one to say those things.  She said she didn’t think it was possible that we met by coincidence… that it had to be fate.”

“Do you believe that?” Jack asked.

“Fate?” Sam asked tilting her head.

“Yeah.”

She shrugged.  “I’m a scientist, Jack.”

“Oh, come on!”

She smiled coyly at him.  “I believe in the pull we have – the attraction, reaction, the love.  Maybe that was powerful enough to find you through the mess.”

“Hmmm.”

“I want to look forward now, Jack.  No more looking back.  No more doubting,” Sam declared, hand in his.

“l agree.  Let’s make the most of our lives,” he replied, looking deep into her eyes.

“Sounds perfect.”

 

**“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Soren Kierkegaard**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience in waiting for this chapter... I struggled with it, but I hope you can enjoy. There is one more chapter in the works, and then a bit of a "missing scene" written for SAM-JACK ALWAYS which I'll probably share too. So don't abandon me yet!
> 
> Thanks for the awesome comments. And thanks to my beta for keeping me going.


	41. Legacy

_ _

_Epilogue_

The door opens and she jumps up from her chair. There, at the door, is Jack, in his hospital scrubs, holding a bundle in his arms.

“Oh, my god!” Sam says, a hand to her mouth.

Jack smiles at her, and moves closer her way, cradling the bundle and moving his hand to adjust the tiny blanket around its head.

He reaches Sam, who only has eyes for the bundle, tears already in them, and she looks down adoringly at the new red face. Her lips part and her eyes widen as she takes in the presence of her first grandchild for the very first time.  Jack hands her the bundle, again moving the blanket away from the baby’s face, and Sam receives it instinctively, cradling it near her heart, rocking it slightly.  She still has not lost her eye lock with the child.

“How big is he?” she whispers.

“Eight pounds, three ounces,” Jack answers proudly.

“Is he healthy?” Sam asks.

“Everything looks perfect.  Apgars were both 9’s.  Great set of lungs!”

“I heard!” she says, “I heard the minute he was born.”  The tiny room she was sitting in was an antechamber to the birthing room, where supplies and huge washing sinks sat, for the physicians and nurses.  Jack’s position at the hospital had meant that Sam could be as close to the birthing room as possible. 

Sam smiles and finally looks up at Jack.  “He’s beautiful.”

“Absolutely gorgeous,” Jack agrees, “not that we’re biased or anything.”

Sam sits back down on her chair, a flimsy hospital thing, and runs her finger against the soft cheek.  “How did she do?”

“Amazing,” Jack beams, “screamed the whole time.  And you wouldn’t believe the potty mouth on our child!”

Sam laughs.  “I bet she was awesome.  Only took, what, six hours for the whole thing?”

“Since she got here, yeah.  She really did great, Sam.  Matt was great too, held her hand and encouraged her the whole time.  When he wasn’t being threatened…”

“He looks like her.  He looks like them,” Sam said staring at the child.

“Like Emma and Matt?”  Jack asked, referring to the newborn’s parents.

“No.  Emma and Sophie.” Sam clarified, “he looks like his Momma, just like the girls looked when they were born.”

Jack nods.  “I have to take him back, Sam.  They were cleaning Em up and she wanted you to see him.”  Sam nods and stands to hand the bundle back.

She gently lays her grandson in Jack’s arms.  “Tell her I’m so proud of her.  Tell her he’s beautiful.”  Sam says as Jack turns around.  “Tell her—”

“Sam, you’ll see her in a minute,” then he adds, “I’ll tell her.”

sSsSsSsSsSs

Everyone was crammed into Emma’s hospital room.  Jack had arranged for her to have a corner room, which was the largest, but it still had its limitations.  It was the day after the birth and James had just come through the door.  “Where’s the baby now?”

“Mom’s hogging him again,” said Sophie from her spot against the wall.

“Leave your mother alone,” Jack said, “she’s earned the right to hog him.”

“When is Beth getting here?” Sophie asked.

Sam spoke for the first time, looking up from her grandchild, “She had a midterm.  She’s taking a flight right after and should be here soon.”

Sophie came over to Sam. “Come on, Mom, give him up!”

Sam looked up at her daughter.  “Well, you can just ask, for crying out loud!”  Sam stood, and bypassing Sophie headed straight for Emma.  “Em should hold him anyway, Soph. They need to bond.”

“I’m her identical twin sister!” Sophie said exasperated.  “Give him to me, he won’t know the difference.  He can bond with me!”

Jack cackled and Sam glared at them both.  Emma accepted the boy and nestled him close.

Ignoring them, James turned to Emma on the bed.  “Have you decided yet?  He can’t be called ‘baby boy’ for the rest of his life.  The little dude needs a name.”

The entire room looked at Emma.  Matt, her husband, stood and came close to the bed.  The couple exchanged a look and Matt nodded briefly to his wife.

Emma looked around the room until she spotted her intended audience.  Looking straight at her dad, she said, “We decided to name him Charlie.”

The room meant for mother and child was packed full of people, but the only sound that could be heard at that exact moment was the soft breathing of a very small Charlie.

Slowly, the eyes that had been trained on Emma moved, searching for Jack’s reaction.  He was very still, eyes locked with Emma.  Sophie moved to her mother’s side, seeing her hand at her mouth and her eyes full of tears, watching her husband, taking in this moment.  Emma and Jack had always had a very special connection.  It was right for Emma to be the one to give him the greatest gift a man could be given.

“I hope he grows up and understands the importance of his namesake, Dad.” Emma said softly, eyes still locked with Jack’s.

Well, that did it.  Jack O’Neill’s eyes filled to the brim, reddened and full of emotion.  The pair stared at each other, until Jack blinked and the tears fell down his face.  He nodded, just the tiniest tilt in his head, and Emma knew he approved, he appreciated, he felt honored.  “Thank you,” he mouthed, and from across the room, a tear-filled Emma grinned widely.

 Standing up, Jack made his way to the hospital bed, where he kissed his daughter on the forehead.  Without hesitation, he picked up the bundle from her arms and held him close.  “Charlie,” he tested it out.  Sam was next to him in an instant, hugging both Jack and the infant, her face also replete with emotion.  Leaning down and kissing the baby’s head, she turned to Emma. 

“You honor us both with his name, Em.  Thank you.” Sam leaned in and gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek, letting her own tears fall where they may, then went around the hospital bed to hug Matt.

The hospital door swung open with a loud clunk.  “Here’s Auntie Beth!”

Beth froze at the doorway and took in the scene.  Her dad was next to the hospital bed holding the baby, but had obviously been crying… her dad, not the baby.  And Emma had been crying, Beth could tell, and Matt was hugging mom, or mom was hugging Matt, and James sat in a chair next to Sophie, both wearing clear streaks down their faces.  “What’s wrong with the baby?” Beth asked on an exhale, her eyes turning downwards in dread.

At her question, all the adults in the room laughed and started to wipe at their faces.  “Beth, I’m so glad you came,” Emma said from the bed, extending a hand to her youngest sister.  Beth had been Sam and Jack’s fourth child, a surprise and a blessing all in one.

Beth came over to the bed and hugged her sister.  “What the hell is going on in here?” she asked Emma, “and Congratulations, by the way.”  She reached over and squeezed Matt’s hand.

“The baby’s fine,” Jack told Beth, but he backed away when she went to hold him.  “Na-ah!  Go wash your hands first!”

Beth rolled her eyes and did as she was told, finding the sink.  “If the baby’s fine, then why did I walk into a scene from Steel Magnolias?  Everyone’s crying!  Even James!  And he hasn’t cried since I beat him up in the third grade!”

Sam came over to the sink and hugged Beth as she was finishing.  “Hi, Sweetheart.” Sam patted Beth’s hair down, “I’m so glad you made it ok.”

Beth kissed Sam on the cheek and squinted her eyes at her mom.  “Oh, I can see you’ve been crying most of all – what gives?!”

Sam smiled and turned to the bed.  Receiving a nod from Em, she told Beth, “They’re going to name the baby ‘Charlie.’”

Beth immediately put her hand up to her mouth, in a gesture incredibly reminiscent of her mother.  Everything about Beth was reminiscent of Sam.  She was an exact replica of the woman:  eyes and hair and body… just about 40 years younger.  “Oh, my God, Em!”  She made a beeline to the baby and snatched him out of Jack’s arms, cradling him tenderly and finding that she too, could not keep the tears away.

sSsSsSsSs

Four days later Jack found Sam in the baby’s room, rocking him gently on the expensive glider Sam had insisted that Emma needed.  He and Sam had furnished the baby’s room in its entirety for Emma and Matt, complete with an endless supply of diapers.   

Jack looked at his wife of nearly 30 years, and thought back over their lives. He remembered what she looked like on their wedding day, white in her wedding dress, completely _his_ , and gorgeous beyond his dreams.  He remembered their move to D.C., the new jobs, the new opportunities, the new house.  He remembered the moment Sam had told him she was ready for their boy, and the joy of seeing the positive sign on the pregnancy test a few months later.  Jack had spoiled Sam throughout the pregnancy, watching over her as fiercely as a lion, yet as tender as a dove. 

James had arrived just as the twins turned six and Jack reminisced over the early years of their marriage after James’ arrival.  Sam had been entranced by him from the moment he was born.  He was her boy, her singleton, her miniature Jack O’Neill, and she was completely devoted to him.  He thought back to those years, when he had purchased an office adjacent to the new and shiny Nox Memorial Hospital built near NASA’s headquarters in D.C.  And now, as he stood at the doorway to Charlie’s nursery, watching Sam rock their grandchild, he remembered the conversation they had, lying in bed facing one another, sweaty and hot from their lovemaking, Jack promising Sam that no matter how demanding the new clinic would be, that Jack was hers, was _theirs,_ and that if she ever felt that he needed to pull back, to be home more, that he would in an instant.  Sam had promised him the same, that very night, having just taken over as the assistant head of research for the department of Aerospace. 

Sam had quickly climbed the ranks, proving herself over and over again with her innovative thinking and her genius brain.  She had accomplished one of her life goals, to honor her father by going to outer space.  She had helped with the propulsion design for The Aurora, a small spaceship capable of taking off in the same manner as a jet, yet breaking the atmosphere and landing on another planet, namely Mars, where Sam’s team had collected samples, done basic exploration, and determined the planet’s capabilities of sustaining life under a biometric life-dome.  Jack had never been more fearful than during those 17 days, but Sam had come back to him, whole and happy, and being awarded the Nobel Prize for Extraterrestrial Exploration.  She was a recognized and well-respected leader in the field of astrophysics, aeronautics, and off-world exploration.  Jack beamed just thinking about her brilliant career. 

It had not taken NASA long to find Sam amidst her published academia, and though she had held several varied positions at NASA, she was currently the Director of Science.  The position was prestigious, time consuming, and exactly what Sam loved.  She was heading one of NASA’s five Mission Directorates, and as the head of Science was the commander of all exploration on Earth, moon, Mars, and beyond; she was responsible for charting the best route for discovery, reaping the benefit of exploration for use in society, and provided the catalyst for the creation of technologies and innovation needed to maintain Earth capable of space travel and exploration.  Jack was so proud of Sam.

And then he remembered how Beth had arrived, surprising Sam and turning Jack into another pile of mush.  He remembered the complicated pregnancy, with Sam in her forties, and thanked his lucky stars that his family was truly complete with Beth.  She had been fire and spirit and rock-n-roll from the minute she entered their family, a spitting image of Samantha Carter O’Neill, an exact replica of his beloved.  In many ways, though she was the last to arrive, Beth was the glue that held all of them together.  She could not be silenced, even for an instant, and through her youth, beauty, and intelligence, gained the favor of her family and her world.  She and Teal’c had always been particularly close.  Beth’s life-giving spirit brought the family together when there was strife, she united the siblings during birthdays, anniversaries or holidays; she was a social butterfly and a sweet life-force, enriching everything she touched.  Jack knew that she was like this because of Sam, because she was Sam’s child, and his too.  Jack looked above Sam on the rocking chair, and admired the painting hanging on the wall.  It was Beth’s painting.  She was currently attending the University of California, living with her Uncle Mark, planning on becoming a full time artist and traveling the world.  Her wonder and curiosity and creativity fueled her love for life.  Jack and Sam were thrilled. 

Jack smiled as he watched Sam, remembering how she had cradled their own son in the same way.  James was now 26, and with his unending bond with his mother, had followed after her in her love of space, of physics, and of all things science.  Jack remembered how in high school, while all the other boys his age were out experimenting with life’s pleasures, that James was at home, in their garage, building a particle accelerator that had blown Sam’s mind.  She had not even seemed to mind that the beam of gamma rays were dangerously close to her antique Indian bike, which proved to Jack how nuts both her and James truly were.  His very early degree in biometric engineering was followed by a master’s in experimental physics.  To top it all off, James was currently working on a Ph.D. in theoretical physics. 

For two years, he had been partly employed by Colson Industries, focusing on research into brainwave communication and sensors.  James’ doctoral dissertation fixated on the contact lenses he had designed, which not only used virtual retinal displays to provide access to projected images and information, but also operated through sensors which received their commands directly from a person’s visual cortex.  His biometric work had prepared him for this, and with his family’s medical field experience, James had access to experimental materials all his life.  Several companies besides Colson were already after him for a patent and employment, and Sam and Jack were paramount in helping him and leading him to find his own way, his own niche, and his own happiness.  He’d brought a girl around last Christmas, and with 3 sisters to hound the girl with questions, Jack and Sam barely had to worry; the girl had been a delight nonetheless.  Jack was so proud of James, of his son.  Sometimes he could barely contain the emotion that overwhelmed him at the pride James produced in his being.

And then there were the twins, the joy of his life, the salvation of his soul.  Jack O’Neill was a man blessed and redeemed and incomprehensibly whole.  Sophie had developed into a beautiful and confident young woman.  Both girls now had deep brown hair, which was highlighted by their bright blue eyes, the color of Sam’s, and their smiles as bright as the sun.  Sophie had been the first to leave the tight-knit family cluster.  She studied archaeology at Cornell University, under the tutelage of a certain uncle of hers, Dr. Daniel Jackson.  Her Ph.D. had been completed shortly after, and she had spent the last year in a dig in New Delhi with Daniel and Sharay. 

Sophie’s frustrations with the antiquated process of carbon dating had led to months of conversations and research with James.  She could not believe that the archaeological world could continue to use an archaic process which was skewed by the effects humans had on carbon levels present on Earth.  Working with her mother and with James, Sophie had proposed a method for using a specific mass spectrometer measuring the mass of Carbon, Nitrogen and Methylene during carbon dating which accounted for the errors raised by the high levels of carbon in Earth’s atmosphere.  Her experimental proposal had led to a brilliant dissertation revealing a new and innovative process for dating of antique fossils and materials.  Sophie was adventurous and curious and full of possibility.  Her siblings adored her and so did the archaeological community.

Emma had followed after Jack, her medical school work completed at a young age, and her residency focusing on pediatrics, with a concentration in neonatal infants.  Jack found that in many ways, Emma was more his child than any of the other blood-related children, that she understood him on a personal level, on a professional level, and admired his devotion to the medical field.  He was proud as he remembered her ambition during college, her need to become the best in her class and to learn everything she possibly could about her field.  She was only a year away from finishing her stint as a neonatal pediatric resident, and though Jack had invited her to become a partner in his clinic, he had allowed her complete autonomy to make her own decisions, and her own way in life.  He smiled as he recalled the conversation, months ago, where Emma had accepted his offer, promising to start at the clinic upon the completion of her residency, as long as she could continue to pursue her dream of becoming a neonatal specialist.  Sam had been particularly delighted.  And Emma had also subjected Jack to another pleasure: his first grandchild, named after his first son, his first deep love and his first deep loss.  Sam rocked slowly back and forth, humming softly as Charlie slept in her arms, her eyes never leaving his small face. 

“Are you gonna stand there all day or are you going to join me inside?” She said to Jack, without taking her eyes off the baby.

He smiled.  “You’ve been in here a while… the kids wanna order pizza.”

Sam laughed.  “Kids?  Our youngest is 20, Jack.”

“They’ll always be kids to me.” He came over and leaned down to kiss Sam.  She hummed.

“I’m so happy, Jack,” she told him.  He moved her feet over and sat on the ottoman, in front of her.  “Charlie is… well, I never thought I could feel this way.”

Jack nodded.  He knew exactly what she was talking about.  They didn’t know this emotion existed, whatever this was that had completely overtaken their hearts with the birth of this child, their grandchild. 

“I feel like I could do anything, like I could accomplish anything, just because he was born,” Sam whispered, grinning at Jack.

Jack reached over and ran his thumb over Charlie’s cheek.  “He does give life new meaning.  He’s a perfect reminder of how complete my life is because of you and the kids.”

Sam moved her hand to Jack’s where it was on the baby’s face, and she laced her fingers with his.  “You completed my life long ago Jack O’Neill.  You raised this family so well. You rescued us all.”

“No,” he said, his voice thick.  “We rescued each other.”

Sam smiled. 

“We can’t take him home, Sam,” Jack stated, wondering if his wife realized that this was not their actual child.

She made a fake pout.  “I know.  He belongs here,” she looked down at her bundle.  “That doesn’t mean I won’t spoil him rotten at every opportunity.”

“Agreed,” he got up and they both heard his knees pop.  “Now put him in his crib and let’s go eat pizza with the kids.  Beth is down there convincing all of them to play Mexican Dominoes.”

Sam laughed.  “How did Beth become the leader of the pack?  She’s always riling everybody up.”

“Oh, about the minute she was born and became the adored baby of the family.” Jack said, taking Charlie from Sam and laying him down in his crib.  “She had James eating out of her hands by the time she was crawling.”  He stood there a moment, admiring his sleeping grandchild as he adjusted himself on the crib, his tiny arms stretching out from the blanket.

Sam stood and came next to him, snaking an arm around his waist.  “What do you think he’ll be when he grows up?” she asked him.

“Hughm, I have no idea, Sam.  Probably nothing we expect,” he answered.  “But he can be whatever he wants to be.  I’ll always support him, as long as I live.”

“You’ve supported all our kids, no matter how crazy their dreams have been,” Sam said, and Jack knew she clearly meant Beth, their eccentric, spirited child.  He also knew their lives would be slightly dull without her, and he smiled.

He put his arms around Sam’s shoulders and led her out of the baby’s bedroom.  “I think life’s treated us pretty well, wouldn’t you say?”

Sam paused at the doorway and looked up at him.  At one point in their lives, Jack’s statement would have been sarcastic, and completely flawed.  But as Sam looked at him, her life mate, her love, her connection to real life, to real joy, to real fulfillment, she grinned at his comment.  Life truly had treated them pretty well.  Pretty fantastic, in fact.

“I think all we had to do is find the right prescription,” she spoke, looking at him and licking her lips.

Jack raised his eyebrows at her metaphor.  “What do you mean?”

“Life,” she spoke, as if it were obvious.  “We chose to live.  To live together.  To do life together.  It was our prescription.  It still is.”

He leaned down and kissed her sweetly.  Pulling back up, he drew her again to himself, looping his arm around her waist and depositing his large hand in the back pocket of her jeans, where it usually belonged.  “Let’s go kick ass at Mexican Dominoes.”

Sam laughed, depositing her own hand in his back pocket, and taking a dose of life’s medicine.

_The End_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Notes: 
> 
> The section on James’ career and aspirations came to me from my memories of reading Michio Kaku’s Physics of the Future: How Science Will Shape Human Destiny and Our Daily Lives by the Year 2100. It’s a great read, and his predictions for the future far excel the contact lenses. The ideas are his, and no plagiarism is intended. 
> 
> Sam’s position at NASA as Director of Science is an actual position, and all that information was taken directly from the NASA website. 
> 
> If you are utterly confused, this chapter was a look into the future, 27 years to be exact. Sam is now 62, and Jack 68. Here is a list of Sam’s children and their ages in this chapter:  
> Emma (32) – twin 1, Neonatal Pediatrics, married to Matt, mother to Charlie  
> Sophie (32) – twin 2, Archaeologist  
> James (26) – planned baby boy – Theoretical Physicist  
> Beth (20) – surprise miracle – Artist 
> 
> There is a missing scene that I wrote for my dear beta, who requested to see something happen. This “something” happens in the years between Chapters 40 and 41. I will publish it here in a few days for you as well. 
> 
> Author’s Final Remarks:
> 
> What a remarkable journey this has been. Thank you to all my readers. Thank you for those that have left comments and expressed to me your enjoyment and love of these characters and the story. I’m so incredibly proud of it. 
> 
> I met this gal along the way, and to say we’ve become ‘friends’ would be an understatement. SAM-JACK ALWAYS has betaed chapters 16-41 and provided shippy inspiration along the way. I am so grateful for her help and for this remarkable fandom. I have met many who have fueled my love for Sam and Jack and encouraged my writing. 
> 
> Thank you also to XFChemist for the amazing cover art. 
> 
> Samantha Carter, Jack O’Neill, Teal’c, Janet and Cassandra Fraiser, Daniel Jackson, Walter, Siler, Maybourne, Kerry Johnson, Jonas Hanson, Hammond and Sharay are characters from Stargate SG-1, owned by MGM. I just borrowed them for this A.U. No copyright infringement is intended. 
> 
> Emma, Sophie, Karen, Dr. Ketter, and all other characters are my creation. Please do not translate or audio this story without asking. Prescriptions is a fanfiction work by webbo.
> 
> Prescriptions has been nominated for a fan award in two categories, Angst and Alternate, in the 2015 Sam and Jack Multimedia Awards. You can visit samandjackawards (dot) com. Thank you!
> 
> Prescriptions has won!
> 
>  


	42. Missing Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prescriptions has been nominated for a fan award in two categories, Angst and Alternate, in the 2015 Sam and Jack Multimedia Awards. You can visit samandjackawards (dot) com. Thank you!
> 
> And has won:
> 
>  

Missing Scene for Prescriptions

Many years after chapter 40….

Sam was tired.  She felt frustrated and hungry as she made her way to the restroom at work.  Locking the stall, she hiked up her suit skirt, and lowered herself onto the toilet.  That’s when it had all begun.

“Blair Children’s Clinic, this is Pat, how can I help you?”

“I need to speak to Dr. O’Neill.  This is his wife.  It’s an emergency.”

“Yes, Mrs. Oneill, I’ll transfer the call to the back right away, one moment.”

Sam waited a minute, frustrated at Jack for not having his cell phone on his person, and then another line picked up.  “Mrs. O’Neill, Dr. O’Neill is in with a patient. Is there a message I could leave for him?”

“No! Listen, this is an emergency!  I need you to go and get him for me.  Please!” Sam sighed, “Interrupt the appointment if you have to.”

“Yes, Ma’am.  Of course, right away.”  The woman said, placing Sam on hold.  Sam sank onto the seat of the cab with a loud sigh, and waited for Jack to pick up the phone.

sSsSsSsSs

Jack heard the soft knock at the door and glanced from his spot near the table, where he was examining the ears of an eight-year old boy.

“I’m sorry, Dr. O’Neill.  There is an urgent call for you,” the nurse said from the door.

“Tell whoever it is that I’ll call in a few minutes, please.” Jack said, frowning.  He did not like giving priority to calls rather than the patient in front of him.

The nurse didn’t hesitate.  “It’s Mrs. O’Neill, sir.  She said it was an emergency, she asked for me to interrupt you.”

At the sound of her name, something inside of Jack snapped.  Turning to the parent, he said, “I’m so sorry, my wife would never call here unless something was wrong.  I’ll be right back.”  The mother nodded her approval, and Jack was out of the room and to the phone in the main hallway in three huge steps.

“Sam?” he yelled into the phone.

“Jack!”

“What’s wrong?” he said, concerned.

“I’m bleeding,” she said.  “I’m in a cab headed to the hospital.  I should be there in a few minutes.  Can you come meet me?”

He lowered his voice, “what do you mean you’re bleeding?”  He was still in the main hallway.

“Jack… the baby.”

Jack’s stomach dropped.  “How much?  Are you in pain?”

“Not really.  I… can you just come?”

“Of course!  Why don’t you go straight to Dr. Warren’s?” Jack pressed his fingers into his eyes and tried to stay calm.

“I called.  They said they send second trimester bleeding straight to the hospital.”

“Ok.  I’ll be waiting for you at the E.R.” He turned to a nurse that was behind him, “Candace, please run to my office and bring me my cell phone, it’s on my desk.”  The nurse scurried off quickly.

“Ok. Thank you, Jack,” Sam said, breathing in deeply. 

“I’m going to hang up now, Sam,” Jack said, already plotting his steps towards the hospital.

“Ok.  I love you.”

“I love you too.”

sSsSsSsSs

Jack rushed out into the waiting room from within the inner workings of the E.R.  His clinic’s building was right next to the hospital, and he had used the east entrance and walked through, since he was a regular attending physician.  He found Sam sitting on a chair in the E.R. waiting area, a clipboard on her lap.  She was hunched over, filling out a form, her insurance card in the other hand.

“Sam!” Jack sat next to her and Sam dropped everything to hug him.  “What are you still doing out here?” he said into her hair.

Sam pulled back and looked at him.  “I have to wait my turn, Jack.” She looked around the room and he followed her gaze; it was filled with people waiting to be seen.  In one corner a woman held a bloody washcloth to her face, and in the other a woman hushed a child, who coughed violently.

“Hang on,” Jack said, getting up.  He went behind the front desk and talked to the woman, who obviously knew him.  He was still in his lab coat, and Sam knew he had kept it on purposefully.  He then made his way to the door that led to the E.R. rooms.  Swiping his ID card, the door opened, and he went through.  The door closed behind him and Sam sank back in her chair, and continued filling out her form.

Five minutes later, Jack returned, pushing a wheel chair in front of him.  “Get on,” he said, as he parked it in front of her.

“Jack, I can walk perfectly fine.”  She looked up at him and saw his face.  He was worried, and wasn’t going to back down.

“Okay,” Sam said standing up.  Jack noticed that her gray suit jacket was tied around her waist like she sometimes did with her sweatshirt.  As she turned to sit, he saw that blood had seeped through from the skirt to the jacket, where she had tried to hide it.  “You found me a bed?” she said, distracting him from the curse he had uttered in his head.

“Yeah, come on.”  He pushed her to the door and swiped his card again.  Inside the room, he pulled the privacy curtain and reached in a cabinet for a hospital gown.  He placed the gown on the bed and reached for her, pulling her out of the wheelchair.  She stood and he undid the knot around her suit jacket, then, started pulling her shirt out from where it was tucked into her skirt.  She put a hand over his and stopped him.

“Jack,” Sam waited until Jack met her eyes.  “Am I having a miscarriage?”

He looked down for a moment, then up at her again, and whispered, “I don’t know.”

She licked her lips and held both his hands over her shirt.  “I can do this.  Go get me a doctor.”

Jack nodded and placed his lips over her forehead.  “I’ll be right back.”

sSsSsSsSs

Out in the hallway, Jack spotted a lab coat and bee-lined for it.  “Bob! Hey, do you know who the OBGYN is on-call?”

“Hey boss!” Bob joked.  “Jen’s here.  Just saw her down the hall.”  Bob pointed and went back to his task.

“Thanks, man,” Jack said, skidding down the hallway.  He turned the corner to see Jennifer Keller take a tablet off the nurse’s desk. “Keller!”

“Hey, Jack!  I didn’t know you were here today.  Whoa, what’s wrong?” She put a hand on his upper arm.

“Keller!  Sam’s down the hall.  Bleeding… second trimester.  Could you come?”

“Yeah, of course.  Let me put in this order and I’ll be right there,” she said, focusing on her tablet again as Jack turned.  “Oh, Jack!  Grab a fetal Doppler from the closet.  I’ll be there in a sec.”

sSsSsSs

Jennifer came around the curtain divider to find Dr. Jack O’Neill, sitting on a chair near the hospital gurney, both hands on his wife’s swollen middle. He looked like he was trying to physically transfer life and health into his wife’s body.

“Hi, Mrs. O’Neill, I’m Doctor Keller,” she came around to the other side, leaving Jack to do his thing.

“Hi.  I’ve met you before, probably at a Christmas event,” Sam said, placing a hand over Jack’s on her belly.

Keller nodded.  “That’s very likely.  Now, tell me, how far along are you?”

“Seventeen weeks and three days,” Jack answered for her, and Sam rolled her eyes.

Jennifer smiled at the pair.  “Okay.  When did the bleeding happen?”

“Today, about 10:30.  It was enough to soak through my skirt.”

“Are you still bleeding?”  Jennifer asked.

Sam swallowed and shook her head, “I don’t know.”

“What about cramping? Or pain?”  Keller asked.

Sam shook her head.  “None.”

“Ok.  First thing we’re going to do is try to find a heartbeat with the Doppler.  I already ordered an ultrasound machine, and they should be rolling one in soon.  I’d also like to perform an internal exam.”  She grabbed a sheet from the cabinet and lifted Sam’s hospital gown up to her middle, covering her bottom half with the sheet.

“I tried to do that already, but she wouldn’t let me.” Jack said, frustration and sadness battling in his voice.

“We’re both a wreck already, Jack.  Why add to it?” Sam huffed.

Jennifer ignored the pair and squished some jelly on the tip of the Doppler.  She palpitated Sam’s stomach trying to tell the baby’s positioning.  She placed the Doppler head on Sam’s stomach and moved it around for a minute.  She added more jelly and placed the Doppler back down, searching again.  She could hear Sam’s heavy breaths and see Jack’s eyes boring into Sam’s stomach.

Jennifer stopped her movements and exhaled loudly.

“What?” Jack said, in a depressing tone.

Jennifer didn’t answer, but moved the Doppler away.  With her other hand, she clicked a button on the monitor, unmuting the machine.  She then brought the Doppler back to the same spot on Sam’s middle and pressed hard.  The loud thumping sound of a fast heartbeat came through, loud and clear, and filled the room.

“Oh, thank God!”  Jack said, finding Sam’s hand.

The sound of the fetal heartbeat became rumbled as Sam moved, and when Jack and Jennifer looked at her, she had a hand over her eyes, and was shaking as tears overcame her.  Jennifer placed a hand on Sam’s arm, to provide some kind of reassurance. 

“We still have to determine why you are bleeding, Sam.  At least now we know the baby is alive and from the heartbeat, sounds normal,” Dr. Keller explained.

Sam moved her hand and nodded.  “Thank you,” she whispered to Keller, even as she tightened her grip on Jack’s hand.

Keller began her internal exam on Sam, and Sam found herself asking, “Is it because I’m older?”

 “How old are you, Mrs. O’Neill?” Keller asked during the exam.

“Forty-two,” Sam answered.  “Well past the age for all this.  My oldest is already 12!”

“Well, you’re really not past childbearing ‘till you’re menopausal.  And yes, age could be a factor here.  Pregnancies are much more delicate after age 35.  But I’ve seen hundreds of women in their forties give birth to healthy babies.”  Sam cleared her throat as the internal exam seemed to be over. 

“So this is your fourth pregnancy?” Keller asked.

“Third.  The first were twins,” Sam answered.

“Ah, yes. That’s right.  Have you had confirmation that this is just one?” Keller asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Yes!” Sam and Jack answered in unison.

“Gosh, can you image having twins in your forties?”  Sam said aloud, her eyes huge.

Keller laughed, pulling down the sheet over Sam’s legs.  “Well, everything actually looks good.  The bleeding appears to have stopped.  Your cervix is closed and everything seems fine, for now.”  She took her gloves off and washed her hands.  Keller helped Sam into a new gown while Jack went to hunt down the ultrasound machine.  He came back a moment later.

“It was just out by the door, waiting for us,” Jack said.  “Keller, if you need to go make sure everything’s ok out there, we can wait now.” 

“Thanks, Jack.  Yes, let me just make sure the patient I was with gets discharged.  I’ll be right back.”  Keller said, and left the room.

Jack sat down on his chair next to the narrow E.R. gurney, and held Sam’s hand.  She was lying down on her left side.  “She told me to lie down on this side and keep drinking water,” Sam told Jack.

“That’s good advice,” Jack said, looking her over. Sam noticed the shadow over his face, the worry he carried, the scare he had had.

“Hey,” she said, pulling him over and cupping his face, “it’s gonna be ok.  We’re going to be ok.”

He swallowed and nodded. They continued to stare at each other for long moments, holding hands.  Jack brought the straw to Sam’s lips every few minutes, and she drank slowly from the cup.  Doctor Keller came back in twenty minutes later.

“Okay, Mrs. O’Neill, are you ready?” Keller asked, pulling the machine closer to the bed.

“Yes, but please, call me Sam.  And also, I have to pee.”  Sam said, honestly, turning over onto her back.

Jennifer smiled, “Of course, Sam.  Let’s do this first, then, you can find the restroom.  It’ll be easier if you have a full bladder, anyway.”  She lifted Sam’s gown and applied a generous amount of gel, then began the ultrasound exam.  She moved the screen so that both parents could watch.  Sam and Jack noticed all the features of the baby immediately, with Jack whispering near Sam’s head, “Do you see the spine?” or, “look at that hand!” and, “that’s the heart, do you see it beating?”

“Do you guys want to know the sex of the baby?” Keller asked.

“Yes!” Sam said immediately.  “We kinda thought we were done, so we gave all our baby stuff away.  I’d like to know what color to buy stuff in.”

Keller nodded, “Okay, let’s see if the baby will show us.” Keller spent more time maneuvering her wand, and then stopped abruptly.  She clicked a few buttons on the screen and then went back to the wand, freezing an image several times and even printing a copy of it.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked.

“I think I found our problem.  Why you’re bleeding, I think.”  Keller said, still working with the wand and the screen.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked, concerned.

“Well, nothing is wrong, per se.” Keller placed the wand down and moved the screen so the parents could see it closer up.  “Do you see this crescent moon shaped mass?” She gestured towards it on the screen. 

“The placenta,” Jack answered quickly.  Keller had forgotten that Jack probably could do all this on his own, even without OBGYN training.  The man was incredibly smart. 

“That’s right.  It’s the placenta.  Usually the placenta is on the top wall of the uterus, but this ultrasound is showing me that Sam has a low-lying placenta.  It’s actually partially covering the cervix.  See?  Here is the placenta, here is the baby, and here is the cervix.”

“Placenta Previa,” Jack said, giving the technical name, and Sam looked at him, gaging if he thought the condition was serious.

“Yes, that’s right.  It’s partial right now, I’d actually only label it as low-lying.  It’s still very early… Sam’s only 17 weeks.  There is plenty of time for the placenta to move up and away from the cervix.”

“Why would that cause me to bleed?”  Sam asked, trying to connect the pieces.

Keller cleared her throat.  “Well, there can be several reasons. But the most common one is, um, has there been any sexual activity lately?”

Sam turned a deep shade of red, almost immediately, and Jack sat back and chuckled.

“Okay!” Jennifer said, smirking, “so if you had sex last night, it could have caused the bleeding this morning.”

“Last night _and_ this morning,” Jack said, grinning wildly.

“Excuse me?” Jennifer asked.

“There was sexual activity this morning too.” Jack repeated, this time keeping a straight face.

“Jack!” Sam swatted him, “Oh, my god.”  She was even redder than before.

“Okay, you two.” Keller laughed, herself turning a bit pink.  “We’re going to finish this ultrasound first, and I’m going to send the results in to Dr. Warren.  I want you to go see him this week.  What will happen is very simple:  He’ll probably monitor Sam more closely from now on, and you’ll have to have an ultrasound every four weeks to keep track of the placenta’s placement on the uterine wall.  Because you bled this morning, I want to keep you hooked up to the fetal heart monitor for a few hours here in the E.R., just to make sure everything is perfect with baby and that he or she is stable.”

“Sounds great,” Sam said, beginning to smile.

“There’s one more thing.  I’m placing you on pelvic rest for the time being.   Once you have your next ultrasound, Dr. Warren can determine where the placenta is and if he’ll lift that restriction, but I know him well, and he’ll likely keep you on pelvic rest until 28 weeks.” Jennifer explained.  “If the placenta doesn’t move, you’ll be on pelvic rest until the birth.”

“Whoa, whoa!  Bed rest?  Seriously?” Sam asked, pushing herself up on her elbows.

“No, Sam.  Not bed rest,” Jack explained.  “Pelvic rest is different.”

Sam looked at her husband, then at Keller.  “How is it different?”

“No sexual activity… of any kind.”  Keller managed to say with a straight face.

“WHAT?” Sam spat out.  “Are you kidding me?  Do you even know how many hormones are roaming around in my blood right now?”

Jack put his hand on Sam’s arm.  “Honey…”

“What about, um, well, you know…” Sam tried, looking to Jennifer for an answer that would please her.

“I’m sorry, Sam… nothing.  It’s not just, um, about disturbing the cervix,” Jennifer cleared her throat, “nothing that might jostle you or cause the uterus to contract in any way…”

The coin dropped, then.  “Shit.”

Jack laughed.  His wife was not one to use profanity, but she had just been told that she couldn’t have sex, possibly for 11 weeks, maybe even more, and pregnant Sam, especially second-trimester Sam, was horny… all the time.  There was no other way to describe her.  Jack simply adored second-trimester Sam.

“But, the baby is fine,” Jack confirmed, trying to point out the positive to Sam.

“Yes, the baby looks perfectly fine.” Keller smiled.

Sam took a deep breath.  “Okay.  Let’s see the gender, please, so I can pee,” Sam said, lifting her gown back up.

Jennifer got straight to work, “were you wanting it to be a boy or a girl?”

“We don’t care,” Sam said, “we already have at least one of each.”

“Ok, good.  Because this one is definitely a girl!”  Jennifer said, smiling.

Sam immediately looked towards Jack, who was grinning like an idiot.  “I love girls,” he said, proudly.

Sam sat up and reached for Jack, kissing him soundly on the lips.  “I can’t wait to see what she’ll look like.”

Jack smiled.  “She’ll look like an O’Neill.  Just like _all_ my girls.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for SAM-JACK ALWAYS.
> 
> So, I asked my beta point blank what she wanted to see in Rx. At this point we were around chapter 39 or 40, and she said, “You could get Sam to have a miscarriage.”
> 
> And I answered: “Not happening.” 
> 
> She just loves Sam-Whump, and who doesn’t?
> 
> So, of course, I spend the next six hours envisioning this in my head, until I finally give up and type it out. Of course I couldn’t submit Sam to a miscarriage (enough loss already!) and settled for some “pregnancy drama” instead. I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> XFChemist suggested I could keep adding one shots, like this chapter, to it, but I’m marking it as complete. Feel free to leave me a note if you have a suggestion. You never know what will happen in my brain.
> 
> To all – it’s been a pleasure.
> 
> xoxo


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